PANIC: CNN REPORTS FROM BUNKER, AS AMERICA PREPARES FOR NUCLEAR WAR WITH N. KOREA

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Le Fly reporting to you live from his nuclear bomb shelter. I’ve been planning for this day all of my life. Ever since I was a baby, I knew the world would be destroyed by thermal nuclear detonations. It will be an ironic end to this perfidious way of living, with bombs raining down upon us by way of technology given to North Korea from our own government.

But enough of that. We do not have time to blame one another for misdeeds. After all, this is the end. The world is ending and you’re going to hell.

At the front of this war is the tiny island of Guam. They’ll be smoked inside 10 minutes flat. North Korea’s MIRV guided missiles will turn that paradise into a literal hell, something you might see while watching your favorite teevee show after a dragon attack.

Here’s the Congresswoman of Guam, Rep. Bordallo, chimping the fuck out on CNN. She thinks our THAAD interceptors can save her. Silly moron.

CNN is reporting LIVE from a nuclear bomb bunker in Hawaii, enlightening people to some very key pieces of information. For example, in the event of nuclear war, THERE WILL BE SURVIVORS.

‘A lot of people on this island think if they’re hit with a nuclear warhead that everyone is going to die. And the emergency folks here say THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE. NOT TRUE. There will be lots of survivors.’

Watch.

GOOD NEWS FOR HAWAII. CNN is reporting 'there will be LOTS OF SURVIVORS' in the event of nuclear war. Hide in caves. pic.twitter.com/CiJxEtcop6

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) August 9, 2017

Full clip.

This all comes in response to the President’s very real threat, saying he’d rain ‘fire, fury, and quite frankly power’ down upon the heads of N. Korea — if they so bothered to look at us sideways.

N. Korea responded, in kind, suggesting they’d turn Guam into an ashtray.

It was nice knowing all of you. I expect N. Korea’s missile guidance systems will veer off a bit, generously depositing nuclear missiles all across the US, including the Northeast corridor where I am presently domiciled. It was an honor and privilege to shit-post for you all of these years.

As for the stock market, I expect it will trade up 0.3% tomorrow on this world ending news.

John only likes to support terrorists inside Syria and Neo-nazis inside The Ukraine. When it comes to war, the good senator from Arizona never shies away from one, unless of course it is being menaced by the man he hates most, President Donald John Trump.

Watch McCain, for the first time in his thousand year life, criticize American saber rattling against another country. Typically, ‘going down again’ John is all for it. In this case, he’d much prefer we BOMB MOSCOW, than all of N. Korea.

BOMB NORTH KOREA.

This war is on your shitlibs. You put Trump into a really bad mood.

Related: According to ‘intelligence sources’, N. Korea has mini nukes that can fit comfy inside of ICBMs.

At the vanguard of President Trump’s boastful Presidency is the wondrous stock market and its gains. Therefore, and in an effort to take that away from him, I want the market to be destroyed.

Let me explain.

Just like walls, this President is evil. His infectious brand of greed is making people on Wall Street clamor for gains, causing asset prices to overheat. Back in the glorious days of Obama, he lectured us to ‘eat our peas’ and to ‘pay our fair share.’ We might not have liked to do any of those things, but Father Barack knew what was best.

But with Trump, all we get is cocaine parties and obscenely gauche stock market extravaganzas. Someone has to put an end to all of this success.

Bear in mind, if the market keeps going up, there’s no fucking way we could ever install a decent American into the White House. People will be so high off the drugs and the euphoria of being rich, they’ll reelect the orange orangutan, punishing the intellectual elite in this country to another 4 years of twitter shitposting and making trannies suffer under the pangs of restriction.

If you are a true American patriot and care about your children and their gender of choice, you will sell your stocks now and ask your stocked brokers to sell them again, so that you could be short.

Sadly, the only way we are going to save this country is by breaking it first — into thousands of little pieces, causing grave unemployment and hunger not endured since the Great Depression.

When the history books are written, we need those authors to paint a picture of Trump that is black with evil intent, one that depicts a man who presided over the greatest and most calamitous stock market decline ever. It will make the tulip mania decline look conservative. I am talking ZERO BID for JP Morgan, motherfucking 2 cents for Berkshire Hathaway.

We need Bill Gates to cut his own head off on a fucked up and jumbled live Xbox feed that will keep timing out, forcing people to watch still frames of his arteries being severed with his Nesmuk blade.

Stocks have rebounded from this morning’s lows — the first lower low in 10 trading days. But truth be told, I’m entirely distracted now — dealing with brake jobs for two cars, while juggling a sundry of household items that would make Clark Griswold proud.

Apparel stocks are taking off, up more than 2%. This is what I call ‘pure bullshit’, seeing a sector that is known to be disheveled and horrible trade higher amidst weak volume. At your local hedge fund, only punks are manning the turrets for trading now — as most of the very smart and very rich managers are summering in the northeast corridor of the United States.

Ever since all of those gents from Africa have made their way up into Europe, most of the people I know are avoiding the continent, save the most eastern parts. Anyone traveling south for the summer is just plain stupid and the west coast is, well, the west coast — filled with gamblers and huckster, men of little distinction.

Market breadth is at 50%, meaning this is a tepid rally.

Here are the top sectors for the day.

Very soon, I’ll be taking a road trip up north, visiting parts of Massachusetts, Main and Rhode Island. If any of you have some good restaurants worth trying, heading up that way, feel free to share.

How horrible is this notch lower of 20 points? Some of us are on vacation, well deserving of a notch higher, yet here the market is, ingloriously, heading down. Quite frankly, it makes me sick.

Speaking of which, it looks like VRX is making a comeback. They just reported decent earnings and their top drug is growing again.

Says have satisfied Senate and House committee inquiries.

Stabilizing dermatology prices; have downsized to cut costs; working with WAG on product sales.

Had inspection of Tampa facility which is being inspected by the FDA; says yesterday was first feedback from FDA and talking to them about progress being made to ease concerns; Have a new head of quality on site at Tampa facility; taking steps it believes will solve issues.

Salix had volume and price.

Have cleared up a number of legacy litigation issues; will continue to focus ion cleansing the next three months.

Not providing EBITDA guidance for 2018 at this point; Says divestitures and LOEs will need to be taken into account, both will be a growth drag on 2018; Hope that LOEs continue to get pushed out and gain more revenue and cash flow in 2018; When lose exclusivity it will certainly be a drag but those will go away in 2018 so tells analysts to keep that in the back of their head.

Their stomach medicine, Xifaxan, grew by a genteel 17% for the quarter. Moreover, the company intends to pay down $5b in debt, ahead of schedule.

“We are delivering on our promises and making tangible progress towards a turnaround,” Chief Executive Officer Joe Papa said on a call with investors Tuesday after the company released second-quarter results.

Now with Bill Ackman out of the way, perhaps they stand a chance and can make a real comeback?

I have to head out this morning, run a few errands, partake in a few chicaneries. Feel free to gloss over the site, as you normally do, and click around. Make yourselves at home, minus the hovel styled mess.

He might’ve missed out on all of the Vietnam fun, but the Senator from Connecticut is in the shit now — currently waging war against the President of the United States.

Let’s give a quick rundown of the epic timeline.

Blumenthal talked extreme shit against Trump in a ‘candid’ interview.

That interview invoked a direct response from the ‘vacationing’ President, in an early morning barrage.

Interesting to watch Senator Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut talking about hoax Russian collusion when he was a phony Vietnam con artist!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2017

Never in U.S.history has anyone lied or defrauded voters like Senator Richard Blumenthal. He told stories about his Vietnam battles and….

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2017

…conquests, how brave he was, and it was all a lie. He cried like a baby and begged for forgiveness like a child. Now he judges collusion?

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2017

Trump’s tweets caused the man once accused of stolen valor to go to war, this time for real.

Here’s Dick Blumenthal in the trenches.

Mr. President: Your bullying hasn't worked before and it won't work now. No one is above the law.

— Richard Blumenthal (@SenBlumenthal) August 7, 2017

He then followed up that offensive with a Wolf Blitzer interview, talking greasy, telling the President he will not be distracted by his bullying. Trump is guilty and will die in jail.

Then the President gigantically assblasted the good Senator with a tweet bomb that ripped his arms and legs off his scrawny torso. Rest in piece Sen. Blumenthal. You fought valiantly.

I think Senator Blumenthal should take a nice long vacation in Vietnam, where he lied about his service, so he can at least say he was there

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2017

Someone give that man a Purple Heart.

Joe grew up in Florida and never bothered to join the military. I suppose he was busy playing shuffleboard or whatever the hell they do down in Pensacola. Ever since Joe entered the political scene, he’s been part of the neocon gang. You know, rubbing elbows with the likes of Bill Kristol, Paul Wolfowitz or his wife’s late father Zbigniew Brzezinski — chicken hawks who clamor for the blood of young Americans in a perverse, ritualistic manner.

Now, obviously feeling his oats for being a hardcore Never Trumper, making all sorts of new friends in the liberal media, Scarborough tweeted out a criticism to today’s youth, upset over their lack of enthusiasm for military service, opting to instead stay at home playing video games.

Young men in the 1940s liberated Europe from Nazism and the Pacific from the Japanese Empire. Today, too many stay home playing video games. https://t.co/e7FTe0O20P

— Joe Scarborough (@JoeNBC) August 7, 2017

Being an avid collector of old newspapers, and regular peruser of old articles on Google’s News Archive, I can tell that before and during WW2, there were countless older men penning articles critical of the youth of that time, who went on to become ‘the greatest generation.’ They called them soft and bitter, accustomed to American decadence, unable to go toe to toe with the hardened Hitler youth.

Wrong.

Here’s a letter from a fallen serviceman at Midway, discussing this very topic.

The subsequent result of Joe’s tweet was acrimonious attacks on an industrial scale.

No one wants war. Even the Greatest Generation would have preferred not to go. Uncle Sam had other ideas. https://t.co/K8NzO3NS8A

— Emily Zanotti (@emzanotti) August 7, 2017

It is ironic you say this on Purple Heart Day. My Marine Corps Company had 48 Purple Hearts, almost all were millennials. #purpleheartday https://t.co/6i7BL0USzm

— Ruben Gallego (@RubenGallego) August 7, 2017

Where do the thousands of millennials who went to Iraq under false pretenses fall into the equation here? https://t.co/LU15sDM1y4

— Greg Krieg (@GregJKrieg) August 7, 2017

Alternate take: If we had had video games in the 1940s, maybe there wouldn’t have been a horrific World War! https://t.co/x1GIgOwDeJ

— Jeff Cannata (@jeffcannata) August 7, 2017

Yeah damn I mean where is a World War when you need one to free Millennials from their couches. https://t.co/fYzj0RmtLb

— Jessica Huseman (@JessicaHuseman) August 7, 2017

I'm sorry, Joe. I will do better. I promise to go die in a war.

— Branson Reese (@bransonreese) August 7, 2017

Joe Scarborough officially BTFO.

The Federal Reserve just release consumer credit figures for the month of July, answering my question as to why people weren’t shopping at BBBY.

Revolving credit just hit a new record high. The last time people had this much debt was right before the financial crisis. Ergo, history is repeating itself and you’re all going to lose enormous fortunes.

On top of that, non-revolving debt (autos, students, special home repair credit lines) surged during the month of July too.

College is expensive and Mercedes Benz rarely offers discounts. Hence, America is drowning in student and auto loan debt. They’ve hit fresh record highs of $1.45t and $1.31t, respectively.

Couple that with the fact that wage growth is stagnant, with most of the new jobs in America being created in bars and eateries, and healthcare expenses soaring to over $26,000 per annum for a family of four, one should presume the average normie is without expendable income for random items at BBBY.

Our beloved healthcare system.

Dead wages.

So where is the money going? Find Waldo.

$48billion per quarter to United Healthcare.

And look at this chart, almost as nice as America’s revolving credit trend.

I recall when the Keurig was first invented and I’d mosey on down to my local BBBY for a fresh supply of K-cups. Those were simpler times, with younger Fly running about the stripped mall in search of provisions. Now everything is done online. I rarely, if ever, visit BBBY — due to the fact that I’ve grown increasingly belligerent to consumerism. There was a point along my long road that included frequent trips to shopping malls and other unsavory destinations, all for the purposes of spending the money I had accumulated.

All that aside, I get the fact that BBBY is under siege from Amazon — but the valuation is cheap now.

Let’s have a look.

The share price is -50% over the past 2 years.

Revenues are no longer growing.

Earnings have collapsed, indicative of a company desperately trying to keep the top line growing through discounts and promotions.

They’re sporting a price to sales ratio of 0.36, a 70% discount to its historical average, the cheapest at any point since 2005 — including the financial crisis.

In spite of collapsing earnings, their PE of 7 is rock bottom.

With a debt/eq ratio of just 0.55, one could hardly make an argument for financial distress. So why aren’t you out there sopping up seemingly cheap shares of BBBY now, in anticipation of a blockbuster Xmas season of people buying up iRobots, doormats, and faux silverware at rockbottom bargain prices?