PBOC SAYS THERE’S MORE ROOM TO CUT

Asian stocks are off to a solid start this morning after the PBOC (People’s Bank of China) cut interest rates and reserve requirements, much to the chagrin of Zerohedge.

I know you’re all in the streets broke from biotech trades gone awry. I just wanted to thank you, from the bottom of my black heart, for taking food out from your children’s mouths, to join us at the Yale Club this year. It was a great time filled with some truly memorable moments.

For those of you who couldn’t make it out, for whatever reason: burn in hell. I have no pity for you.

And, finally, I’d like to offer a tip of the top hat to the distinguished gents who had the means to join us in celebration in the library room, for food, entertainment and cocktails. I hope you found the venue to be suitable to your savage standards.

In case you’re wondering why Josh Brown couldn’t make it out this evening: he had a prior engagement to partake in biblical-styled gluttony, involving a friend of his roasting an entire pig. Josh told me he couldn’t miss this meal, for he intended to eat the swine’s entrails, something that has been on his bucket list for sometime now.

Thanks again.

Fly

I just got home, after a night of fuckery on a maganaminous scale. There isn’t any parking this time of night, anywhere, in Brooklyn. I hate crowded neighborhoods more than anything else, which is why I moved the hell out of here many years ago.

That being said,  I look forward to getting a solid 3 hours of rest and seeing the 2nd annual iBankCoin conference tomorrow.

For those in attendance, I hope you have a good time and enjoy the accomodations.

-Management

Come on, son. Who else can call a 10% monthly rally to the day? Truth be told, the Exodus oversold signals guided members, almost without flaw, these last 4 months.

The prophecy is nearly complete. I hoped you all enjoyed this respite, granted to us by the Order of the Cinncinatus. Very soon, the debt ceiling will become a topic of discussion and then all will be lost: we are doomed.

For the day, I finished up 1.1%, a bit hamstrung by SLCA and PANW. It has been a hard market, prison shank to the gut hard. But we’ve made it this far, amidst all of the turmoil and angst–fighting off caitiffs at every step of the way.

The iBankCoin Conference is here. I will be heading out to Brooklyn this evening, to show the gang streets where people used to get knifed in the eye-sockets, now denizens for hipsters and Shake-Shacks alike. The conference is sold out. I might be able to kick staff out to fit late minute stragglers. But don’t count on it. If you purchase a ticket, we will review the seating arrangements and if we cannot fit you in, you’re monies will be returned.

We do, however, have room for the After Hours reception, from 7pm-10. I look forward to seeing all of you, while none of you see me, tomorrow.

Ciao.

Back in the darkest days of 2008, iBankCoin was a destination for wizardry, dry good stuffs, survival gear, and end of days scenarios. In between all of that, I managed to crush the markets, both long and short, navigating it with the clarity of 10,000 Nostradamus’.

One of the more memorable days was when long term commenter, bear extraordinaire named CAP, threatened to seize upon his own penis and suck it, if the market reversed a most heinous downside action in less than 1 hour to go.
(read the comments section of that day, 10/23/08)

The odds were certainly in his favor. The market had been crushed to pieces; but we all sensed a shift coming, emanating from his very own comment.

By 3:33 pm, the locker room was filled with taunts, whipping CAP in the ass with wet towels.

By 3:40pm, the market was meandering, unsure as to which direction it wanted to take. CAP was, undoubtedly, perspirating and loathing the specter of having to commit auto-fellatio.

By 3:44pm, CAP, filled with regret, tried to  back peddle his way out of the bargain, casting aspersions on Henry Fool; but knowing full well, he was on deck to suck his own penis.

By 4:00pm, CAP’s fate was sealed. Truth be told, we never heard from him again. The great shame that befell his house that day must’ve forced him into a life of seclusion. Perhaps he went to find God in the mountainous regions of Nepal, become a monk, learn how to exhibit discipline when needed.

Wherever you are CAP, the good folks at iBankCoin wish you well. Thanks for the memories.

Fifty four percent breadth today, following yesterday’s 65% nonsense. So over the past two days, the NASDAQ has risen 180 points, the Dow +400, and only 60% of stocks went up? Talk about a narrow-minded rally.

This market is rewarding high free-cash flow, mega cap stocks, discarding everything else to the trash heap. It’s difficult for me to explain. But in layman’s terms, there is zero chance of this rally to continue for much longer. A house built upon sand is bound to collapse.

My top three positions are doing okay: BIDU, GILD and TWTR. I’d like to see my ancillary plays start to work too. When my smaller positions work out, it gives me room to stretch my legs and to explore the market, take on more risk. Right now I feel boxed in by the narrowness of the rally. Also, I feel like a fucking grand piano is about to fall on my head.

This is truly unbelievable. At a time when CEOs are renowned for being bloody thirsty, gluttonous, heathen, new Twitter CEO, Jack Dorsey, announced today that he is giving away $200 million in his Twitter stock to employees.

Twitter confirms specifics of CEO Jack Dorsey’s transfer of 1/3 of his holdings to an employee equity pool
On October 22, 2015, Twitter and the Jack Dorsey Revocable Trust, for which Jack Dorsey serves as trustee, entered into a Contribution Agreement. Pursuant to the Agreement, the Jack Dorsey Trust will give back and contribute to Twitter, without any cost or charge, an aggregate of 6,814,085 shares of Twitter’s common stock. Mr. Dorsey and Twitter have made the Share Contribution subject to, and effective as of the date of, Twitter’s stockholders approving an equity incentive plan that allows for a number of shares equal to the Share Contribution to be granted over time to Twitter’s employees and other service providers. In connection with the Share Contribution, the Board has approved Twitter’s 2016 Equity Incentive Plan to provide for the granting of stock options, restricted stock, restricted stock units and other equity awards to eligible employees, directors and consultants from time to time, and has approved an aggregate of 6,814,085 shares of Twitter’s common stock to be reserved for issuance under the 2016 Plan.

This is one of those moments when you know, as a shareholder, that the right guy is running your company. He doesn’t give a shit about the money. He is trying to motivate his team to excel, knowing that when he does, the gains on the remaining two thirds of the stock he still owns will be worth far more than the entire position is now.

I am proud to be long TWTR this morning and feel really good about its new CEO, much better than that other @dick who was running it before.

Higher

Smokin’ hot earnings: GIMO +14.7%, ATHN +10.9%, GOOG +10.8%, NTGR +10.7%, MSFT +10.4%, AMZN +9.6%, BJRI +9.5%, SPNC +9.1%, THC +8%, QSII +7.3%, INUV +6.6%, LOGM +4.7%, JNPR +4.7%, WHR +4.5%, COF +4%, RCL +4%, ALGN +3.8%, AAL +3.7%, BPOP +3.5%, ETFC +3.4%, TRN +3.3%, TEN +3.3%, BYD +3%, T +2.4%, SWN +2.2%, PG +2.2%, PG +2.2%, CFG +2%, DB +1.9%, PACB +1.7%, FET +1.5%, EGHT +0.9%, RMD +0.8%, SRCE +0.7%, DTE +0.7%, .

M&A news: BUD +2.3% (people are drunk), LXK +1.9% (following report that company might consider sale)

China is the truth: BABA +3.9%, BIDU +3.8%, JD +3.8%, SFUN +3.7%, JMEI +3.4%, BITI +3.4%, QIHU +3.3%, CTRP +2.9%, FXI +1.7%

Miners are the shit: AG +5.7%, TCK +4.2%, AUY +4.1%, BBL +3.9%, FCX +3.8%, AKS +3.8%, BHP +3.6%, RIO +3.6%, X +3.6%, SLW +3.5%, GDX +3.4%, VALE +3.4%, CLF +3.4%, ABX +3.2%, NEM +3.2%, GOLD +3.1%, AA +1.8%

Randomness: MACK +8.5% (confirms FDA likes their drugs), QSII +7.3% (company is selling division and earnings were good), VNCE +6.5% (new CEO), HZNP +5.9% (reaffirmed the fact they haven’t hiked prices on drugs lately), TEX +4.1% (bounce), GPRO +4.1% (even shit floats), ALGN +3.8% (lawsuit nonsense), CYH +2.4% (bounce off floor), SUPN +2.3% (FDA HORSESHIT), ARMH +2.3% (semis), SNY +2.3% (trading higher with rest of bio/pharma names today)

Mostly everything is up pre-market

Analyst comments: ALK +2% (upgraded to Crack pipe good at Evercore ISI), ZSPH +2% (upgraded to Magical from Equal-Weight at Morgan Stanley), RXDX +1.8% (initiated with a Gangster at Jefferies; tgt $18)

Analysts are going crazy with upgrades this morning. Dumb mother llamas.

Lower

SHAMEFUL EARNINGS: P -31.3% (no one pays for their shit), SKX -27.4% (dumb ass kicks), SSYS -18.2%, FTNT -14.1%, SRCL -13.4%, ACTG -10.7%, UCTT -10.4%, ADUS -8.3%, SMSI -7.8%, QLIK -7.7%, ERIC -6.8%, BAS -6.7%, MKTO -6.6%, LHO -6.5%, HURN -5.7%, N -5.1%, VFC -4.4%, MXIM -2.9%, SYNA -1.6%, SPSC -1.4%

Randomness: SPPI -32.1% (FDA shit on them), MCEP -24.4% (oil sucks ), EMES -23.8% (forgoes Q3 distribution), NBY -21.9% (dilutive offering ), CVM -9.3% (DILUTION), VTL -4.7% ( MOAR DILUTION), SLCA -4.1% (following EMES down the toilet bowl), DDD -3.8% (SSYS gave them aids), MASI -3.5% (who cares, right?)

Analyst HORSESHIT: ENTA -4.1% (downgraded to GARBAGE from Equal Weight at Barclays), FEYE -2.6% (downgraded to Boring from Outperform at Wedbush), VSH -1.8% (downgraded to Jerks from Neutral at Citigroup)

In a very surprise move, the Chinese central bank cut interest rates by 25 bps. The result: European markets have increased their gains, with the DAX up more than 3%.

Our NASDAQ futs are up more than 120.

Happy Friday. Be easy.

I think we have two spots left. If you’re sitting on the fence, pondering about beholding greatness in person, you best act now else you’ll lose the opportunity.

We do, however, have capacity in the after hours cocktail reception, to be held in Yale Club’s library room, from 7-10pm. This will, most likely, be the last chance to network with the good folks from iBankCoin. Although the past two conference have been a success, I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you they are a headache to organize.

If conferences aren’t your thing and you’re more interested in networking and meeting the evil people from the comments section, alongside the iBankCoin team, sans The Fly (he will be hidden in plain site), buy a VIP ticket and wear your best top hat.