You Are Cordially Invited, Once Again

Bear in mind, the iBankCoin 2nd Annual Investors conference is right around the corner, with a decadently arranged VIP party to follow that evening, on October the 24th, 2015. When there, I will be anonymous, amongst you, mingling like an ordinary reader. Perhaps we will discuss the end of the world as we know it, plunging equity markets and the proliferation of thermal-nuclear devices to be used for offensive purposes only.

Jeff Kohler aka The Option Addict, alongside Jeff Macke and Josh Brown, will be hosting the event, educating the masses on how to comport themselves when investing in bear markets. There will be a gratuitous amounts of food and beverage served, at the Yale Club in NYC. During the VIP after-party, I look forward to seeing many of you get inebriated and act ridiculous. This is most likely the very last iBC Conference ever, for I do not have the will-power or the time to wade through this again.

Since the majority of our readers are in the Tri-state area, I expect a strong turn-out. If not, I will track you down and murder you, as soon as you wake up the following day.

If you want details or have questions regarding the event, email me at [email protected].

Stocks went down today, following a 1,000 point melt up. This isn’t a bad signal. However, I do not expect the market to climb another thousand any time soon. I fully expect a resumption of boredom to grasp the markets by its head next week, offering entry points for both bears and bulls for the final show-down of 2015, which will take place in the month of September.

I like gold and restaurants heading into the fall (did I really just say that?). I’ll see you fuckers tomorrow.

My swan dive into the waterless pool has been enjoyable, thus far. Into the final hour of trade, I hereby call upon all of the ancient spirits to go full goblin on the bears, eating off their ugly faces and snapping their necks in half like pretzels.

My top holdings are as follows.

CYBR
ONCE
AMCX
YELP
BIDU
AAPL
PANW
GILD
BX
GG
SBUX

I entreat thee to bet against me. Art thou ballsy enough to muster the heat from hither?

I thought not.

I bought some motherfucking YELP, straight out of the garbage can next to the spoiled carrots and cabbage.

I’m not fucking around anymore. Mr. Nice Guy is over. Here comes the guy who kicks older men in wheeled chairs down sewer drains and tosses jumping jacks– into large crowds of Wall Street pikers– out from the backseat of his 1980’s stretch limo again.

I bought SHAK and did a little average down in EGO, in order to bring my basis down to a rational level.

With yesterday’s add, CYBR is once again my largest position, straight bowling on motherfuckers in the midst of crisis and Chinese chicanery. I haven’t seen this much stupidity since 1976, when the doctor who delivered me had the nerve to say “it’s a boy.”

I’M A MAN, MOTHERFUCKER.

Just the other night I was Count Dracula, saying goodbye to China, for good. Today I am a shareholder in BIDU. Two days ago, FCX was on a bee-line to zero; now Carl “fuck you, give me 3 seats on your board” Icahn has the shorts screaming inside of a burning barn–awaiting death.

No one really knows what the fuck is going on, excluding myself of course. We’re all just pissing in the wind. Again, I’d like to excuse myself from this discussion. Thanks.

“The Fly” knows exactly what he’s doing, at all times, a giant cock amongst a field of erectile dysfunction. Very simply, you cannot fuck with me.

I do stand before you in a very victorious manner, despite not catching the exact bottom. Bear in mind, I did not draw down (lolz) like the rest of you, harangued by downward spiraling stocks, miserable and without initiative.

Anyways, you know where I stand, long with 25% cash. The entirety of my portfolio is listed in Exodus, alongside my watchlists and real time buys/sells.

I’ll put forth some new ideas tomorrow.

Good night.

I’m getting all “Chinese’d” up again. I bought the only worthwhile stock in all of the orient: BIDU, below $150.

I also bought long term SHAK calls, a starter position in AMCX and added to my CYBR position, which was partly liquidated at $60.

With these buys, I’ve reduced my cash position to 25%.

One might ask “Fly, why do such a thing as this, when you yourself said it wouldn’t be the proper idea to pursue?” To all of those people who ask that, I am telling you right now, right here, go fuck yourselves. I’m entitled to dive into concrete swimming pools, that are depleted of water, clad in full celestial costume. You do not have the right to question anything that I do.

It’s like a small stupid child questioning a parent about bedtime. It simply isn’t appropriate.

I didn’t miss the rally, since I’ve always had 45% exposure. But I’ve missed the inflection point rally and now stand before you ‘supreme jackass’ of the first order.

So many stocks were being tossed away, liquidated by the Third Estate in frantic manners. I managed to sleep through the whole affair. Oh well.

Life goes on.

Oil and gas stocks are rallying hard today and I’m making up more lost ground in a few key names. I’d rather dive into a waterless pool than chase a plus 1,000 rally, so it’s popcorn and the couch for me–3-D glasses and the like.

I was outside playing in the street when the rally happened.

Instead of following through with my plan, I turned into a fucking vampire, called myself a count, and affixed blood sucking bats to the iBankCoin logo.

.

.

.

I’m miserable, dejected even. I had no shorts, only a few gold positions that have become the very essence of moronic design. All that aside, I was supposed to partake in the rally. I set up for it. I plotted and schemed and wrung my hands in a maniacal fashion when thinking of the deals I would steal. Instead, I got this.

It’s all well and good, lads. “The Fly” lives to fight hard another day. I have 45% long exposure and made some coin today. But it could’ve been so much better, sublime even. On days like this, weeks like the previous two, I question whether or not I am fit to manage money. The fear of loss has overshadowed the greed of success. I’ve become so jaded to everything that I see and hear, often times I am paralyzed from executing on plans that I design.

The market took the opposite path of prevailing wisdom, meant to hurt and humiliate the maximum amount of traders. If this logic is to hold true, tomorrow we will dive, inexplicably, by 500 points.

Truth be told, this mood will pass. It always does. It won’t be before long when I am blasting Rick Ross gangster music again, while slapping all of you with hot slices of pizza. Until then, I brood while listening to this, on repeat.

I keep seeing this little fucker on CNBC talking about buying stocks hand over fist, proclaiming this to be a garden varietal correction and then in the next sentence say he’s worried that the Fed isn’t going to RAISE rates and how that would be bad.

Why would it be bad?

Here comes the good part, something shared by fucktards globally.

He said “the Fed needs to normalize rates now so when the next recession hits, they can lower rates.” He furthered by suggesting if we had to do another round of QE, we’d be in big trouble.

Okay, my turn.

What evidence do you have that says QE didn’t work? Last I checked, Dr. Benjamin Bernanke saved the western world from the savage. His investments were brilliant, both in treasuries and the mortgage market. The Fed has massive cap gains on their balance sheet, thanks to QE. Moreover, we have never recovered from the 2008 crisis. We only papered over it. The only way to truly recover is to grow like a motherfucker or reset the national balance sheet, aka go bankrupt. We both know that isn’t going to happen, voluntarily.

So, the only option we have available to us is to extend the death sentence. Global growth is slowing in a big way and the Fed cannot be seen to be ridiculous, by raising rates in an environment like this.

Like it or not, this is the new normal. The old rules and tools do not apply. Raising rates for the sake of being able to cut them later is a ridiculously laughable proposition. We have 19 trillion in debt, son. There isn’t an advantage to be had by raising rates with that sort of fuckery.

The best thing the Fed can do now is remove the option of raising rates in 2015. That would stoke the flames of speculation and lend confidence to the canaille day trader, who is now in his natural peasant form, without the accouterments of faux wealth to make him/her feel better about themselves.

I give it to you, the reader in his housing tenement playing with his Netflix buttons. The market is all yours.

I needed that gold stock yesterday like I needed a hole in my head. This isn’t a rally, but a trap. The Fed is still retarded, talking about delaying rate hikes in September. The whole logic behind the rate hikes is juvenile.

“Let’s hike rates now, so we can cut them later, when we really need to.”

Fuck that.

The margin clerks are coming. Fear them.