BEWARE: The Lords of Finance Summer Soon

As you can see by the erratic  movement in NASDAQ  futures over the past few hours, EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE has taken hold of the market.

Our C-level execs are too busy eating foie gras, getting their bell helicopters waxed, than to concern themselves with the likes of you–in the pits of stock market hell working through volatility. Very soon, liquidity will shrivel up and fall off, like Bruce Jenner’s penis, as these men of industry put the finishing touches on their harems and impose a ‘calm normality’ over their summer homes of wanton vagrant degeneracy.

If the world was just, fucking Samurais armed with axes would slice these men in half, burn their harems to the ground, and then take their money to send the Dow Jones to 30,000.

In the meantime, watch your p’s and q’s and always be on the look out for an unsolicited clown rape.

I concede that today was an abysmal day, despite the indices being up. My convictions are not mine alone, lads. These are the wishes of all the Kings and Leaders of the free world–to see equity prices higher.

For you, a rag-tag group of vagabond stock traders, to bet against this powerful cabal is comical and entertaining for all the world to laugh at. None of you can be considered “serious men.” Because, by definition, “serious men” cast aside emotions that handicap them from achieving greatness. The lot of you are simply loafers, stoned during the day, drunk at night.

Leave investing to the “serious men”, people who understand that the winds are blowing, decidedly, from the west (extra Dickens).

I’m having a difficult time finding new ideas. I’ve been looking at CERS, possibly adding to HDP or N; but nothing is jumping out at me. I am somewhat hamstrung by two things: extreme valuations in many of the drug stocks coupled with poor seasonality. I’d like to buy a few restaurant names. However, I bet they will be dead money for the next few months or so.

The last thing I want to do is toss good money into a dead stock and watch it whither way with the sands of time.

I want to make money and I want it fucking now. I am not here, per se, to entertain the likes of you, purblind wastrels interested in only the most perverted of perversions. No, “The Fly” is here to achieve greatness, the sort of greatness that has his brand new GARP index up 1.75% for the day.

I am barely up today, just 0.25% to the good. When I underperform in such a grotesque manner, I get jittery and then I make changes, in order to better conform with civil society. “The Fly” is all about conforming, blending in if you will, in a way that places me at a standard for others to strive for.

I haven’t placed a single trade today and I will likely spend the remainder of my day throwing things about the office, frustrated for not being able to act. Nevertheless, the market is still accommodative and I will continue to search.

We are full steam ahead now. Not you, or any of your stupid friends, can stop this market from achieving greatness. The bull market of 2015 shall forever be remembered as the one that  never quit, never paused. It just kept going higher until it could go no more.

“The Fly” is up 28% for the year, halfway though 2015. The slower summer months are approaching and my schedule is going to start getting real busy soon. Nevertheless, I’d never leave you boozehounds to your own devices, forced to make financial decisions. iBankCoin is all about generosity, so don’t forget to grab a special discounted early bird ticket to our 2nd Annual Investors Conference.

My top holding and pick is FEYE. Do you know why? It’s not because hackers are black-hatting around the world, wreaking havoc on morons. It is my top holding, purely out of revenge. I’m getting my Count of Monte Christo on in this bitch. Try to stop me.

First of all, we’re launching the 2nd Annual iBC Investors Conference tonight, right now (lock in the early bird pricing now. Last year’s tickets sold for $699. They will go up). What should attendees expect? Well, you should expect first class all the way, always. There will not be any expense spared and I do not care if I make money on these things. I will be in attendance, anonymously of course. I will reveal my identity to one person too, just like I did in Vegas.

Jeff Kohler aka The Option Addict will be the point man there for iBC, along with Ragin Cajun and Raul. Vincenzo Illuminati will be in attendance and special guest keynote speakers, thus far, will be Jeff Macke and the lovely Nicole Sherrod. I will likely add one or two guest speakers from now until the target date of 10/24/15. The event will be held at the Yale Club, NYC, which is a private club. So none of you ham and eggers will be permitted entrance without a ticket. This is a NYC event, so I expect all of you lazy clam-fuckers, who were too slothish to fly out to Vegas last year, to be in attendance. The VIP cocktail party will be held in the evening following the conference, in a secret location that will impress. Details will be provided on a need to know basis.

Markets are going to go gang-busters this week. I can feel it in my bones. Maybe it’s the wine in me talking, but I am going to make so much fucking money this week, faces will be punched off at an industrial pace.

One last order of business, I will be unveiling the new GARP portfolio in Exodus tonight. This is a semi-annually managed portfolio that I maintain for members, updated once in January and again in June. Here are the results, for the current portfolio that is soon to be replaced, thus far.

I don’t know why, but I only like to watch the old classic films during the winter. Maybe it’s because during the summer I am too busy drinking and eating my night’s away into a stupor. Nevertheless, I do prefer the old classics to the modern drek we are often subjected to at the box office.

Back to the topic of Hitchcock. He did several films with Cary Grant (4), and said that Grant “was the only actor I’ve ever loved.” (pause) But this one is probably my favorite, featuring an older Grant in a more modern setting. Think of this as the template for which James Bond 007 was created, which was made a few years later in 1962. Fun fact: Grant was courted to become 007; but he had retired from acting and could not commit to the franchise, as he was then dedicated to the raising of his daughter.

This film is original, exciting, and thought provoking, all classic traits of quality cinema, directed by the master himself: Alfred Hitchcock.

This is certainly one of the greatest achievements in cinematic history, selected for preservation by the Library of Congress. If you haven’t seen it by now, do yourselves a favor and watch it tonight.

Full massacre, corpses strewn across Wall Street, as markets roar to new highs based off testicular fortitude. That’s what I’m calling for. In the meantime, the weather is hot as shit and humid out. “The Fly” is officially confirming the summer season upon us, a time when chilled white wine and prosecco should be consumed at an alcoholic rate.

I will be stocking up tonight on a wide variety of white wines with the intent to drink all of them, and more. I do not parlay myself about cans of beer because I am not of the white trash varietal. In the event that I did, I would never brag about it, or even let it be known–aside from St. Patrick’s Day festivities.

Moreover, I will have you know, it is not becoming of a gentlemen to wear shorts, even in 150 degree weather. Exceptions can be made for beaches, pools and amusement parks. However, if you find yourself walking about the city square with slacks cut above your knees, just know, you’re a fucking juvenile moron.

Markets went lower today; but I am not alarmed in the least. Join Exodus this weekend and prepare for supreme winship Monday morning.

NOTE: Tune in tomorrow for my 2nd week of Hitchcock reviews.

In light of the recent market action, coupled with my desire to dive headlong into concrete pools masquerading as water, I added to my ALKS positions. I have a mind for these sort of things and I believe there is money to be made here, indeud.

Related: FEYE gives zero fucks still.

We all had a lot of fun, didn’t we? The market was giving us money each and every day. The shorts were being shot from carnivale cannons and the champagne corks were popping off like firecrackers. All of that may be about to end, if only for a short while.

Many of the risk on names that I monitor and own are getting their faces lit on fire this morning. Granted, this could be a short term phenomena, a Haley’s Comet of sorts. Or, this could be the beginning of a much needed market correction, to wash away the excess.

When I say “wash away the excess,” I am speaking of you, directly. Too many of you market novices are banking coin now. It has provided you to obtain a reprehensible form of hubris, often found about the trading pits of Wall Street. When this bravado, this sense of invincibility reaches a feverish pitch, your brains will be blown out.

“If a correction is coming, Fly, why the fuck are you still fully invested?”, asked the bipedal primate reading iBankCoin.

The binomial name of the species in which I belong to is called Homo Notgiveafucktis. Ergo, I dive headlong into the concrete surface below, hoping to crack my skull into 10,000 pieces.

Over the past two weeks, there has been significant rotation out of commodity related stocks back into semis, drugs, hospitals, even home builders.

The first half of 2015 was marked by sharp reversals in oil and gas stocks, permitting many swing traders to bank serious coin in the process. Over the past month, however, this trade has grown stale and the glass jaws of oil men have been shattered in the process.

Over the past two weeks, entire industries have been decapitated. I am talking airlines, copper, oil exploration/equipment, nuclear, gold and steel. Now this all correlates rather nicely with seasonal trends. If we were to obey said trends, we are in for a bit of a surprise, and soon.

As soon as June starts, the hedge fund industry turns into sloth. They depart, via helicopter, to their summer destinations and order junior to man the trading turrets. While summering, these managers inebriate themselves with cocktails and cocaine their faces, hedonistically, giving zero fucks about stocks in the process. On occasion, the markets nosedive during the summer months, most likely due to an elaborate prank from a misanthropic billionaire, merely trying to ruin the pastoral vacations of his peers. Most of the time, markets do nothing. Volume dries up and yield becomes interesting again.

Utilities, REITs, oil pipelines, closed end nonsense–all become targets for junior manning the desk. He has strict orders “not to fuck anything up,” so he targets low beta dividend plays–because he’s a pussy and that’s what pussies do.

As for you: you’ll most likely blow yourselves to smithereens, classic bozo the clown style. You’re better off reading iBankCoin and taking notes, hoping to glean small crumbs of information from the man in the time machine, than ruining yourself–again–by executing financial-based decisions.

At the end of the day, we’re in a raging bull market, cock out, balls to the ground, running with sparks bouncing off them. In the event we are to rotate hard, seek refuge in beer and drunkard names, like BUD, SAM, and maybe a little TLT in July.