iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,468 Blog Posts

The Unemployment Rate is Zero

This morning the government announced over 220,000 jobs were added to this industrious economy in February, pointing to a robust recovery, allowing me to gasconade around my european friends because we have all of the jobbies and they have none.

At this point, the US unemployment rate is effectively zero. Anyone who is without a job is either independently wealthy or a criminal, who’d prefer the avocation of armed robbery over cleaning toilet bowls at the airport. Truly, we could not ask for a better President than Barracks O’bama. I realize a great many of you think he is “evil” or some sort of doped out Indonesian with a secret Koran fetish; but the truth of the matter is, he is a killing machine.

When he stepped into office in 2008, there was a “terrorist problem” and unemployment situation that needed to be dealt with. Fast forward to today, all of the fucking terrorists are dead and the unemployment rate is zero. Plus, just when you thought life couldn’t get better, we all have free healthcare and have made millions of dollars in the stock market.

If I was Romney, I’d throw myself into a lit fireplace, wrapped in pig fat.

Lucky me, QCOR reported weaker than expected script numbers this morning. Go fuck yourselves. I don’t give a shit anymore, since the money is easily made back. With these jobs numbers behind my fucking sails, I will be buying all sorts of shit today.

Now you just sit there and stay-fucking-tuned. Don’t you get up, not even for a second, you heathens.

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29 comments

  1. BullRun

    Watch those VXX tits, they are in danger of drying up…No Milk!

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  2. TheBigRagu

    Southerners hate Romney even wrapped in pig fat.

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    • Caffeinated

      American Indians hate Romney even wrapped in a blanket spun from peyote

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  3. leftcoasttrader
    leftcoasttrader

    0bama math:

    If: Job growth + people giving up > population growth

    Then: Negative unemployment rate.

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  4. muktukchuck

    Is that a photo of Newt leaving to check on his lunar real estate?

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  5. Phil

    all the underfunded bloated pensions need a BIG STRONG MARKET to bail them out Bernanke and company know this…the market just has to go up ….or else !!!

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    • leftcoasttrader
      leftcoasttrader

      California’s state pension apparently needs over 12% just to break even. That’s a bailout no market can provide, regardless of how much cocain Bernanke drops on the market.

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      • Frog

        The market has been up far more than 12% in one year before. The S&P is up 8.6% YTD already. Piece of cake.

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        • leftcoasttrader
          leftcoasttrader

          Yes, because they are primarily long equties and not getting screwed over by record low 30 year yields…

          I’m sure their mandate has a “go big or go home” clause that allows them to get leveraged long options on speculative growth stocks.

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          • Frog

            Can’t they just buy the S&P like normal? Not high risk in a Fed-supported market.

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          • leftcoasttrader

            Most pension plans have a very low risk mandate. Well managed ones will require about 3% year over year in order to meet obligations. So, most likely not. Sure part of it will be invested in stable, dividend paying equities for diversification, but a pension’s life blood is the long bonds.

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  6. WTF?!

    Unless robbing banks is a criminal’s hobby and not his occupation, I believe the word you were looking for is “vocation.”

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  7. The Fly

    EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP, I AM TRYING TO THINK.

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  8. CASHN1N9

    Man, you don’t think, just do it…

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  9. xxxhuggiebearxxx
    xxxhuggiebearxxx

    You are going to miss the rally of all rallies…hurry.

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  10. Mike

    WNR….get yourself in…going to $30 !!

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  11. razorsedge

    lol

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  12. TheArtist

    KBH

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  13. JTU

    The good news is that ALJ looks to be recovering! For now!

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  14. ecchymosis

    Another post for the FHOF (Fly Hall of Fame)

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  15. pyromonoxide

    Hahaha !!!

    I sit at my screen glowing in my dark dungeon burning money in my fireplace for warmth awaiting the fly’s command.

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  16. Goodgreed

    Best post of 2012

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  17. The Hammer

    “Gasconade”? I had to look it up. Well done, Sir.

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