Good afternoon gents,
I write to you from a small room, in a tower otherwise known as a spire. I am not in captivity or anything like that. I am simply in this place because I want to be here. From atop this perch, I can clearly see markets have hit new record highs, and all of the little pikers on Wall Street are cavorting, gaily, in search of fresh beers, swill to wash down all of the opioids they’ve ingested during the afternoon.
This is a really big week for the Chinese government, so don’t mess it up. The communist government will appoint new leaders, discarding the old one’s to organ retrieval vendors, to be expeditiously ferried into Tokyo for rapid transplants. It’s a shame our government isn’t as efficient as the Chinese. By now, we could’ve executed all of the enemies of the state, plus pass new healthcare and tax plans, which would’ve made sure no one got any.
Life as a vegan is going swimmingly. Strength is down in the range of 50-70%, and my energy levels match men 50 years my senior. Other than that, it’s great — sustaining off bread and potatoes — the way life ought to be.
Most of my stocks did really well today. I see some people seem to still believe their charts are making stocks trade up. Silly jackass manlets! Stocks are trading higher because it’s what they’re supposed to do. Why, you wouldn’t interrupt a lion while feasting and query, “dear Sir Lion, why are you eating that black baboon? It’s racist!”
With that line of questioning, you’re liable to be eaten yourselves.
Like the ferocious lion, the stock market bull gallops ahead, with zeal, because that’s what he’s designed to do. Please pardon my gender designation, I am an old man trapped inside of a 41 year old vegan torso.
I must go now. Time to make a large black cup of coffee and a flat white panini with beige hummus, perhaps with a side order of carnival red tomatoes and Irish green scallions.
Fun fact: I am color blind!If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter