iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,466 Blog Posts

NYU: In the Event of a Harrowing Market Decline, Banks Fall Short by a Mere $350 Billion in Capital

Happy BREMAIN day. I see some of you on Twitter are using today’s fantastic rally day to mock the ark, siding with my enemies. Just know, when the tides rise and the fucking tornadoes are wreaking havoc, the giraffes on the ark will spit on you as you attempt to board.

The nerds over at NYU came up with a layman’s model to determine which banks will mushroom cloud over Wall Street, in the event of a pedestrian 40% drop in stocks. The results were nothing short of catastrophic.

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As you can see, the banks will need $350 billion in bailouts from the American slave, err, tax payer. It appears the great southern scourge itself, Bank of America, leads the fray.

Now all we need is for the market to drop by 40%, in order to enjoy this ridiculousness.

Everyone having fun today? Not like I care, but what are you imps buying?

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18 comments

  1. seaturtle

    Mostly paring back. Bought $STRP.

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  2. tradercaddy

    Perhaps the nerds were getting bored eating falafel at the food trucks near Washington Square Park.
    Besides, 350 Billion can be printed in no time at all.

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    • infinitezuul

      350bn is a large amount of money for a single person, but it it small poe-tah-toes to most institutions these days.

      250bn is a decent sized buyback.

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  3. speerothekid

    sandwiches. buying lots of sandwiches.

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  4. peso trader

    We’re gonna need more fortune cookies

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  5. Hitter

    XBIT, target of shorts who destined to be squeeeeezed

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  6. seaturtle

    The federal government spent $600+ billion on TARP and another $600+ billion on buying Fannie, Freddie, and Ginnie securities so $350 billion is no biggie. However, the ability to execute a bailout in the future politically will be 10 times harder than in 2008.

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  7. bensteinsmoney

    Cramer credits Fly with this GPRO story … Did I miss it or is there another “Fly?”

    https://www.thestreet.com/story/13613470/1/here-rsquo-s-a-reason-gopro-gpro-stock-is-up-today.html?puc=yahoo&cm_ven=YAHOO

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  8. k_melancon

    Incan matrimonial head masks

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  9. jacked rabbit

    I’m buying extra life insurance as I and the rest of the rabbits are journeying to Baltimore, then to our nation’s capital, for the remainder of the month. Something about wanting to learn more about democracy. I told the 10 year old that we are Democratic Republic but he looked at me like I owned a pair of Crocs or something.

    I told them if they want to really learn how this country runs, we wouldn’t be going because I pay the dah-ham bills around here and what I say goes. That’s America.

    I’m outnumbered three-to-one, so…democracy.

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  10. thegametheorist
    thegametheorist

    why do people have new alien icons? did I miss my chance to don my new avatar?

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