Here Are the Top ETFs During the Harem of Today’s Perversion

Are you enjoying yourselves, yet again? I hope you’re happy. See what you’ve done. Markets just go higher every minute of every day, producing new millionaires with each passing day. I don’t know about you, but I am not content in a world where everyone is rich. After all, if everyone is rich, who the fuck is gonna be poor? Certainly not me.

Banks are leading the fray, especially regional cock-suckers.

Here are today’s ETF winners, courtesy of Exoudus.

In summary, yields are soaring, causing banks to take out their whips and lash short sellers with them. Semis are rocking higher after Micron crushed estimates. Everything else, but gold, is pressing higher — because why the fuck not?

Needham raised their pt on MU to $76, clearly not impressed by the stocks 70% return, year to date. They’re looking for MOAR.

Following a solid quarter and guide, it is increasing tgt to $76 — representing a 10x P/E on just-raised non-GAAP FY18 EPS of $7.60. Firm believes this multiple is reasonable as it is simply applying a median historical multiple on a discounted earnings run-rate of $2.16 EPS /q (Nov. guidance). Currently, the stock is trading at a trough multiple on the perception of a “peak earnings cycle”. Needham asserts it should be trading at a market multiple on ongoing earnings growth. Firm does not believe it is at the peak of the cycle as end markets for DRAM are significantly more diverse than in years past; stabilizing the volatility of the pricing and perhaps lengthening the contracts.

After a few days of apprehension, bulls are jauntily trotting down Wall Street today — led higher, mostly, by tech stocks and banks. Within tech, the semis are at the vanguard of the rise.

There are large cocked gains in MU, IOTS, AMBA, MKSI, AMAT, LRCX, UCTT, MX, AXTI, DIOD, and so many more. It truly is an orgy of heightened risk out there — men and women cavorting, nakedly, without clothes — unafraid of a change in the season.

I’ve learned to be somewhat patient over the years. Seeing these rallies always makes me feel at home, yet a distant stranger because of the simplicity of it all. Life isn’t supposed to be this easy. Half brain damaged advisors aren’t supposed to thrive for extended periods of time — for a reckoning is supposed to come and wipe them the fuck out.

But here we are, in the stupidest shit ever — with nearly everyone with a brokerage account enjoying double digits returns over the past year.

Say what you want about it, profits have been increasing and business has been good, if not great. Unemployment is low, real estate prices high — America’s dominance has never been stronger.

President Trump’s tax plan was leaked (what else is new?). It’s likely to get shot down like Japanese zeroes over the pacific. Betting against anything Trump proposes is probably the very best bet one could take. Ergo, logic dictates that any optimism born from the details of such a plan should be faded and faded again.

I’ve been dealt a sour hand over the past few days — stocks have continued higher. My quant is higher again — by more than 0.6%, yet my speed chopping carrots with my balls on the table picks have been less than stellar.

Truth is, there isn’t a near term catalyst present to fade stocks. Nothing is out of the ordinary. N. Korea has cowardly shrunken behind their thick veils of secrecy and I’ve been left out here — stranded in bad positions — YANG, UVXY.

But I am hopeful.

Because the autumn is here and things are going to be dying soon, I am willing to give both YANG and UVXY another chance — a renewed lease on death which emanates from the darkest part of my soul. You’d be wise to unfollow me at this juncture — as I am most definitely going ‘off the grid’ into a place wrought with danger.

That was a whole lot of fluff — to simply say “I’m not selling out of my losers yet.”

While the lot of you enjoy yourselves, regaled in the blue mist of optimism, “The Fly” bows down and forks his knee sharply into the black dirt and awaits cataclysm.

I’d like to apologize to myself for wasting my time with the orange ape. The defeat of Luther Strange was predictable and it was clownish for the President to shill for him. But now that he’s lost, Trump thought it was a wise idea to delete his tweets, something I cannot forgive.

Sorry Trumpfags, you’re on your own with this one.

Good morning lads, it looks like the cryptofags have been partying all night and have now taken to a morning champagne party, with all of the fashionable people. BTC is +5.6% and ETH is +3.1%.

Over in stockland, S&P futures are +6, Nasdaq futs +22 — literally nothing can stop the madness. I’ll be selling out of my idiotic YANG and UVXY positions today, and then proceed to buy something and then immediately begin to doubt it’s right to exist on the planet.

Europe is enjoying the pastoral views, +0.7% on the Eurostoxx 50.

Goldumbers beat down again, -0.7%, and copper is +0.9%.

The dollar is pressing its rights against the old world, +0.5% — and yields are sharply higher by 6bps on the 10yr to 2.29%.

Listen to me. Bank stocks are going to roar out of the gates, as the 2-10 spread is blowing out more than 5bps this morning. I cannot recall another occasion, aside from after the elections, when the spread blew out like this. We may very well get a monstrous rally in the financials, starting today.

Stocks moving in the pre-market:

AVGR +166.7%, CALI +18.5%, EDIT +7.4%, MU +5.9%, ZSAN +5.1%, LNDC +4.8%, FWP +4.8%, KEM +3.9%, SN +3.3%, SIX +3.1%, TWTR +2.2%, CTLT +2%, RH +1.6%, JD +1.3%, STL +1%, TMUS +0.6%, AMSC +0.5%

KRNT -24.2%, WLKP -8.7%, ITCI -7.2%, ASND -4%, NKE -3.5%, ARCW -2.1%, FINL -1.6%, SONC -1%, WBB -0.5%

And analyst moves.

This story has amazed me since reading it a few months ago.

“Some countries don’t want any more FBI agents in their country than they have to — and that number could be zero,” said Leo Taddeo, a retired FBI supervisor who served abroad. Cuba is in that group.

For decades, the United States and Cuban diplomats have been shitting in each other’s toilets, breaking into each other’s homes and re-arranging furniture, smashing the headlights and fucking windshields, plates, dishes of each other, ripping clothes apart and kicking in televisions. You know, small harassments of one another — but rarely, if ever, hurting one another in a physical way.

Until now.

Last November, US diplomats in Cuba reported  feeling nauseous, dizzy, severe headaches — even losing their god damned hearing without a known cause. About 16 diplomates have suffered at the hands of secret Cuban sonic attacks, two of whom have lost their hearing. Forget about Russian meddling, these clown-fuckers are literally hitting our diplomats with sonic bombs.

We should annihilate the regime of Cuba, immediately.

Audiologists are puzzled by the attacks. Victims said they heard ‘loud, scraping noises’ outside their residences — likely concocted by a Tony Montana like figure doing lines of blow at 3am — fucking with highly educated US diplomats and their families for shits and giggles.

Cuban officials have warned the US to not rush to judgement on this, suggesting that perhaps all 16 diplomats might’ve been playing their radios too loud, or perhaps their televisions were on blast, whilst sticking chopsticks into their ear canals for fun.

“The Foreign Minister reaffirmed that the investigation to resolve this matter is still in progress,” the Cuban Foreign Ministry said in a statement, noting that “effective cooperation” of U.S. authorities was essential.

“It would be regrettable that a matter of this nature is politicized and that hasty decisions not supported by conclusive evidence and investigation results are taken.”

Maybe these super sonic weapons were Russian made — a diabolical scheme by Putin to use the worthless Cubans as a proxy to test out new weapons? Either way, I don’t see why we should wait, even a single minute, to drop the bombs on them, in an array that is commiserate with modern decorum of war. We could immediately seize their Rum distilleries and let the Italian mafia retake the costal casinos, making it a grande destination for Floridians and other gamblers in America who enjoy losing their money while inebriated.

North Korea has done nothing to draw my ire. But these fucking Cubans — they’ve had it coming for more than 60 years now. It’s time that we’ve taken action and answered their audio attacks with gigantic infernos sweeping through their cities, incinerating whole populations of miserable Communists, making room for Shake Shacks and Marriott Hotels.

It’s over rampFags. Did you see how the market distributed towards the end of the day? This means, without question, that stocks are going to vomit out of the gates tomorrow. By the end of tomorrow’s session, you’ll be all but ruined.

Watch.

Fifty six percent of stocks traded higher today and it was a good day, all around, aside from the last 30 minutes of trade. I am going to bitterly cling onto that small morsel of weakness, the proverbial chink in the armor, and suggest that all is now lost for western markets. We’ve had our fun. Now it’s time to die.

I had a perfectly fine portfolio filled with sparkling water and Chinese elementary school stocks before I had to get all fire and brimstone, clean out the whole thing, and replace it with UVXY and YANG. What the fuck was I thinking? Maybe I wasn’t.

Or, maybe, like so many of you, I’m trying to catch an inflection point in the market that hasn’t materialized since early 2016.

Either way, I’m dreadfully loathing today’s session, down by another 2.5%, only buoyed and buttressed by the fact that half my money is invested systemically, and it’s higher by 0.5%.

Everything I’ve ever done that ended up being worthwhile was hard. All of the garrulous trulls prattle away, fribbling and nibbling at the ends of the market — ingratiated most by their arch-ignorance.

I think to myself, ‘there has to be something that I can do to stop this’, some sort of diabolical doom cast upon the psyche of others. Maybe a spell using black magic, or a prayer to the Gods to deliver a tragedy of financial importance.

Notwithstanding, I don’t have any plans to conduct myself any other way. My roots have been planted and I intend to preside, like a gargoyle of immense proportions, over your graveyard. While today might be more of the same, mechanized march towards fresh record highs, I am hopeful and dedicated, like a servant of the devil, to the idea that an unseasonable hour is just around the bend.

Fed’s Yellen just got finished with an interview, where she jabbered on a long while without saying anything. Reporters are trying to paint this as some sort of revealing interview, when it’s just nonsense.

Here’s a few tweets that sum up here long winded exchange.

Yellen says that the Fed should be "wary of moving too gradually." US 2-year yields rise, are at their highest levels now since Oct 2008 pic.twitter.com/9IcXes4zCE

— Lisa Abramowicz (@lisaabramowicz1) September 26, 2017

December rate hike odds approaching 100% on Yellen's hawkish speech pic.twitter.com/Isc1Gau8ll

— zerohedge (@zerohedge) September 26, 2017

Fed's Yellen: Pace Of Rate Hikes Hasn’t Matched Dot Plot

— LiveSquawk (@LiveSquawk) September 26, 2017

She’s an animal, not of the human species. Yes, she acknowledged that inflation is non-existent and that her fucking dot plot failed by all measures — but she’s still going ahead with the December rate hike — fuckers — and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Currencies haven’t budged, but yields are rising. I suppose people are now pricing in more Fed hikes, while also jacking up stocks. The NASDAQ is now pressing ahead by 27, with purpose now, because that dastardly Yellen interview is out of the way. We really dodged a fucking bullet with that one, eh?

Back to yields, the 30yr isn’t even up 2bps, so it’s really a gigantic nothing-burger on a vegan grill. How many ways do I have to tell you people that the Yellen interview was stupid, irrelevant, and without purpose?

Yellen is a savage animal.

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) September 26, 2017

STOP TWEETING ABOUT IT.

I’ve been trying to find something wrong with today’s tape — because I’m biased like a fucker — hoping for the very worst of times — nuclear detonations over Tokyo — gigantic sea monsters stomping the Koreans out of North Korea. Alas, it’s a rather hard thing to do when things are going swimmingly. Admittedly, today looks like a very nice bounce day — the type of day that make you feel great to be an American — get down to the ground and kneel — grateful for the privilege to be long stocks.

My automated stocks aren’t an emotional wreck like my discretionary, which is now solely long UVXY and YANG, awaiting some sort of dreadful, black, doom. The market I had envisioned for today hasn’t panned out, just yet. I am, however, hopeful.

When you’re in a market that is being led by Snapchat, you know you’re in a good one. Stick around, wait for all of the colors to mesh, forming a wondrous rainbow of people and their money, celebrating life and the pursuit of happiness.

Nothing is notable, aside from the fact that GLD is enduring a lesser fate than your average earnings miss and warning. There isn’t a resolute base in gold, just a bunch of ham and eggers cavorting around wall, complaining about the Federal Reserve.