Saturday, December 10, 2016
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
14,876 Blog Posts

Gun Control and How it Pertains to Northern Masters

Growing up in NYC I was taught to “stay away from guns” for they were bad and killed people. Whenever someone said the word gun, I instantly thought of a burglar in a black ski mask. Guns are not a “way of life” in the north, something you hillbillies from West Virginia cannot understand.

The scars from the civil war have not been cauterized. As young children running about the play yard, we were taught to distrust and mock people from the south, calling them names and throwing moonpies at them whenever they’d appear out from their Dukes of Hazard styled automobiles. Many of you are surprised to hear anti-gun rants from northern conservatives, which is causing ¬†everyone throw sections of the constitution at one another. But you must understand, the great thinkers from the north do not feel the need to carry pistols. They believe government to be corrupt, yet benevolent. They believe, emphatically, that the government can be trusted by a factor of 1,000 over gun-toting confederates in the south.

People from Pennsylvania are just weird.

Here’s the different between a norther master and laborer from the south.

We wake up in the morning and eat bagels, hop on a train, filled with armed police, then go to work to collect our 7 figure salaries.

A worker from the south wakes up and cleans his pistol over a bowl of hot grits, hops on the tractor and plows the field for nine hours, shooting buzzards the whole damn time trying to eat his corn.

The reason why I am pro-gun lies in my deep distrust of the govenment. Plus, I still have a fondness for the constitution, unlike many of my northern colleagues up here. The militia ARE the people. Military grade power aka “the sword” was meant to be entrusted with the people in order to check a tyrannical government.


“The Fly” is into that sort of thing and never eats bagels, as a matter of fact.

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  1. Raul3

    They should ban bagels. Too much like crack

  2. Mhfgarwood

    I live in Texas and hate guns. All my in laws already want to take my 3 year old duck hunting.

    I used to go duck hunting as a teenager. Breaking ice and setting decoys at 5am then waiting in the blind.

    Very dumb sport

  3. Woodshedder

    What happens after the $VIX explodes more than 25% in 5 days?

    Look at the results here:

  4. Patrick

    The North hates the constitution like a Belgian hates Belgium.

  5. Ronn

    Shut up! Your writing isn’t funny and it certainly isn’t informative. Shut your stupid fucked face.

  6. Flyaway18

    I think the poster Ronn has anger issues and I hope he’s not carrying a gun…maybe he’s from PA…as for guns, only stories I ever heard about them were the ones my grandpa, Tillie, told me, growing up in the West End of Boston. Oh, and the muskets used during The Revolutionary War, which every kid from Massachusetts was proud to read about and see hands on (Paul Revere’s House, The Battle @ Lexington Green etc.) From a kid’s perspective back then, the use of guns for war and acts of crime like those of the mafia now seem so glamourized compared to how guns are used on civilians today.

  7. Trading_Nymph

    Well Obama and the Senate is back…talk, talk, talk today.

  8. MX2101

    A memory-
    When I was a child we used to visit my Uncle in the Florida panhandle.
    For the kids, breakfast was served on a wood plank table in the kitchen, that had a yellow tile counter and a porcelain sink.

    We had scrambled eggs, sausage patties, thick lumpy grits with butter, white toast cut diagonally with grape jellly, a tall glass of cold whole milk, and a short glass of orange juice.

  9. TheLetterP

    love this post. not to mention you have to be pretty un-connected not to be able to get a gun these days; at any age.

  10. JV

    SWHC on twitter – HQ in the northeast ( ha ) a quick read for HMC fans on page 16 of the Feb ’13
    Automobile Mag. boss chat
    ( No bagels )

  11. tm

    I love that argument from pro-gun people that say they need their gun to defend themselves against a tyrannical government. WTF does that even mean? The US military?? Are you serious? Walk me through how that would work. The govt, which decides its going to start killing its own people, is rolling through your suburb, using the firepower it has at its disposal, and you and your rifle are going to stop it. Right, of course. These people are really getting lost in their imaginations. Prone to believing in myth and fantasy. Really, its just complete fear and insecurity. Because they are pear-shaped, or got beat up by their step-fathers, or are just ordinary blue collar trash.

    • Woodshedder

      How many soldiers would support such a thing?

      What if only a small percentage of the military supported the tyrants?

      Would you want protection against them?

      History is littered with examples of why you want some protection. Yeah, sure, it can’t happen in America.

      • Mr. Cain Thaler

        Yeah, I’m pretty sure Libya is a good example of this sort of thing.

      • Jacked Rabbit

        The government wants you to buy all of the guns out there. Heck, they’ll even write it in the Constitution.

        They’ll go shopping in the DRONE aisle.

      • tm

        So tell me how we get there. This line of thinking is so fanciful and naive, its like how a 14 year-old boy sees the world. Another aside, people who stockpile guns to take on the govt (you know, when they come for us, using tanks and heavy artillery) are generally the same people who’ve spent their lives voting for a strong military (condescending LOL).

        • Mr. Cain Thaler

          Please tell me how our military did fighting off goat herders armed with weapons from the 1970’s and small arm explosives they assembled from cell phone parts and chemicals you can buy at a convenience store.

        • Mr. Cain Thaler

          Are you suggesting it is impossible for the US to ever turn into a political situation similar to that of a Libya, Syria, or Lebanon?

          Why don’t you find some Lebanese living in the US today and ask them what their home used to be like? Actually, Taleb (Black Swan author) is just such an individual.

          Or Egypt, which used to be a democratic hold and welcomed American tourists openly?


      i’m not worried about the U.S. military turning on the people. the U.S. military is filled with scots-irish peasants from the sunbelt. They might bomb NYC but they won’t fight against their homeland.

      No, the guns are for dealing with the lumpenproletariat when / if society breaks down.

  12. cbgraper

    Maybe they should just ban guns for people in the north…. The relaxed southern farmers eating corn and shooting crows don’t seem to ever have a problem

  13. TypeBTrading

    I received my FOID card in the mail last week. I grew up in Dix Hills LI, NY. Zombie Apocalypse!

  14. elizamae

    “People from Pennsylvania are just weird.”


    It’s like we are trapped between the north and south. We have the largest number of hunters per capita (south), yet our southern border is the Mason-Dixon line (north). Western Pennsylvanians talk in their own dialect/lexicon like fucking idiots (south), but post Civil War-early 20th Centrury, Pittsburgh was the hub of technological innovation (north).

    If it weren’t for family (and the fact that Oregon is even more fucktarded), I never would have returned to this godforsaken coal country.

  15. Dr. No

    My car was recently broken into in Chicago. All that the assailant left behind was a trail of bagels and his purple Obama Phone. True story

  16. T-Bird

    The British aren’t coming. You don’t need 7 guns.

    If you want to go hunting, why can’t we have a system where you check guns out like library books. Why does the answer have to be to sell you more guns. There are too many out there.*

    * I’m a born and bred southerner

    • Mr. Cain Thaler

      I don’t need seven guns, or a plasma screen tv, or internet connection, or steak.

      I want all of those things however, and am just not much interested in you telling me otherwise.

      Also, the most common use of guns is self defense, hands down. Unfortunately, most assailants don’t make an appointment, so the check-out method is somewhat difficult to utilize.


    Dear Fly,

    As a South Carolinian and descendant of slave-owning confederate vets, I take the view that when the shit hits the fan, I will be in better shape than you bunch of train-riding, latte-sipping Wall Street pussies. Have fun being at the mercy of Malik Shabazz from Trenton.


    sorry i meant newark. or camden. or wherever it is y’all keep your black people penned up.

  19. The Once and Future Rhino
    The Once and Future Rhino

    Try ter take my dog gone guns and I kilt you! Sum bitch! In other news, crumpets vs bagels for the showdown.

  20. cbgraper

    Basically, ALL guns need better regulation where you need a background check before purchasing such an item. Semi-Automatic weapons need better regulation especially. Pistols and firearms such as shotguns or rifles used for hunting do NOT need to be like a Library where you rent them! People live in the country or on farms in South or the North (NY has farms where people hunt!) and are no where near civilization….and because of the constitution, have the right to own firearms.
    Bottom line -> better regulation and background checks need to be induced so mentally insane people cant get access to firearms and people that are responsible and are trying to hunt OR protect their family incase of intruders, still have the right to their firearms!


      you don’t get it. the rural north is lily white and looks has the demographics of god damned Sweden or Norway. There’s nothing you need protection from.

  21. Belly of the Beast
    Belly of the Beast

    Just a reminder:

    Semi auto means one bullet per trigger squeez.

    Fully automatic means multiple bullets per trigger squeeze.

    Hand guns can be semi auto.

    Revolvers also have speed loaders to load 5 or 6 at a time.

    Semi auto clips mostly load 8, 10, 12 for handguns, more for rifles.

    • Belly of the Beast
      Belly of the Beast

      Semi’s can jam, putting the user at risk.

      He would then draw his revolver that never jams.

      Would someone then draw the conclusion that revolvers are deadlier than semi automatic because revolvers never jam ?

      Typically one holds 5 bullets, and the other 8 or 10.

  22. Patrick

    Grits > oatmeal

  23. chris

    Grew up swaggering around the neighborhood with my Crossman BB/Pellet gun in the Deep South. No one gave it a second thought. Trucks and gun racks were the norm. Today I carry concealed and quite enjoy it. Few of my neighbors don’t. I believe in the 2nd Amendment as a natural right against tyranny. In the South there is a distrust of the government, particularly of the federal variety. The US military is the mightiest in the world. But no soldier I have ever served with or are now serving or retired would turn their weapons on a ‘merican citizen at the order of a government tyrant. Those few that would, would find their head at the barrel end of a M-16 set to auto from a Marine’s itchy trigger finger. And they would welcome those citizens who exercise their 2nd amendment rights to join them.

    • tm

      You are much more likely to die of an early heart attack, from the cortisol running through your veins, as you run through gun-fight fantasies in your head. Carrying a concealed weapon around with you just increases your baseline stress level, because you are always going to be thinking about drawing your weapon on the first brown person that crosses your path.

      • chris

        I’m not prejudiced against who I’ll protect my family and myself against. White, black, brown. Doesn’t matter. I’m pretty happy knowing I can have my 9 by my side if I choose to carry. It’s not very stressful at all. And, you know, when you get trained, you learn not to pull your weapon on random people. It will get your license withdrawn.

  24. lowBall

    Your proofreading is without top hat.

  25. Belly of the Beast
    Belly of the Beast

    ” As young children running about the play yard, we were taught to distrust and mock people from the south.”

    As well as people from Queens, Manhattan, Staten Island and Da Bronx.

  26. Cascadian

    The right to own a gun is an important freedom.

  27. macpatton

    I grew up in California on the coast. Most people I knew had guns and taught their kid how to use them safely. We hunted dove, quail, rabbits, cans and bottles. Nobody thought it was odd. Different now.



  29. The Eye-Talian Stallion
    The Eye-Talian Stallion

    To the folks afraid of guns.

    I am the man sitting next to you in the theater. I walk by you in the mall. I’m in the car sitting beside you at a red light. I’m at the next table over in your favorite restaurant. You see me dozens of times a day.

    I carry a gun.


      Are you also the guy who coaches my girls’ soccer team?

      Hygiene, bro-


    • lowBall

      And I bet you would be quick to stop some asshole on a public rampage if you had the chance. How many of the criminals in the news have concealed carry permits?



    How about some postings on soccer to get us all back to thinking about stocks?

    That’s usually a nice, neutral topic for this time of year.

  31. Belly of the Beast
    Belly of the Beast

    Don’t fear the man who carries a concealed gun.

    Fear the man that is wearing two guns on his hips with seven or eight clips on his belt and an extra large sweatshirt in an attempt to hide these large objects, and carrying a long duffel bag. If he was going to target practice, they would mostly be in luggage.

  32. Belly of the Beast
    Belly of the Beast

    Handguns are typically 4 lbs each loaded. Two on the hip and seven clips at a lb each on the belt ……….. Look for the guy who keeps pulling up his pants in the winter and obvious bulges in the summer.

    Not kidding, gun carriers typically “check” their waistband in the same fashion men “check” that their wallet is still in the pocket.


      Tommy Hilfiger’s new line of concealed carry fashions will be hitting the New York runways next week.

      Goodbye 9 mm semi auto bulges forever!!

  33. noodleboy

    fuck a gun, I got this JAPANESE STEEL


      Exactly. A highland blade and some sheep balls for breakfast you can take over the world.

      Now let’s talk kilts and haggis.

  34. rocketman11

    Argh, you’re pro guns?! really? i don’t believe it. truly I don’t. I held on to the belief that you were of a higher intelligence than that Fly. You’re actually one of those retards that think that the shit that happened in Connecticut could have been avoided if all the kids and the teachers and the janitor were packing heat too just like the NRA says? Seriously, I mean I’ve gone hunting too and enjoyed it but for the greater good you really think it’s worth it? just in case the government fucks you? that’s some some seriously dumbass redneck conspiracy bullshit….I thought you were of a higher intelligence than that southern religious extremist crap.