CRYPTO MARKET CAP BLASTS PAST $600 BILLION; REJOICE IN THE SPLENDOUR OF MASSIVE EXCESS

Tonight’s crypto end game has resulted in even MOAR gains. They will never trade lower…ever. So, you might as well get used to making all of these gains. More than that, you best get used to a fuckload of Zimbabwe styled inflation, as a new wealth creation causes prices of luxury items to break the fuck out — snapping skinny faggot necks like pretzels.

If you’re amused by my sudden red streak of violence, it is because I am making fuckloads of money. Whenever this happens, I become a very violent, almost savage, animal beast of a man. Just today I punched someone’s jaw loose for looking at me sideways.

Here are some winners in the crypto space tonight.

I know of some absurd tales in the advisory industry, all to do with managers holding some of these crypto proxies on their books. Assets are rising to extreme levels and those levels are readying to get even MOAR extreme. Just when you thought the rally had ended, BAM, a giant fucking shovel of cocaine gets smashed into your face — causing you to run around the street a few times, naked and somewhat crazy, but enjoying life to the fullest.

This Xmas, House Fly will be replete with superfluities and I will be in a constant state of inebriation. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a very fine drunk, happy and generous. Pipe smoke will imbue my wife’s expensive Persian rugs, whether she likes it or not.

Almond egg-free egg nog will be enjoyed with massive amounts of Pappy 23 — because that’s how I roll.

Heading into tomorrow, I own just a few crypto plays: GCAP, NXTD and PYDS. I expect fuckloads.

Back to Exodus. SOXL flagged oversold on the 13th of December and now it’s much higher.

And the overall system is now overbought, which is bullish for stocks. 87% of the time stocks traded up after 10 days on this reading, over the past 36 months.

Show your gratitude. Join the league of gentlemen and earn your topped hat.

I sold out of a loser today too, OHAI. Fact of the matter is, these crypto plays are all gambles. I’d be foolish to get sucked into the belief that I have “the next LFIN”, which is the mentality of a loser. Quit trying to repeat greatness, for those who try hard rarely ever do anything great at all.

I’m a net seller today, only buying into NXTD, which has traded down over the past hour. I am tempted to buy DPW, but am reminded of the innumerable blow off tops that I’ve been beaten to death by in the past, and instead have opted to jog on.

My trading account now has a lot of cash, which I may or may not use for the remainder of the year. I am comforted and ensconced in a perpetual state of winship with my quant account, which has netted me over 30% for 2017 in the easiest of manners. Going forward, I will adjust my portfolio on a monthly basis and eventually move towards quarterly adjustments. The goal here is to build a systematic engine, using big data and AI, to automate my investments — using criteria that has proven to be the very best criteria to find alpha or maximum returns.

That being said, I look forward to more frenzies and stocks climbing 5,000% inside of a day. But for now, I move to the sidelines a winner and with my dignity intact.

Who would’ve known that my entire year would be made and highlighted by the last days of 2017, based on a concept that I had previously eschewed and loathed? The very thing I panned the most, the crypto craze, has made me an immense amount of money the past week. Staying in the game is the most important part of being a trader.

I took a 70% gain in TEUM and 53% gain in SIEB to the bank, selling out of both now. Members of Exodus rejoice.

We’ve been compiling an extensive list inside Exodus. Since it’s the holiday season, I will be charitable and share with your our research.

Here are stocks moving higher today on news or crypto exposure or actual crypto exposure that is just now being realized by degenerates.

OTIV +100%
DSS +89%
NXTD +39%
CLNT +29%
NVFY +12%
MCB +7%

There are a slew of others. But thus far, those are the only one’s I actually moved into a crypto sector inside Exodus.

Feel free to share your own.

So on Friday, I picked up 15,000 shares of LFIN in the $11’s and sold later on that day at $18 for a very quick, and a very clean, $105,000 profit. I was a genius, but of the Wile E Coyote varietal.

Now with the stock trading at $129, I’ve left approximately $1.6 million in profits on the table. It’s not like this took a long time, just a single day. I couldn’t went to take a leak, eat a sandwich, gone to see a movie, and I’d be nearly $2 million richer now. But no, it wasn’t meant to be.

I’ve never felt so dreadful making a 60% intra-day profit. I will now toil about the internet, searching Exodus, for the next LFIN.

The struggle continues.

This is truly a dreadful company; but they help secure bitcoin payments. Ergo, the stock is on fucking fire. I am in, 20,000 shares long at $1.78. I hope it goes to $60 like LFIN, AND MORE.

Meanwhile, my other crypto proxies are blasting the fuck off.

TEUM +41%
SIEB +25%
PYDS +7%

Here is the chart for NXTD, the reason why I am buying it. Yes, indeud, I like the chart.

LFIN is up another 100%. Big shout out to one of you little devils in the comments section, Badduck I believe, for pointing this out to me on Friday. You personally made me over $100k.

As the crypto space continues to percolate, the proxies continue higher. Total market cap for cryptos is now $597 billion.

Here are today’s movers in the crypto-proxy space.

LFIN +106%
TEUM +29%
SIEB +25%
GROW +17%
SSC +17%
MGTI +17%
RIOT +15%
MARA +9%
PRELF +8%
OSTK +6%
PYDS +6%

I am long TEUM and SIEB.

Other than that, I am bullish on the grocery aisle, in light of the LNCE and BETR buyouts today. Naturally, FIZZ is my favorite play.

This is it lads. The moment of truth. The quintissential moment we’ve all been waiting for — end of year shenanigans coupled with a runaway market equals great fun and explosive gains. I expect nothing less than extreme mark ups into year end.

On this very last week of trading before the holiday season gets fully underway, I’d like to thank all of the readers of iBankCoin for your continued support, even the haters. I’ve learned a great deal about human emotion and how to accept the opinions of others while running this site, in a way that I could’ve never have accomplished as a private citizen. Seeing all of you out there, like naked apes outside of dirty caves eating rotting fruit, I am so much more grateful for the person that I’ve become — a man of extreme knowledge and wisdom — born centuries too late, but here nevertheless to withstand and endure a vagrant citizenry of appalling stature.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

European markets are running fully erect into a wall of pornographic immensities, led by the DAX +1.6% and the CAC +1.3%. Both gold and silver are +0.4%, which is good since I am long. And, all of the wonderous cryptos are up again, which will spill over into my crypto proxies. I am Le King of the Crypto Proxies, mandated by law.

Dow futures are +134, Nasdaq +51.

Here are your headlines.

Advanced Micro upgraded to Neutral from Underperform at Macquarie
Amplify Snack Brands confirms agreement to be acquired by Hershey (HSY) for $12.00/share in cash
Akamai Tech upgraded to Outperform from Neutral at Credit Suisse
TopBuild upgraded to Buy at Nomura
KLA-Tencor upgraded to Overweight from Sector Weight at KeyBanc Capital Mkts
Twitter upgraded to Overweight from Neutral at JP Morgan

What a wonderful stock market. The NIKKEI is higher by 1.24% and Nasdaq futures are +31. Come this Xmas, I hope you and your families sincerely thank President Donald Drumpf for producing such grand American schemes that have brought forth these dreams. Do not pretend the Obama stocked market was any good, for it was a rancid mess of biblical proportions since 2014, beset with deflationary vortexes and a negative interest rate scandal that was destined to crack the world in two.

Now, thanks to MAGA, America is great again, and getting even greater.

The rich man’s tax cuts will provide gentlemen like me to carry RARE IVORY walking canes and diamond encrusted monocles, in addition to the very finest top hats money could buy.

With all of the money I made this year, I was thinking about buying a jaguar, an actual animal, and eating it. I could have my chef sauté it for me over a nice blend of couscous and fava beans — perhaps BBQ it with a coffee-chocolate rub. Also, I was thinking about buying another house, just to store things in. I am running out of space in my 1,200 sq foot garage and believe there is more to life than small areas of store belongings.

I can’t get over how bad the Star Wars movie was, the social justice warrior edition, and how utterly retarded Director and Writer Rian Johnson is for ruining the franchise. Not only did he completely ruin the lore of Luke Skywalker, but he also inserted a purple hair’d weirdo Admiral to turn ISIS and light speed into oblivion for the sake of what exactly? All of the characters were maligned, and Kylo Ren was reduced to a petulant child, throwing tantrums at every turn, perpetually filled with conflict.

Do you mean to tell me when he killed Dad in the last movie that wasn’t enough to ‘go to the darkside’? For the love of Christ, this movie sucked so bad I will never bother with another Star Wars movie again.

But it’s sort of indicative of a greater sickness permeating the collective psyche out there now, a wanton sense of entitlement that is born out of excess; which brings me to my next point: the bubble in cryptocurrencies is going to ruin lives.

Yes, I know, the Dow Jones is for olde men who value profits and metrics. The new economy is all digital, based on white papers and Github forums, checked by auditors on Reddit. Anyone who isn’t part of this new religion is simply missing out and shouldn’t be so bitter — because being bitter is for old men and old men are supposed to die soon and the younger people will never age.

If I may be so bold, spend $6, or buy the collectors version with RARE ART paperback, and read my cautionary tale of when I was young and stupid, just like you, and how the dot com bubble burst nearly ruined my life. It’s a quick read and I promise you’ll enjoy it because I’m a fine writer and know how to spin a good yarn.

If you’re not interested in cautionary tales, read the prequel, and you can simply pretend the good times will continue indefinitely.

That being said, I intend to continue buying/selling my crypto proxy plays and I am building an Exodus platform for cryptos. I do not need to invest in cryptos to know that there is a massive market out there of newly minted speculators who are without basic investment tools to make better informed decisions. But rest assured, the bubble will pop at some point and when it does you’ll reflect upon your hubris as a laughable moment of grand stupidity.