IT’S TIME TO DRINK SOME NASDAQIRIS

It’s been a tough slog; but the NASDAQ overlords have assured us of splendor tomorrow. MSFT, GOOGL, AMZN and some little piece of shit networker named JNPR are all higher in after hours trade. This great feat of success is not without sacrifice. Low end rubber sneaker make, SKX, lost its penis in after hours trade–following what could only be described as “the single worst quarter in hipster sneaker history”, sending the shares down 30%. Shareholders are completely fucked.

There was also a tragic event in the shares of P, down 20%. Apple told you it would eat your lunch. You should have minded the store better.

And, finally, 3-D machine play SSYS went lower by 19%, which is par for the course for that lame as fuck tech stock.

There are other double digit movers of note, career makers and breakers alike, but not worth of this blog.

Just know the type of market you are in, one that practices the IRON LOTUS on a daily basis, testing the mettle of all market participants. Only the bravest and the best will escape this market without mortal wounds.

I anticipate EXTREME fuckery to take place tomorrow. We are anticipating a sharp rally of 60 NASDAQS tomorrow morning, at which time short sellers will be provided with a choice. That choice is to cover shorts and capitulate or double down and wait for the market to exhaust itself. My hunch tells me the market has exactly 170 NASDAQS of upside left, upside that was  hitherto denied to the fine gents who roam these halls.

I’d consider tomorrow’s rally to be a good omen ahead of the iBankCoin Investors Conference. In order to assure profit, I’ve taken up the task of sacrifice this evening, making sure to commit my blood ritual under the cascading light of this evening’s ghoulish moon.

There are approximately 170 NASDAQS left in this rally. If you recall, I alluded to this rally over and over again, in the beginning of October. When all of the nuclear dust has settled, the NASDAQARY would have risen by exactly 10% for the month. I cannot vouch for the months of November and December, however.

Even though we’ve rallied, it has a distinct feeling of doom to it. Bears are firmly in control of the tape, pushing stocks lower with their opinions. That’s the nature of speculation. Right now the bulls are weak and their stocks are subject to bullying.

As for me, I managed through today, being long both HCA and LPNT. The only silver lining to my hospital exposure is the size of the positions: pretty darn small.

On the other side of the ledger, I caught a break via someone else’s misery, when late in the day the rascals at the FDA threw shade upon ABBV’s HCV drug. This is an interesting development, which places egg all over the faces of ESRX, who opted for that drug, as opposed to GILD’s.

My sole source in biotech, the Good Dr., loves GILD.

Being my second largest position, GILD saved my day with its 5.5% surge higher.

My top position is a Chinese one: BIDU. It moved with the market. Some of my other top positions that lagged included TWTR and SHAK. Also, I had a few other trading positions sink on me, both NK and XON suck dick.

In no way did this feel like a +300 day. Nevertheless, I’ll take these small gains of 0.9% and hope for better tomorrow.

NOTE: LAST CHANCE TO JOIN THE IBC TEAM AT THIS WEEKEND’S INVESTOR CONFERENCE.

Breadth stands at just 65%, with the Dow up 309.

Get the fuck out of here.

I’ve seen many rallies in my time in Wall Street. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a rally like this one, so strong on the exterior, but weak underneath the surface.

It’s as if today’s rally was merely a facade, a rouse in order to permit sellers to exit while the chumps stay chomping away at the bit.

I hope I’m wrong about my suspicions and the weakness is just a few bear market remnants working out the kinks. But if I were you, I’d be especially careful about adding to long positions here.

Downside hedges might work best in a structure built upon sand.

Apparently, Obamacare isn’t really working out for hospitals, as hordes of uninsured eat away at quarterly profits.

The sector is down an amazing 10% today, led by an astounding decline of more than 30% in CYH.

Obviously there’s an issue here, a very sensitive one. This isn’t S Africa, filled with savages who toss uninsured patients out of hospitals, no matter how sick they are. I believe it’s the duty of government to ensure its citizens are taken care of in this regard. Build all the fucking tunnels and bridges in the world; but none of it means anything if you’re not feeling good.

The current system is unsustainable. A person like me pays upwards of $1,500 per month for a family plan, more than $18k per annum. Who the fuck can pay that sort of money, other than people making a shitload of coin?

Maybe fuckers like VRX need to be regulated. Or, maybe there needs to be a real national plan, sans all of the Obamacare crap. One thing is for certain, this shit here cannot last.

HCA said last week that its quarterly earnings would be hurt by an increase in labor costs and uninsured patients. The sustained poor results from hospitals suggest that the benefits of health reform in the U.S. have run out, said Sheryl Skolnick, an analyst with Mizuho Securities USA.

“The nightmare of health care continues and we’re now convinced it is time to get out of the way,” she said in a note to clients, cutting her rating to neutral from buy.

Everything is up, but biotech–thanks to VRX plunging by another 14%. This play is pretty simple. I trust that Bill Ackman and his team have done the due diligence to know if VRX was a fraud or not. Ackman only builds large positions in stocks he believes in. However, on occasion he is wrong, like in the cases of HLF short and JCP long.

But fairness to the JCP mistake, he was betting on a guy (Ron Johnson) who crafted the Apple stores. On paper, his ideas made sense, just not for the fucking trolls who clip coupons at JCP.

Granted, Ackman isn’t a doctor or an expert in biotech. But he is a numbers guy. I could accept the bear case if it was only predicated on the “drugs are too fucking expensive” storyline. But ‘Enron-like’ fraud? I’m not buying it.

I don’t own VRX; but it’s tempting down here.

I have nothing to brag about, following yesterday’s beatdown. I can only pray to the Gods, both old and the new, to bring fire and thunder onto the heads of my enemies, crush their souls and send them to suffer in agony, for eternity.

The ECB is the truth. Our Fed is filled with butterscotch candy eating motherfuckers.

Unlike our Fed, who seem to believe raising rates is the elixir to cure all of this deflation (fucking morons), the ECB is looking to print some more of those funny monies, pointing to a probably extension of QE in December.

“Concerns over growth prospects in emerging markets and possible repercussions for the economy from developments in commodity markets signal downside risks to the outlook for growth and inflation,” the European Central Bank president told reporters in Malta on Thursday after a meeting of the Governing Council. “The degree of monetary-policy accommodation will need to be reviewed at our December meeting when new macroeconomic projections will be available.”

Growth concerns should equal an easy monetary policy. What our Fed sees in our economy, post energy sector collapse and continued weakness in retail, is beyond me.

It appaears Euro-land will continue to outperform world markets for the foreseeable future.

s&p futs up 6, gold flat, oil up 1.5%, europe mildly higher

Higher

Kick ass earnings: SQNS +23%, OCLR +21.7%, PFPT +16.4%, ELY +9.1%, ASPS +8.6%, TXN +7.7%, EBAY +6.7%, CTXS +6.6%, MCD +6.5%, ORAN +5.1%, LVS +4.6%, LOGI +4.6%, DNKN +4.5%, TSCO +4.3%, WFT +4.1%, XRS +4.1%, TBI +3.8%, DOW +3.7%, STBZ +3.6%, EEFT +3.2%, URI +3.1%, ADPT +2.8%, CYTX +2.8%, BPFH +2.7%, TRST +2.5%, DPS +2.4%, LUV +2.3%, PRLB +1.6%, LAZ +1.6%, CBU +1.5%, DGX +1.5%, SN +1.4%, UNP +1.4%, LLY +1.3%, GGG +1.2%, MLNX +1.1%, USG +1.1%, NWE +1%, WCC +1%, RCI +1%

CIT +6.6% (looking to sell commercial air biz; Thain retires), BUD +1.4% (nonsensical rumors)

Semis strong, since every day is a new buyout: LLTC +2.6%, STM +1.5%, ARMH +1.1%

Miners reovering from yesterday’s tragedy: AU +3.5%, RIO +2.6%, BHP +2.1%, GFI +1.1%

Oil men are out strong this morning: SDRL +2.7%, BP +2.5%, WLL +2.1%, RIG +1.5%

ZFGN +11.9% (we haven’t killed anyone lately), CANF +11.9% (looking to provide men with erect penises, just like viagra), VBLT +9.7% (phase 2 propaganda ), SUNE +6.3% (not dying today), EFII +5.8% (lawsuit success, earnings), KORS +3.3% (Einhorn bought some), FEYE +3% (dead cat bounce), STX +1.7% (bunch of bullshit ), MSM +1.4% (divvy hike), TSLA +1.4% (Musk defends his cars on Twitter)

Analyst nonsense: SNH +0.7% (upgraded to We think this is good from Crap burger at Wells Fargo)

Lower

Embarassing earnings: CYH -20.5%, EVHC -15%, CNMD -12.8%, FTK -10.2%, MKSI -9.5%, RCKY -8.3%, KMI -6.1%, DLB -5.9%, MJN -4.8%, CLB -4.4%, APOL -4.2%, AXP -4.1%, NOW -4.1%, PH -4.1%, RHI -3.8%, CAT -2.2%, BTG -1.6%, PDS -1.3%, AMP -1%, KNX -0.8%, EFX -0.8%

RLYP -12.4% (FDA approval, with a twist), THC -10.9% (following CYH in the sewer pipe), VRX -8.1% (Citron might’ve taken more screen shots of alleged fraud), HCA -6% (following CYH into the garbage can), UHS -5.9% (following CYH into the sea), LPNT -5.2% (following CYH into the nuclear reactor), IPXL -4% (announced FDA approval; no one gives a shit), TEX -1.8% (CAT done fucked up their swag)

Analyst horseshit: PSO -6.1% (downgraded to Meatless Meatballs at JP Morgan), SBH -4.1% (downgraded to Vegan burgers from Outperform at Wells Fargo), CS -3.4% (downgraded to PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT at Bankhaus Lampe)

I am very sorry if you’re a cubs fan tonight. Let’s be clear, you were humuliated by an underdog team, arrested by a certain Daniel Murphy, who single handedly crushed your faces in.

Mr. Murphy set a MLB record by hitting a homerun in 6 straight games. Despite only willing 90 games in the regular season, the Mets are, by far, the best team in the National League.

They aren’t the best because they have the best stats, the coolest players, or the gnarliest beards. They are the best because they wanted it most, and because I said so.

I haven’t been interested in baseball since the NY Mets collapse of 2008. Consider me a fair weather fan. “The Fly” doesn’t have time for losers. But now that the Mets are winning again, I shall call upon ancient spirits (extra mum-rah) to assault and annihilate whichever half-tarded AL team that is presented before the feet of deGrom, Wright, Cespedes and Familia.

Let’s go Mets, your future MLB world series champs.

The iBankCoin 2nd annual and motherfucking last conference will be held this Saturday, October 24th, 2015. The event will be held at the Yale Club, NYC–a venue that 99.9% of you clowns will never be permitted inside of, lest you were invited by someone like me.

Dress code is entirely up to you. I imagine some of you might show up in sneakers and underwears. Some of you might spruce it up a bit with a jogging suit. I do believe, however, that you’d be best served with business casual.

Breakfast will be served at 8:30am, lunch at 12:30pm, break at 2:30pm.

Guest speakers include our very own Jeff Kohler aka The Option Addict, who has been working tirelessly on a special presentation. For those of you who attended last year’s event in Vegas, Jeff intends to top his near perfect presentation this year. If Ragin Cajun is up to it, he’ll be your mc. And, Jeff Macke and Josh Brown “the Reformed Broker” will also provide our captive audience with some mind blowing commentary (no one will be killed at this event). Last year’s LULU recommendation by Macke was probably the best call in retail all year.

The VIP cocktail party will be held in the library room, from 7pm-10pm, entertained by a live quartet with lots of food and high end spirits. We are still ironing out the final details and these things are always a hassle; but I hope to make this memorable and useful, especially given the current manic state of the markets.

See you there (but you won’t know it’s me).

So far this week, the bears have attacked two former bell-weathers, BOFI and VRX, and won. The mood is especially somber, after coming out of September with guns blazing; October is looking like a fucking bust.

Biotech and commodity related stocks are in a special sort of hell, one that roasts its inhabitants at accelerated temperatures, all the while dropping anvils on their skulls.

Today, I’ve been crushed into dust. Being fully long, exposed to the easterly winds, I am down 1.85% for the day. This is a sordid affair. My top 3 positions are BIDU, GILD and TWTR. I have other positions down a lot more, such as CNX (fuck coal), BWLD, PANW and MU.

Listen to me. I thought we were good; we’re not. We’re fucking doomed. Giant insects are going to swoop down and eat our faces, lift us into their nest, then rip apart our arms and legs. Dust storms will develop, clown raping farmers, forcing them to commit ancient human sacrifices in futile attempts to save their crops. The market will cease to exist, after Citron Research and Bronte Capital dot blogspot dot com, issues new scathing reports, suggesting life is a lie and the market is filled with shell companies who don’t really transact business, but instead are merchants of illusion. They will support said claims with a series of website screen shots, effectively sealing our fate to the depths of hell–where centaurs will kick our chests in and goats will impale us with their horns, then gnaw away at our lips.

Hopefully the market will rally tomorrow.