On May 25th, I will turn 42. After I hit 40, I felt like my life had ended. I was getting my affairs in order and making sure my family would have food and shelter upon my liquidation back into the matrix. Over the past two years my virility has been greatly diminished, but a lot of that has to do with the fact that I WAS A FUCKING VEGAN FAGGOT. Before the vegan faggot phase, I was a gluten free edge-lord, rejecting slices of bread at restaurants because gluten was the enemy.
Now that I’ve corrected all that (extra Delbert Grady), my new enemy is life itself. Instead of life fucking me, I am fucking it. Get what I’m saying? Good… neither do I. Nowadays, I head on over to the gym and lift very heavy objects. When I say ‘very heavy objects’, I mean that in a comical way — because truth of the matter is I am at 50% strength now and am a laughing stock at the free weights gym yard. Another truth is that lifting very heavy weights is just about the dumbest thing a 40+ year old man can do. I don’t want a hernia, or dislocated vertebrae. I just want to shred down to 10% body fat, and be able to lift really heavy things and throw them really far.
What are you doing with your life?
The point I was going to make is this, very simply: going to the gym is good, but if you’re not tracking EVERY SINGLE fucking thing you eat and adhering to a strict diet, you’re a faggot. You come here for laughs and on occasion, when I’m not trading like an upright walking pig, investment ideas. But this is the best advice you’ll ever get from me.
Preventative healthcare is the the most affordable healthcare. Go join the best gym in your neighborhood and buy yourself some very good workout attire, in order to feel invested in the whole process. If you’re a fat fuck, hire a coach and don’t binge eat or drink canteens filled with beer. If you must be an alcoholic, drink vodka neat. If you do this, in 6 months from now — you’ll be thanking me and you might even feel good about yourself.
Futures are flat. Stocks can suck my dick. Off to watch some Cobra Kai — bootlegged edition.
NOTE: The benefit of getting old is knowing how to live and what to prioritize.
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