Many of you obsess over stocks– in never ending quests to get rich or rich-er. No matter how much money you possess, you could always have more–which drives men to do outlandish things. I’ve satisfied myself with having enough, requiring only the smallest of luxuries, delicacies from the east and pomp from the west.
Now to my point. I do not wear shorts, ever; because gentlemen wear pants, high quality, in the most supercilious of ways. Shorts are for children or field workers, who enjoy having their calves exposed to the caprices of vermin. I hope you understand what I am saying to you and take notice, for if you are above the age of 25 and still venture outside with knees exposed; you’re a jackass– underserving of my attention and most certainly my money.
Good night and farewell.
58 Responses to No Shorts Here!
real men wear kilts
I think you’re just insecure about your calves.
This is an important topic and an excellent topic.
Good to know I still have four years on my shorts-in-public pass. I think 25 might actually be pushing it, though.
I stopped at 25.
So when at the beach you wear pants? LOL
I jump into pools with pants too.
More important, what do wear on the Yacht when in the Caribbean?
Voted best calves in high school. It is my duty to bestow these gifts unto the world in all their splendour.
You sound like a small child or a woman.
Not all of us have cankles…
I don’t know what that means.
One day you will become and man and look back at this post as something to behold.
HEY! I get my mothafuckin short on ovah heah!
I believe it’s acceptable to wear shorts in the privacy of own’s own home. I agree that in public, however, gentlemen wear pants, whether it is at work, at the gym or even at the beach.
Pants at the beach; it’s all the rage.
PFFFFFTTT, I guess you both have pale ass chicken legs. My legs don’t even fit in regular pants.
The $B (and Shire Rookness) rings and fades a Trance-Techno track to you Rhino.
With regards to IBC”s parlour (sic) keeper, I speak upon matters proper, exhibiting full decorum…
Santa Barbara represents…
Pants on the ground based on “own’s own home.”
Bring your “A” game here or “one” that has some pants on …
I either wear pants, or the tightest of speedos in public.
Any thoughts on ALJ’s earnings btw? Thought they were generally good, but it’s clearly one of the least liked refineries at this point.
Gurly-man … like your calves!
Probably a good thing you didn’t move to La Jolla.
Obviously the SHORTS tried to keep this message away from the people by taking site down.
However, I won again.
Off with their heads!!!
After a full day of building asset dams in the ebbing flow of others’ wealth, one must take off their top hat and rinse, fully suited, in the shower. During the period of curing, or drying for the obtuse, and reading technical journals written about nuclear thermodynamics, it is customary to retire to one’s bedding in full white and blacks.
The plebeian will often ask, “but whaddya do when u fuckin ball.”
Well, urchin of the wooden courtyard, if one must participate in such acts of pedestrian competition, one would do so in petroleum polished wingtip soles leaving marks on the courtyard to remind the opposition of such great acts of domination bestowed upon such insignificance. I do not participate in the act of balling. The game of Naismith was created for those who needed a basket to fit their balls.
“Retire.” “Quit.” “Thanks, gotta run.”
Get a month-long lease anywhere you’ve thought twice on and let the man-balls nature gifted you hang.
If anyone thinks that’s homo, it goes more to your head space than mine.
Don’t forget your pressed button down dress shirt for all occasions even the beach.
On a visit to the south, I noticed every male of all ages
wearing shorts. I had a feeling something was not right but I couldn’t put my finger on it til now.
Chalk it up to the Waves … Oh, pardon me good sir … I forgot, that’s not your strong “suit.”
I wear shorts alot…but NEVER with Ugggs on.
So you go bare ass when wearing the Uggs huh?
Which raises a question I’ve been meaning to ask for some time regarding your gravatar …. Do you make a habit of going out in public with one breast fully exposed often?
Tea…That is a White Swan, and it is Singer Bjork. When I first stumbled onto this site, I made the mistake of posting my real pic. Jake said I looked like Bjork who he is big fan of . I am waiting for my Black Swan to pop this commodity bubble, so I figured the advatar was perfect. I think I am better looking, but Jake really loves Bjork so it is for him…
Knee length plaid shorts with a wide white belt, black calf length socks, pointy toed street shoes, and a fanny pack is the required uniform at Disney World.
I will ride my bike past Dwight Howard’s house tomorrow (he lives 3 minutes away) and see if his house is for sale now- gonna be a Laker.
I guess I will put on my bike shorts and check it out now so if Fly wants a winter home he can grab it. I will be back.
Curiosity wants to know if there’s been a Gasol sighting in the area?
Just got back. The moving van is already there.
The mob with pitchforks was gathering when the cops showed and chased me away.
I didn’t see Gasol but did see Shaq.
He was wearing a police uniform and chase me down on his Trek police bike when I lost him to a possible bear in the woods.
Shaq on duty or just handing out warnings to Superman and the plebes ….
That reminds me … I must check the attic in the garage to see if my son took the Trek with him to TN. They take everything when they move out. Even my tools for Christ’s sake!
Pants at the beach is the definition of retarded
This so true
my calves only see sun when I’m naked
Many children are growing up without men in their home.
Like a duckling they look for a strong parental figure to believe in; They see men with pants around their hips.
They see an older brother with baggy shorts to the calf, pockets full of drugs, dirty cash, and iPhones loaded with profane music.
Until children are raised by men wearing slacks, with pockets of ambition, the fruits of honest labor, and minds that can educate by word, not headphones;
Then we can begin our journey to be the America we envision, that shining city upon a hill.
my compliments, top shelf comment !
Personally, I don’t believe in sleeves, only sleeveless for me. Gotta let the big dogs breathe.
wearing shorts is too gay
Sorry but I must disagree. After having retired 10 year ago from a somewhat cold climb, my first long pant episode took place last week when I vacationed in Alaska. After wearing shorts for many years, wearing long pants seemed absurd and cumbersome. I do miss my leather jacket, but wearing it in Hawaii would be rather absurd and uncomfortable.
That would be nice if you were allowed to disagree here.
This is a topic that is always on my mind during the summer because people in my OFFICE wear shorts as soon as the temps hit 60. It is unsightly and frankly distracts me from my tasks.
Don’t even get me started on men who wear sandals!
Only old men wear pants in the summer heat.
If you wear leather sandals, you deserve to be shot.
Fashionista statements like “pants only; no shorts” are for wannabes and politicians.
It is surprising The Fly, of his gentlemanly stature would even say shit like this unless of course he is drunk out his mind or implying something else, a secret code of some sort, touting his bullishness to gay Costanza markets.
Real gentleman of top hat and wealth don’t give a fuck what they are wearing; personal comfort is of utmost importance to them, not image. ie. Hef walks around in a smoking jacket; Steve Jobs in black turtleneck and jeans. Fuck suits; they’re for suckers. Leave the wearing of pantsuits all the time for 2-bit huckster Real Estate guys and politicos and 20-something wannabe Wall Street cold callers.
CPST misses again…so now what??
Dumping it today.
This stock is garbage.
KMI …Strong BUY
“NJ TOWN CONSIDERS BRINGING GOATS FROM MD TO EAT POISON IVY… ”
Fly’s new hometown, no doubt?
Going commando… wearing the finest gaberdine slacks. The ladies like the protruding bulges.
Are red leotards OK?
That’s funny… I think men that wear pants when the circumstances call for shorts are jackassses.