iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,471 Blog Posts

THE DICK GUILLOTINES ARE IN THE CITY SQUARE

They are being manned by dwarfs, cutting off the dicks of those who bet against Ben.

Based upon the laws of mathematics, you’ve been chequemated, yet again.

With grace and on behalf of professional money managers everywhere, I accept today’s gains and will donate a portion received to the ORBITAL SPACE CANNON PROJECT (OSCP), to be used for offensive purposes only.

If you think your day is going bad, short stocks like some sort of lemon head, take solace in knowing your local farmer is on the cusp of absolute ruin, losing his ENTIRE corn crop, starving America in the process. Why, without high fructose corn syrup, this nation will descend into violent revolt!

To be clear, you’ve been dispatched; but the day is young. Ben is gonna empty his ashtray on your head.

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36 comments

  1. moolahheaven

    Fedpartybus could be a’rollin soon…

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  2. Berniecornfeld

    Not yet. Ben demmands more accolytes. Only when the masses are begging him for a fix will he unleash the holy printing presses upon the land

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  3. acehood

    You need to start posting some Jay Rock videos.

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  4. Random

    BORN?

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    • heaterman

      I like the line about “fibber” optic lights. Doh! Who edited that ad?

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  5. clegger_2000

    Who will man the Orbital Space Cannon? Is there a sign up sheet? 🙂

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    • Hasbro Investor
      Hasbro Investor

      To: Alfred Verrechia, CEO, Hasbro, Inc.

      Dear Alfred Verrecchia,

      Today I learned that sometimes when people beta-test new technologies, things can go wrong. Virally wrong. But sometimes, the wrongness gets so wrong that it wraps around like an integer overflow into rightness. If these cannot be made available in time for the Christmas season (I understand the consumer products safety commission has some minor objections, but surely this can be overcome with a little moral suasion), could we at least have the prototypes handed out as swag at the next shareholders’ meeting?

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQmf_pRHOUM

      Your faithful Shareholder,
      in Hasbro, NY.

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  6. vking

    No corn? Geez how will 0bama fuel our Navy?

    Again…Condi?

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  7. noodleboy

    Its moving day isn’t it?

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  8. surplusdroids

    SWEET CLAM COCAINE

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  9. xxxHuggieBearxxx
    xxxHuggieBearxxx

    I might own the only down stock in the universe (EXK)

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  10. Jobo

    It might be a good idea to hop into SWHC here. It could blast off if it reaches above 9.50. A Fool pick… he seems to be red hot lately. Congrats to Henry!

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  11. ruggyup

    Fuck Ben and his acolytes. Hail the new heroine from the Spanish crisis! Text purloined from Jesse:

    Spain is implementing its latest austerity package. Spanish PM Mariano Rajoy Raises VAT 3pc in Shock U-Turn

    When the Prime Minister Rajoy said to their National Assembly that they must cut benefits to Spain’s unemployed, Miss Fabra was apparently caught on video shouting, “Screw them all.”

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  12. riggedgame

    My longs aren’t doing Jack Shit. I am up four tenths of one percent on a 1.3% upday.

    There must be some sort of message here.

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    • DEATH TO CNBC COCKSUCKERS
      DEATH TO CNBC COCKSUCKERS

      Agreud rig… cept for my SBSI and TAL which I shamelessly plugged y’day, my port is out to sea with floating in jap tsunami garbage.

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  13. DEATH TO CNBC COCKSUCKERS
    DEATH TO CNBC COCKSUCKERS

    “whilst’ for with

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  14. Jason

    Good news. Jake G. does not have polio. Just read his blog and didn’t say anything about it. Fly must have misunderstood and heard that Jake had a portfolio.

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  15. Trading_Nymph

    China didn’t spike eur/usd when news broke. Move this morning imho was a massive buy up of eur/usd to spike Brent Strike of 102.50 today on its Option x…will fade if I am correct.

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    • Xmas Ninja

      Maybe, but no fade until my TNA hits 56 please. They should change the symbol to TWA like the airline, get it? ‘Cause it’s flying. Or maybe TNT, that would be a good one too, because every once in a while it blows up while you’re holding it. Anywho, enjoying the ride.

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  16. Goodgreed

    I am chopping dicks off with QQQ calls.

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  17. vking

    Grind their bones into dust!

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  18. razorsedge

    just in, government buys 5000mile extension cords to power new electric battle ships.

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