iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
16,986 Blog Posts

NEW RECORDS, FRESHLY MADE, DAILY

Good afternoon gents,

I write to you from a small room, in a tower otherwise known as a spire. I am not in captivity or anything like that. I am simply in this place because I want to be here. From atop this perch, I can clearly see markets have hit new record highs, and all of the little pikers on Wall Street are cavorting, gaily, in search of fresh beers, swill to wash down all of the opioids they’ve ingested during the afternoon.

This is a really big week for the Chinese government, so don’t mess it up. The communist government will appoint new leaders, discarding the old one’s to organ retrieval vendors, to be expeditiously ferried into Tokyo for rapid transplants. It’s a shame our government isn’t as efficient as the Chinese. By now, we could’ve executed all of the enemies of the state, plus pass new healthcare and tax plans, which would’ve made sure no one got any.

Life as a vegan is going swimmingly. Strength is down in the range of 50-70%, and my energy levels match men 50 years my senior. Other than that, it’s great — sustaining off bread and potatoes — the way life ought to be.

Most of my stocks did really well today. I see some people seem to still believe their charts are making stocks trade up. Silly jackass manlets! Stocks are trading higher because it’s what they’re supposed to do. Why, you wouldn’t interrupt a lion while feasting and query, “dear Sir Lion, why are you eating that black baboon? It’s racist!”

With that line of questioning, you’re liable to be eaten yourselves.

Like the ferocious lion, the stock market bull gallops ahead, with zeal, because that’s what he’s designed to do. Please pardon my gender designation, I am an old man trapped inside of a 41 year old vegan torso.

I must go now. Time to make a large black cup of coffee and a flat white panini with beige hummus, perhaps with a side order of carnival red tomatoes and Irish green scallions.

Fun fact: I am color blind!

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15 comments

  1. it is showtime

    America the land of pussies.

    You let your stockmarket be commandeered by a traitor faction. Land o’ pussy.
    If-Then subroutines kicking in at 12:10, 1:10, 2, For-Next subroutine maintaining the intial-open height, is why the i-n-d-e-x-e-s are trading higher at least,
    Not because it’s what they’re supposedly-supposed to do. Pussy punk pussies

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  2. doji

    “Life as a vegan is going swimmingly. Strength is down in the range of 50-70%, and my energy levels match men 50 years my senior. Other than that, it’s great — sustaining off bread and potatoes — the way life ought to be. ”

    You sir, need to discover, “Banting”.

    https://www.google.com/search?q=Banting&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b&gfe_rd=cr&dcr=0&ei=ZBPlWaubDsXO8gff0bfoDw

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    • Dr. Fly

      I do not need weight loss. I’ve become quite gaunt these days, walking about with a visage of a hungry zombie.

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      • jmac

        Why the dietary self-harm? I struggle to see the upside.

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        • moosh

          It’s the new age type heroin shit, don’t you know? Crush your body and mind into survival mode and watch the natural borne instincts kick into gear reviving creative dominance / market winship

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        • acehood

          Yeah I don’t get it either. Some bs supply chain tripe about how we slaughter animals? Please.

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  3. momsen92

    News Flash: most men after age 40 feel symptoms that were never there prior. IBS, sleep deprivation and the relentless need to go to the bathroom at night. No diet will save you, unless you can curb your appetite for stress. Stress is the leading cause of disease. Stock losses = Much stress

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  4. Goober

    Who is the hairy dude wearing rings in the bathtub? It’s killing me to know. Google does me no good.

    Looks like I have to wait a month for $GE 2020’s to come online. In 2019 $28’s from around $0.76. Nelson Peltz thinks it can get to $45. But then he’s thought that since 2015/2016. Premium should get cheaper after earnings anyway.

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  5. sarcrilege

    No, stocks are trading higher cuz they’re goosed up by the usual synagogue suspects at the FED via their proxies, i.e citadel, ppt, gs, jpm, etc

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  6. Goober

    Thanks Cancel19. I didn’t recongize Liberace without his costume and piano. Its a great picture. Fly good luck with your vegan diet.

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