iBankCoin

I WILL FUCKING ‘BREITBART’ YOU

Fun times at Fly High are over. I will no longer grant safe quarter to those of you who vex or annoy me, not even in the slightest form or fashion.

Effective immediately, I intend to kill a great many of you, through unorthodox means. I’ve sent out my assassins to every corner of the world, waiting for my command to commence “operation poisonous heart attack dart.” It’s a very simple strategy that will enable me to get rid of irritants, whilst making the ‘tragedy’ look entirely ‘natural’.

Medical genius!

Also, we’ve gone through great lengths to create profiles for many of you, pointing to a troubled history of heart failure, so don’t try to investigate your deaths after the fact. Rather, tell your families to fuck off now, in advance of your demise, on our behest.

This should all go along, swimmingly, without delay.

So you know, we’ve lost a great commenter and short seller extraordinaire today, who went by the name of Alf. Apparently Alf had a long, tedious, history of terminal heart disease. Upon walking home from his Saturday afternoon ballet rehearsals, poor Alf dropped dead of an apparent “heart attack”, whilst gobbling down an extra yummy buttercream cupcake.

He will be missed.

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44 comments

  1. TMoe

    RIP Alf

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  2. Flyaway18

    What was so great about Alf’s comments? The whole rally he was short the 3X long QQQ ETF and getting home hammered.

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  3. Flyaway18

    Just as an aside, this was reported by Wall Street Journal radio show this weekend, guys over 6-feet tall are at less risk of heart attack compared to their shorter male counterparts. Something to do with the force of gravity affecting shorter guys’ hearts more than taller guys. How tall are you, Fly?

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  4. Woodshedder

    My friend, you are genius. Much admiration. No homo.

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  5. Mad_Scientist

    I come to ibankcoin to learn, and in alf’s passing I will say in tribute to him that from Alf I learned exactly how NOT to invest. How TO invest is a little more complicated and I am still learning, but for sure he has shown me the way to lose my money in the most explosive, egregious, stubborn way possible. And for that I thank him.

    TYP to zero.

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  6. jg

    lady g tombstone = classic

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  7. fake amish

    may alf rest in peace. no point in desecrating the dead.

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  8. JTU

    Is Alf really gone or are you just fucking with us?

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  9. Whaler31

    That does sound like a conspiracy theory!

    This is NOT a conspiracy theory, just found video of controlled demo in building #7,shot from the backside, with audio of Larry Silverstein saying “we told them to pull it”

    Be prepared to be sickened and sad:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SRrk2DXNTg&feature=results_main&playnext=1&list=PL7A25E1DC235C5803

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  10. Testicules

    You guys are starting to freak me….a buddy of mine just had a massive and dropped in his tracks (no not ALF)…I pick up his dog in the morning (3yr old Sheperd)….must be something in the food supply…chem trail residual …low frequency radio waves…..sheee-it

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  11. Grantisplantis

    Ah, My name is on a grave on the top header/banner. freaky

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  12. jimmy_two_times
    jimmy_two_times

    I havennt seen ALFs comments for a while.

    Pray tell, what precipitated the erectio of the tombstone?

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  13. The Zombie

    Now, do all you doubters get it? This is fucking hilarious and pure genius (Zombie evil laugh).

    The Fly is God!!!!!

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  14. What happened to the age limit
    What happened to the age limit

    Hi Fly,

    Now that Alf has passed away. It is a good time to enforce the age limit policy. Like, wtf, Alf was how old?

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  15. Cascadian

    AIG
    Alf is (with) God.
    Does he still have to cover his shorts?
    Dude has a tombstone up there, that’s an immortal honor. One can only aspire to die with such glory.

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  16. noodleboy

    He’s not gone. Alf has gone illuminati all up in here, leaving clues to his whereabouts nestled deep within in the woodwork.

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  17. theedge111

    Don’t like this post…

    #1 If ALF did die this is disrespectful.

    #2 If he is alive he deserves better and it’s a classless move to post drivel.

    Shame on you Fly…You’re better than this.

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    • Mad_Scientist

      Alf was banned.

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    • Subcomandante ChinchillLLLA!!!
      Subcomandante ChinchillLLLA!!!

      theedge111: But what about my literary licensual immunity!?!

      Murtaugh: It’s revoked.

      theedge111 falls dead, killed by his own inability to appreciate irony, sarcasm and the banning of gay libertarians.

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    • The Fly

      Fuck you theedge.

      Alf died and there is nothing you or your stupid friends can do about it.

      Now get over it or get out.

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  18. wilms

    Who is Grant, and why does he deserve a tombstone amongst those infamous names?

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    • The Fly

      The one known as GRANT shall never be talked about on these hallowed grounds. Anyone who dares to do so should eat healthy and do lots of cardio.

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  19. Frog

    RIP, Alf. I had mixed feelings about him. I’ll miss some of his funny comments and some interesting ones, but will be glad not to deal with his irritating aspects any more. I certainly agree that he was not giving anyone any lessons on how to trade successfully.

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  20. the man

    traders fading in the dust
    Alf’s demise a certain must
    while comments here do denigrate
    and not with Fly ingratiate
    the Master sits and subtly jeers
    as your losses draw your tears

    ALF: RIP

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  21. razorsedge

    alf seemed to know something some here dont get or will ever get. its not the treasure but the journey that counts. if all u think about is the treasure you.ll miss everything. life will end with no meaning for you. you will of passed up the best part of life.

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  22. hillary climtoon
    hillary climtoon

    don’t think it’s quite cricket to make light of breitbarts passing.

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