iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
18,461 Blog Posts

Encroaching on 42 — Getting Old Has Its Benefits

On May 25th, I will turn 42. After I hit 40, I felt like my life had ended. I was getting my affairs in order and making sure my family would have food and shelter upon my liquidation back into the matrix. Over the past two years my virility has been greatly diminished, but a lot of that has to do with the fact that I WAS A FUCKING VEGAN FAGGOT. Before the vegan faggot phase, I was a gluten free edge-lord, rejecting slices of bread at restaurants because gluten was the enemy.

Now that I’ve corrected all that (extra Delbert Grady), my new enemy is life itself. Instead of life fucking me, I am fucking it. Get what I’m saying? Good… neither do I. Nowadays, I head on over to the gym and lift very heavy objects. When I say ‘very heavy objects’, I mean that in a comical way — because truth of the matter is I am at 50% strength now and am a laughing stock at the free weights gym yard. Another truth is that lifting very heavy weights is just about the dumbest thing a 40+ year old man can do. I don’t want a hernia, or dislocated vertebrae. I just want to shred down to 10% body fat, and be able to lift really heavy things and throw them really far.

What are you doing with your life?

The point I was going to make is this, very simply: going to the gym is good, but if you’re not tracking EVERY SINGLE fucking thing you eat and adhering to a strict diet, you’re a faggot. You come here for laughs and on occasion, when I’m not trading like an upright walking pig, investment ideas. But this is the best advice you’ll ever get from me.

Preventative healthcare is the the most affordable healthcare. Go join the best gym in your neighborhood and buy yourself some very good workout attire, in order to feel invested in the whole process. If you’re a fat fuck, hire a coach and don’t binge eat or drink canteens filled with beer. If you must be an alcoholic, drink vodka neat. If you do this, in 6 months from now — you’ll be thanking me and you might even feel good about yourself.

Futures are flat. Stocks can suck my dick. Off to watch some Cobra Kai — bootlegged edition.

NOTE: The benefit of getting old is knowing how to live and what to prioritize.

NOTE II: Follow our new Instagram account. It will be active.

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23 comments

  1. awanka

    Coming from a pig, isometrics does wonders.

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  2. Lyndon Keltner


    Forever young
    I wanna be forever young
    Do you really want to live forever?
    Forever, forever young

    From back in 2009, when everyone was younger.

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  3. heckler

    Just remember to take one red pill every morning upon waking up

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  4. 99 lead balloons
    99 lead balloons

    I am 42 as well. I am very lucky as I am able to cycle 40 minutes each way to work on beautiful bike paths. 300 metres of elevation each day. Resting heart in the 40’s.

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  5. jose

    Finished Cobra Kai today. Enjoyed it more than I expected.

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  6. ironbird

    Lifting heavy things for no reason is cold mans weather sickness. Those winters must fuck with the mind. You are what you eat. Move then move some more. The gym is a mirage.

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    • duuude

      ^
      Hike in the woods. 3-4 miles…5 days a week. Over hill and dale…must have elevation…all year long. Decades will…almost…recede from your mind and body.

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  7. s.k.

    Muscle mass and strength are inversely correlated with all cause mortality. Endurance training is for bitchy little faggots like ferd.

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    • ferd

      I heard that pervs lure victims by brandishing a cute puppy. That true?

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    • numbersgame

      A good example of how simplifying statistics lead to ignorant conclusions.

      How many runners die of heart attacks in their 50s, vs non-runners?

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  8. juice

    “If your material body lacks the energy and power of your consciousness because the latter stagnates, then this standstill holds back the blossoming of the body and hinders it from keeping healthy, because the body, without the consciousness-evolution, uses itself up in its own swinging waves, i.e. motions, wilts and decays; therefore it can no longer renew itself, because it lacks the power-source, the motions, i.e. swinging waves of the evolution of the consciousness; therefore it is useless, if you move only physically, but leave the evolutionary motion of your consciousness out of your attention.

    It is useless, if you do no work and make no effort concerning your consciousness-evolution, and indeed also then, if, to exercise your body, you regularly undergo fitness trainings and go for walks and do all sorts of other things to keep your body in shape, because truly, it ages quickly nevertheless and decays, if it does not live in the same swinging wave, i.e. motion with the evolving consciousness.

    The consciousness-motion, i.e. the swinging wave of the consciousness is determined through the conscious effort of the learning and the thereout resulting development, i.e. evolution, which is reached through the achievement of a destination consisting of distinct factors and which moves the consciousness, because energy and power are transferred to the body and the body transfers again its energy and power as well as perseverance to the consciousness. “

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  9. Dr. Fly

    You morons need to get off the bro-science bullshit. Hiking in the woods and running on a treadmill is the same thing for the body. You seem to take the spiritual nonsense literally. The body only cares about macros, exertion and nutrition.

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  10. ferd

    Eat clean sourced foods and enjoy life. Get your exercise out in the fresh air like the hunter/gatherer you were through most of your evolution. If you get to the point where you can’t see your schlong, eat less.

    Seemingly, most of you are self-absorbed, preening navel-gazers.

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  11. reversion

    Strength training is crucial to delay the body’s determination to breakdown with age.

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  12. jacked rabbit

    Turning 45 was a bitch, sick for a week on each side of it. I have three acres of growth and trees to tame, so I don’t need a gym. I need my hot tub…

    Come to think of it, a good way to make some side cash is to offer clean, healthy living to the city folk by making them remove brush and cut down trees…Hmmm….

    Great angry post, by the way. You’re in crush mode now.

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  13. cancel19

    I have never understood that gluten free diet fad. Gluten harms people that have an immune system that attacks that protein. If you don’t have that disease then you don’t have to eat gluten free, unless of course you wanna be a hipster.

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  14. fryguy15

    PATHETIC

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  15. numbersgame

    To maintain physical health, what you take in is more important thatn what you take out.

    To maintain financial health, what you take out is more important than what you put in.

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  16. tradingnymph

    Fly, Happy Early Birthday Wishes!!!! As a Pesi-Lacto-Ovatarian I enjoy just eating good food. Fresh Veggies and Fruits are my joy. California Girl of course. Gyms are fun. Name dropping here…I once asked Kevin Smith, “you have fame and fortune, may I ask you..Kevin what is the meaning to life?”…he thought about it, and said “Trying not to Die”..that was about 10 years ago. You know he survived that heart attack a few months ago. I guess life is just trying to “not die” and having as much joy you can every moment we are here.

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