Morning Poppers (Welcome to the Santa Claus Rally Edition)

This is it lads. The moment of truth. The quintissential moment we’ve all been waiting for — end of year shenanigans coupled with a runaway market equals great fun and explosive gains. I expect nothing less than extreme mark ups into year end.

On this very last week of trading before the holiday season gets fully underway, I’d like to thank all of the readers of iBankCoin for your continued support, even the haters. I’ve learned a great deal about human emotion and how to accept the opinions of others while running this site, in a way that I could’ve never have accomplished as a private citizen. Seeing all of you out there, like naked apes outside of dirty caves eating rotting fruit, I am so much more grateful for the person that I’ve become — a man of extreme knowledge and wisdom — born centuries too late, but here nevertheless to withstand and endure a vagrant citizenry of appalling stature.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

European markets are running fully erect into a wall of pornographic immensities, led by the DAX +1.6% and the CAC +1.3%. Both gold and silver are +0.4%, which is good since I am long. And, all of the wonderous cryptos are up again, which will spill over into my crypto proxies. I am Le King of the Crypto Proxies, mandated by law.

Dow futures are +134, Nasdaq +51.

Here are your headlines.

Advanced Micro upgraded to Neutral from Underperform at Macquarie
Amplify Snack Brands confirms agreement to be acquired by Hershey (HSY) for $12.00/share in cash
Akamai Tech upgraded to Outperform from Neutral at Credit Suisse
TopBuild upgraded to Buy at Nomura
KLA-Tencor upgraded to Overweight from Sector Weight at KeyBanc Capital Mkts
Twitter upgraded to Overweight from Neutral at JP Morgan