BOMB CUBA NOW

This story has amazed me since reading it a few months ago.

“Some countries don’t want any more FBI agents in their country than they have to — and that number could be zero,” said Leo Taddeo, a retired FBI supervisor who served abroad. Cuba is in that group.

For decades, the United States and Cuban diplomats have been shitting in each other’s toilets, breaking into each other’s homes and re-arranging furniture, smashing the headlights and fucking windshields, plates, dishes of each other, ripping clothes apart and kicking in televisions. You know, small harassments of one another — but rarely, if ever, hurting one another in a physical way.

Until now.

Last November, US diplomats in Cuba reported  feeling nauseous, dizzy, severe headaches — even losing their god damned hearing without a known cause. About 16 diplomates have suffered at the hands of secret Cuban sonic attacks, two of whom have lost their hearing. Forget about Russian meddling, these clown-fuckers are literally hitting our diplomats with sonic bombs.

We should annihilate the regime of Cuba, immediately.

Audiologists are puzzled by the attacks. Victims said they heard ‘loud, scraping noises’ outside their residences — likely concocted by a Tony Montana like figure doing lines of blow at 3am — fucking with highly educated US diplomats and their families for shits and giggles.

Cuban officials have warned the US to not rush to judgement on this, suggesting that perhaps all 16 diplomats might’ve been playing their radios too loud, or perhaps their televisions were on blast, whilst sticking chopsticks into their ear canals for fun.

“The Foreign Minister reaffirmed that the investigation to resolve this matter is still in progress,” the Cuban Foreign Ministry said in a statement, noting that “effective cooperation” of U.S. authorities was essential.

“It would be regrettable that a matter of this nature is politicized and that hasty decisions not supported by conclusive evidence and investigation results are taken.”

Maybe these super sonic weapons were Russian made — a diabolical scheme by Putin to use the worthless Cubans as a proxy to test out new weapons? Either way, I don’t see why we should wait, even a single minute, to drop the bombs on them, in an array that is commiserate with modern decorum of war. We could immediately seize their Rum distilleries and let the Italian mafia retake the costal casinos, making it a grande destination for Floridians and other gamblers in America who enjoy losing their money while inebriated.

North Korea has done nothing to draw my ire. But these fucking Cubans — they’ve had it coming for more than 60 years now. It’s time that we’ve taken action and answered their audio attacks with gigantic infernos sweeping through their cities, incinerating whole populations of miserable Communists, making room for Shake Shacks and Marriott Hotels.