18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,326 Blog Posts


I had reduced my losses midday to just 83bps and then I felt emboldened to LEAN into what looked like a nice tape. As soon as I leveraged up 155% of assets, this happened.

Straight the fuck down — no stops. I got melted the fuck down in my LABU position and ended up closing it out for a cool and collected $16k loss. To close it all out, I leveraged up to get myself into a NET SHORT position because — WHY THE FUCK NOT?

And then markets gapped up to end the session — nailing me to a cross -2.62%.

The subsequent result of this drubbing is widespread bullying and acrimony inside Stocklabs. I have now been reduced to a man to toss over-ripened tomatoes at — spit at casually as you’re walking down the street eating and iced cream cone.

In my head, I intend to murder all of these people and I’ll probably go home tonight and sharpen my blades while talking to myself. I will think of different scenarios where I end up victorious and literally MANIFEST it to happen in real life.

This happens to be, as a matter of fact, the secret to my “success.” I just think about what I want to happen and really focus on it and then it happens. These aren’t idle curiosities — but obsessions.

I had taken for granted my comfortable standing and returns and didn’t train for the boxing match — and then got knocked the fuck out by Clubber Lang. This will not happen again and as I sharpen my blades you should all fear my wrath.

I felt better writing all of that down — gave me an outlet to release some of my delusions and anger.

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Pollen Levels are Very High Today

Would you look at that — it appears I’ve sneezed my way back into an official trading slump.

My LABU position has gone straight to hell, taking my PNL with it. It was down a little bit at the open and then I felt emboldened by the small uptick around 10:15am — so much so I even bought a tremendous SOXL position just for good measure. I really wanted to make sure that I’d enjoy the rally to come and that I make the maximum amount of money humanly possible.

Instead of that happening, as it would, the exact opposite occurred. The semis topped and my LABU position first languished and then COLLAPSED, leaving a trail of blood and tears in its quake. I am now saddled with the unsavory position of having GRANDIOSE intra-day losses and my lands salted by the ineptitude of our science community.

If I close out these positions, I simply resign my post as trader for the session and start anew tomorrow. It would not be the first time I made a mockery of myself. But part of me wants to keep going — which is the part that I know is dangerous and also stupid. The fact of the matter is, science is dead and no one really cares about doctors, let alone people in a lab coat. We all have more use for barbers in a lab coat than some guy concocting the great next vaccine that kills people, wantonly, when they least expect it. These people have proven, through their actions, to be inept, sort of like me right now trying to trade.

Even though the semis are nearly PINNED TO SESSION HIGHS, I have still managed to box myself into a corner on that position too, now down 1%+ from my basis.

Look, I had a good run — but now it’s apparently over — just like Pax Americana. It was nice while it lasted — but all good things end and in replace of it is evil.

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Ever since the COVID pandemic flopped the fuck out with government mandated poisonous vaccines that instead of helping people — killed them — the biotech sector has been iced cold. I think the premise of the bearishness lies with the fact that science has been raped by political monsters who know very little about the subject, other than to wear a mask whilst entering an eatery and then removing it once seated.

The word “science” has been reduced to something to laugh at — crack jokes.


The fact is and still remains, civilization is improving in spite of the dysgenic folks ruling over us for the past 100 years, and only recently have we’ve seen the far left pervert everything that was once sacred, including common sense. The field of science, when led by real scientists with good intentions can lead to wonderful advances.

HOWEVER, I don’t give a shit about any of that and if you’re a doctor reading this — you can fuck right the hell off the blog and back into your tray of needles.

What I am interested in is extracting money from the pockets of those shorting science. I am certain the same people betting against science are also gas stove clingers. They likely store all of their fucking guns inside those ticking time bombs too!

I keep getting distracted.

I’ll just post my idea.

That’s the algorithmic score for the biotech index XBI. You can see the score is upticking and perhaps on the cusp of a legitimate breakout. We all know the hottest shit you can buy when times are good is biotech and tech. Well, biotech is lagging like a motherfucker — down 12% over the past 3 months in spite of a decent tape.

Into the close I positioned into a 20% of assets position in LABU — which is already 3x biotechs. The idea is simple: I am a man of science trying to take money away from gas stovers who store their guns in their ovens and are also shorting biotechs. The algo score is moving up and we are in a bull run. It’s only a matter of time before this shit busts loose to the upside — taking me and my fucking internet friends with it.

NOTE: Should this trade flop the fuck out, I will be severely afflicted with seasonal allergies.

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At Risk Banks Surge

What news do you speak of good Sir? The banks are surging a fortnight after they were all barreling down to their end. It seems there might be news. Then again, what does it matter? You knew the banks would get their way, one way or another.

Do not make me go fish out news for WAL or FRC. I’ll do it.

Markets are ripping upwards after a morning collapse. This is what you should expect to see for the balance of your lives. Frightful scares followed by more of nothing — and then SURGE!

If you’d just invest money in a smart manner and quit being so emotional — you might be able to become an illustrious trader — like yours truly. Look at me — styling with a month to date loss pinned at 1.65%. I have bodybuilders with mullets in my trading room up 11% for April and he’s paying me!

I should not be concerned, however. It should be mentioned here that my allergies have abated and my sleeping schedule is normalizing to the point I feel like an adult.

I am pressed lower at 1.38% for the session, with an intent to perhaps, if I may, get it all back.

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Buy the Morning Dip or FULL COLLAPSE Underway?

I’m a little crushed this morning in spite of a 10% TZA position. See, I’ve been BOIL’d alive in natural gas, amongst others. I’m quite heavily long oils and they’re trading poorly in this down tape. Normally, if I’m down a bunch in leveraged non core positions I’ll sell them. But with BOIL I made an exception and added to it. I added to it, not out of stubbornness or an irrational desire to see EUROPE FREEZE this coming winter, but because I genuinely believe natural gas is cheap in the low 2s.

After all, I have nothing against Europeans. I’m sure they’re assholes just like here in America, only with accents.

Bears might be tempted to lean heavily here and peer into the pot below. BE CAREFUL! If you tip too heavily you might fall right into the boiling grease. Buying morning dips is an American pastime, just like looting Walmarts to the last pencil or milking scorpions for the expensive liquids. This is standard stuff.

I’m down 1.7%, very displeased and quite chagrined.

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I got busy late afternoon doing a paper for ANTIFA FLY. Normally I do not enable him — but the subject was Ukraine so I figured it might be fun. I lost 32bps for the session, now essentially flat for April. My returns are on par with the NASDAQ — which is down 0.6% for April.

Whilst this may dismay some of you, it’s on par with a bullish trend of consolidating big gains and preparing for another leg higher.

I had gains for the session — but lost them during a temporary craze of attempting to buy UVIX. That product, along with all of the VIX, is dead.

At any rate, I am feeling quite good today and my mood is ebullient. I might go drink a bottle of red while the sun is still out — or perhaps venture off to the gym.

I am not concerned about making money, since it’s only a matter of time before the stars align with me once again — elevating me to even higher highs.

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Volatility has Collapsed

You hate to see it — but the Fed did it again. They took a burgeoning banking crisis and cobbled together their purses and made it go away. There’s an entire generation of spoiled brats on Wall Street who know nothing but bailouts. Back in my day, companies collapsed and their share prices went directly to zero and their bond holders got zero too — because fuck off.

But today, we are all entitled. The preferred shareholders are treated like senior lenders and the bond holders are Gods. The equity comes and goes depending on the severity of the connections between upper management and America’s ruling class. Meanwhile at the fiefdom, 5 year olds are preparing for cut off their dicks and grow mammaries because they have a right to be heard.

It’s all very perverse and in a just world the 30yr mortgage rate would be 900%.

Stocks are boring me today and the volatility has collapsed once again — fueling the expectations amongst the permanent bull class of investor that another leg up looms.

MEANWHILE at House Fly I am dealing with a dead brand new Crape Myrtle in my yard — which must remain there for at least a month because the landscaper is busy. I’ve also been informed by the HOA that I need to remove my fucking yard lights off one of their fences. Let’s see if they can make me do it.

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Be Wary of Your Shorting Expeditions

The Dow is up, NASDAQ higher — but the big story is the move in cryptos. It seems we are busting loose to the upside on BTC-ETH and the miners are going with it. The prevailing trend has been to buy the mornings, no matter the occasion. Yesterday SCHW tanked at the open and then ripped higher all day long on earnings and news that they lost $300b in deposits.

My point is, we are in a bull run. I am reticent to say bull market — due to the implications that might have on my psyche. But we are certainly bullish now — are we not?

I had some quick trades early on — all successful. Now I have a very small hedge with LABD — but nothing too major. I am not in the mood to short too much — but will do so only against a fully long book in order to freeze my gains.

Presently, I am +42bps and scouring the market for the next move up or down.

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Summer is fast upon you and the seasonal bull run is likely to commence, much to the chagrin of all of the right wing lunatics hoping for Biden’s downfall.

We had another pleasant day on Wall Street and I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you how comfortable and relaxed I am in this environ. I feel as if nothing could go wrong and that the government and the Fed have all but squashed the imminent crisis we were afflicted with several weeks ago.

As you can see, my gains are both robust and genteel.

DO NOT PANIC and avoid being fooled: that is my best advice for you youngsters just now getting into the grande world of investing. Should you chance upon an opportunity, you should take it!

I’m now off to shopping for another lamp, as Mrs. Fly deemed it necessary to place another one on her buffet table.


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You don’t need to be bullish to take their money. I am the most bearish person in the world. I wake up in cold sweats even thinking about the market going up and Pax Americana continuing its path of maximum societal destruction. In a perfect case scenario, for me, the whole kit and caboodle comes crashing down in clownish manner — as the new TRANS FOMC head panics and jumps out of an active helicopter right into the fucking blades. That would, in a perfect world, conclude Pax Americana — from George Washington to Trans Washington.

I am +70bps and started late, as I am still afflicted by the seasonal allergy scourge. I feel like it’s passing, so hopefully very soon I can return to full vigor.

For those still on the fence about what to do. I will tell you exactly what you need to do. Get 100% long a diverse portfolio of well established names and trade around it. My advantage is having Stocklabs make the static picks for me and then I simply sashay to and fro all day in search of short term treasure. The bottom line is: we are in a bull run. Do not be fooled and try not to have your pedestrian feelings get in the way of you stowing away money.

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