It’s a Good Day to Be a Banker

If you are baffled by this rally it is because you do not own any bank stocks. If you do not own any bank stocks, you are a normal person. Mr. Dimon, from JPM, won again, completely fucking any and all shorts who bet against him into earnings. Do not lament over your positions lagging behind, for the market itself is in great health and condition. It will only be a matter of time before your stupid stocks increase in value.

I am up today; but my gains are measured. It doesn’t really matter, frankly. Either way, I expected my holdings to be little changed whether the market was +180 or -180. What’s important to note and remember is the overall trend.

Good Sir, we are decidedly higher and have melted the faces off of our enemies and now design to use them as wax for our banquet room candles.

They are being manned by dwarfs, cutting off the dicks of those who bet against Ben.

Based upon the laws of mathematics, you’ve been chequemated, yet again.

With grace and on behalf of professional money managers everywhere, I accept today’s gains and will donate a portion received to the ORBITAL SPACE CANNON PROJECT (OSCP), to be used for offensive purposes only.

If you think your day is going bad, short stocks like some sort of lemon head, take solace in knowing your local farmer is on the cusp of absolute ruin, losing his ENTIRE corn crop, starving America in the process. Why, without high fructose corn syrup, this nation will descend into violent revolt!

To be clear, you’ve been dispatched; but the day is young. Ben is gonna empty his ashtray on your head.

China did not disappoint.

S&P futures are +3, eagerly awaiting the delivery of cocaine. If I was a betting man, which I most certainly am not, I’d throw some money on Europe reversing to the upside, gorilla raping any and all shorts within a 100 km radius.

As for me, I am content at +21%, 40% cash, long the things that I am long.

I hate when people write or say “all eyes on ‘XXX'”. Therefore, I just wrote it.

I am 40% cash, heavily long ag through LNN and MOS, with side dishes of CPST, EXK, RBCN and DMND. I’d like to say “the dick guillotines are rolling out into the city square, preparing for usage.” However, no one even knows where Bernanke keeps those things anymore. Besides, it’s summertime and Europe is as stupid as ever.

To put it bluntly, the fate of western markets lies in the east now, with tonight’s GDP numbers coming out of China.

Until then,

Ciao

Look at the intra-day reversal in silver?

Remember when I told you “the best time to own silver is at the peak of crisis into reflationary rebound”?

Well, the market is recovering from an early swoon and silver is leading the way up. If I had to put a shotgun to my face and pick a stock (I don’t know why I would do such a thing), I’d say “get long EXK”. I am not happy with TLT climbing to new highs, however. But at a minimum, it is somewhat encouraging to see silver reverse to the upside.

The day is young and I am not diving back into the market yet. My position in RBCN is getting “KRO-barred”; but it’s a very thinly traded stock that can reverse to the upside with a 20,000 share buy. It’s important to watch “early recovery” stocks, like MTW and TEX for a “feel.” So far, I am leaning towards the idea of a late day reversal and Friday surge, based off of manipulated Chinese GDP numbers, scheduled to be reported tonight.

UPDATE: I bought more EXK

How terrible is this tape? It’s mugs filled with black smoke and chards of metal, all over again.

Aside from VHC, we are in “full retard” to the downside mode. I am keeping my 45% cash position until the blood is freely flowing in the streets. Make no mistake, I am not immune from this catastrophe, as I too am bleeding out in a number of stocks. But let’s be honest, shall we?, I’ve out-foxed you, yet again; and now find myself in a superior position into the teeth of this grinder.

If you want to know why we are melting down here, you are asking the wrong questions.

This is summer malaise and US growth is stalling. Clearly, there are many problems in the world, scaring fuckers into odd lots of TLT. But let’s be honest with one another, shall we?: stocks are trading down because Bernanke didn’t do another round of QE3.

We need that shit to breathe. The policy responses by the Treasury and Federal Reserve have made us into weazened printing press addicts. You know it’s pathetic and denigrating; but the press is so fucking cool, I never want it to go away.

This too shall pass. Be patient.

Tech.

One after another, tech stocks are being dismantled like those bastards were selling coal from atop solar panels. The carnage in ADTN today is just the tip of the iceberg. According to my tech index inside of The PPT, tech stocks are now at 6 month lows. No other sector is suffering this much. The oddity of this decline, frankly, is the pristine nature of the balance sheets in the industry. Yet, fucktards are trading out of these stocks as if this was the dot com bubble again.

To put it bluntly, part of the reason why I sold out of YELP was due to the overall distressed nature of the tech space. Look at GRPN, ZNGA and P, for the love of God, their dicks have been sliced off–clean. The cynic in me thinks this sort of trading action portends a horrendous press release. But the reality is much more simplistic and carnal: short sellers have small heads and even smaller brains. They’re just shorting, blindly, because they all want the fame of nailing a bubble.

Fortune has never been important to short sellers. They are sociopaths, megalomaniacs, only interested in sitting at lobster dinners (stuffed with bologna) with fucked-faced people, like The Great Roubini and Hugh Hendry. They are sick, perverted, people, deserving of permanent imprisonment.

In short, with tech being swallowed whole like this (no RW Pelican), I prefer to buy that blood than fuck around with asshole commodity stocks, who are subject to all sorts of homosexual, and “worldly”, events.

I bought about 10,000 shares of LNN towards the end of the session. I intend to buy more, hopefully lower, based upon the resolve of mother nature to fuck the farmer. His disaster is my boon. Brace yourself for a most horrendous corn yield, pitting Americans against each other in armed combat for sustenance.

Although I am exceedingly optimistic about the prospects of a bounce in the near term, I have very little desire to bet big, especially due to personal circumstances, as I am in the process of moving to a new manour.

In case you didn’t know, the global growth story is 100% dead. US growth is spiraling lower. We need more QE. Without it, I’m afraid, this market is heading significantly lower.

In the meantime, I will play it light and easy, using algorithms and short term trades to guide my hand.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfhsRIDh1RQ

I started a new position in LNN.

As I enter the second half of the year, I am +21% and have a 50% cash position. I drew a line in the sand with JCP at -10% and sold out of my position this morning. Frankly, I am not “Mars Attacks” Ackman and I truly hate their stores.

I was doing some research last night and liked what I heard with a little company named SYPR. However, I just don’t feel like gambling on another small cap. My experience with YELP, although profitable, removed the appetite for risk in small caps, thanks to the overwhelming fuckery I had to endure. Truth be told, I was 100% wrong about the prospects of the “Social Media” space in the short term. But as the Gods would have it, I ended up +25% on my YELP holdings—a miracle indeud. Think about it.

The only sector I like here is agriculture, from MOS to BG to MON to POT, I like it all. The fucking farmers are having fits with their corn crops and “The Fly” stands to benefit from their misery. Effective immediately, I hereby declare your farm my own. Any and all profits derived from such a place shall be transferred into my purse (no homo).

Here’s the important thing to remember when being “half out” of the market, like me: there will be opportunities. You may not see them today; but it’s important that you don’t force trades for the sake of doing it. The winning trade will come and when it does, you will have lots of money to throw at it.