18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,599 Blog Posts


At around 3:15pm I saw myself sliding back into olde habits, taking stops on longs and bulking up on $TZA and $LABD. At one point, after had declared to be a tranny-bull, I was 28% short. I quickly disposed of those rascals for profit and bulked the fuck up on America — because we’ve got enemies to kill and/or maim and I am here to profit from it.

This might sound profoundly distasteful to many of you, some random guy on the internet declaring profiteering off war, a wanton disregard for life and peace. That’s right — who can fucking stop me?

Look at me sideways and I’ll have my friends at NATO shove an ATACMs right into your fucking driveway.

Life as an imperialist American is better than ever. We’ve got the poors on the ropes, knifing each other into faces — at the same time grabbing European clay for both sport and profit — without spending any American lives. Think about the grandness of it. Please do not get mad at me for being honest. Many of my compatriots feign concern and hide their motives. I am just here to collect money, toss it away and never look at it again. Knowing the money is there is a great comfort to me and whenever I am given the chance to extract more — I do so.

I closed 104% leveraged long in a pastiche of quality stocks. I am a reformed bull, whose allegiance to peace and justice has since been incinerated before my new pagan idols in exchange for whatever I am now — which varies on a day by day basis.

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve been dreaming about the market’s collapse. I’d think about it all the time and get excited whenever it went down for a few days. But those days are now over and I’ve decided to become a Democrat Ukraine supporter, advocate for TRANS RIGHTS, and be a generally highly vaccinated/ highly compliant $NYT reading person.

My favorite shows are on MSNBC and since I’ve taken on this new life — I’ve already been invited to three charitable cocked tailed parties — two at a museum and one inside of a library where we will discuss BANNED LGBTQ books. Dinner is $1500 a plate and the causes range from white supremacy to LGBTQ rights to climate emergencies racking the planet with sweltering heat.

After all, I was never going to beat them with my snarky tweets and hateful blog posts. This way, I’ll fit right in and perhaps earn some positive accolades for all of my good will and gestures.

Markets are calm now, just like my white suburb, -19bps.

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Giving Up on Doom

I hate to quit on your mid-stroke (pause) — but no matter what happens this market doesn’t seem to want lower. We had HOT inflation data and saw a nice and beautiful morning collapse — but zero follow through and now we are barreling up like fat trannies rolling into the wrong bathrooms.

Luckily for me, I am very smart. I got the hell out from my shorts and longs and called it even down 5bps. I now have resorted to minor acts of depravity, long $TSLL and $ADBE. I am also TRAPPED in $ALNY, which is HALTED FOR TRADING pending an FDA review. I am almost certain I am doomed there.

Name a more meaningless organization than the paper shovelers at the FDA.

My recent avocations include reading another Tolstoy book, The Cossacks. All proper tools of Putin need to read Tolstoy at all times. I’ve also found both sadness and merriment in all of the recent migrant crossings. I just spotted one in an island off the coast of Italy where almost 10,000 Africans escaped their hell holes in an effort to live with the whites they hate most. After the whites move away, they will follow them wherever they might go, in order to receive scornful racism and resentment largess.

I have a traveling rule that I stick to. If your civilization hasn’t figured out clean drinking water, I have negative interest in seeing your ruins. If you have clean drinking water, I’d like to see your ruins.

Anyway, markets look constructive, dare I say. Back to work.

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I was doing so well up until Tim Apple talked down the market with his unimpressive phone, which is HIGHLY RADIOACTIVE according to French officials. They have halted sale of the phone — likely because it gives you cancer.

Moving on, I ended up losing 1.15% like a loser. BUT, to make amends, I really got short towards the end of the session, hedged only by some oils. I like the idea, if you would indulge me, of out of control crude prices and a zero bid Nasdaq. That would really teach those bastards a lesson, perhaps two.

Being perfectly honest with my strongly biased opinions here, I really do believe markets are on the verge of FESTOONING the fuck lower. By Hallow’s Eve, you’ll all be adorned with serial killer masks and beating one another for toilet paper rolls — as the Biden Administration locks the fuck down due to a climate emergency of the first order. See, it’s getting hot outside and those fucking iced caps are gonna melt — turning flyover country into coastal properties.

Keep an eye on the US 10yr and WTI. Those two are connected and the more pressure applied to the bond markets the greater the likelihood we might get RENEWED INFLATION and subsequent collapse of the entire financial system.

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You should know I’ve traded well today after a brief collapse of my PNL. I am now just down 50bps, after being harangued to the tune of 1.5%. Part of my #success was to believe in the wanton incompetence of my government, depleting its strategic oil reserves to teach Putin a lesson. Meanwhile, oil is barreling henceforth towards $100 and the very cold winter chills awaits the dastardly bastards in the west.

The Biden bastards were supposed to fill up the SPR months and months ago — but balked at the prices of $70. They much prefer to contemplate buying here at $100. You have to understand something — these are not maniacal evil geniuses in control of everything, stemming from the weather to the way everyone prefers to be gay now. These are creatures, subhumans proles, who are neurotic and paranoid and weak. They use the laws and the special police to uphold their power, deploying MUHHHH constitution and democracy and liberty to ply those policemen, alongside lucrative pensions, to serve them.

Meanwhile, we can all see very plainly they’ve taken a great thing and ruined it — cast aside freedom for tyranny and use war to maintain their feeble grip on power.

America began the millennia in firm control of all parts of the world. That influence is waning rapidly, perhaps at the greatest speed since the collapse of the Mongol Empire. None of this is reflected in share prices, since profits are bountiful and the global markets are firm. But there are cracks and fissures in the bedrock and it won’t take much to collapse this piece of shit into dust — starting with rapidly pacing UPWARDS WTI/Brent prices.


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Markets Are McFooling Early On

I was walking down a dark alleyway by myself after the close yesterday and got my jaw punched loose by the Ghost of Larry Ellison. I had an $ORCL position heading into today — but I do not anymore. Small Caps are surprisingly strong, led by all various types of degenerate stocks. Ergo, I swapped out my $TZA hedge for a smaller $SQQQ.

What I did next I am partially ashamed of: I purchased a handful of longs to bulk up my net bullish position. I realize the market is down and oil is sharply higher — but I just wanted to profit real fast and quick before the eventually collapse. I swear, this is my final series of long trades ever.

I had losses of 1%, reduced down to 70bps, but now stand at -90bps. It seems my foray into the long side was a bit presumptuous for the time being. In classic Pax Americana fashion, it seems I want to have my cake and also eat it too.

On a side note, I was talking with my wife last night about taking tests as a boy fearful of whether of not I was equipped with a #2 pencil. You have to understand the context: my grandfather practically raised me and was born in 1914, was something of an artist, and had endless pencils from who the fuck knows when: the 1920s? I’d go in there armed with #3, #6 or some unmarked pencil thinking my exam was going to come out corrupted because it wasn’t the requisite #2. This was very traumatic for me, heading into pitched battle with #3 odd shaped pencils in tow, racked with uncertainty.

As I discuss fucking pencils, my entire portfolio just Titanic’d itself, now down 1.05%.

Off to triage.

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9/11 Faux Patriotism is Over; Markets Resume Collapse Tomorrow

The $IWM was +0.21% today and the bulls were out and about popping champagne corks into each other’s faces. Meanwhile, little did they know they’re were being had, tricked, and fooled. Tomorrow, the market shall begin an immediate descent lower — without provocation or rationale. It will just drop like a fucking lead balloon and sink lower and lower. The bulls will attempt to salvage their accounts and even average down — but by then the die would have been cast and their losses a foregone conclusion.

Gentlemen —

September is upon you and rates and oil are very high. You should be concerned, afraid even, as Pax Americana attempts to claw its way out from a shallow grave it dug for itself — weighed down by trannies and the mentally insane.

This is hell and to be long hell is in fact blasphemous. All true men of honor want this to burn — with the heat and intensity of 1 million Hiroshimas. Everything shall fall and all will be subsumed by the coming fires.

I closed +57bps — because I am a professional. Look who’s streaking to the fucking upside again.

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My Suspicions Proved True: Markets Bust Loose to Upside

I knew something was afoot. Look here Jack, all we’ve got here is our military technology and stock market. I’m not mad at the market — but instead hate to see it rise and used as an affirmation of their progress. I wish I could separate one from the other and I suppose a rising market benefits all, including a curmudgeon like me. NEVERTHELESS, I root for its demise — but play the side I am supposed to play to further my fortunes.

I am +51bps in a very long book, 103% exposure and about 11% in $TZA for a very small hedge. In order to get net short in a book with a beta over 1, I’d need about 30% $TZA. I am willing to do that and I see yields are up. However, let’s not be fucking stupid and acknowledge today is 9/11 and people are prone to patriotic fervor on tragic days still fresh in our memories, so perhaps it might be best to WITHHOLD shorts till the close or tomorrow.

Plus anyway, I did warn you about the oversold nature of stocks and the mean reversion algos of Stocklabs did give you 3 days to prepare.

The NASDAQ is steaming higher by 150, spearheaded by an unreal move in $TSLA thanks to some supercomputer mumbo jumbo.

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Twenty Two Years Since It All Started

For years I haven’t discussed the 9/11 attacks on my blog. I was in front of the towers in a bus en route to midtown when the first plane hit. At that time, I was the most patriotic American alive, on board and gung ho about my government exacting revenge. The whole country was united, until the democrats opposed the wars to come and then the hatred of one another began.

Looking back on that era now, the Dems were right and George Bush and Cheney was as bad as they said they were. I didn’t believe it then — because how dare you! We had Muslims in our midst, attempting to build a mosque near the rubble of the towers and my tv and movie theatres told me that bomb towing terrorists hid inside mosques en route to blowing themselves up inside random subway stations.

No group of people were more persecuted at that time than Muslim Americans and it was 100% the government policy to make Americans feel this way. I was a young man in my 20s, sharp but also an idiot — unable to see the forest through the trees. I think I see it now, but unlike then, I’m mature enough to understand I may never see them exactly perfect and not to assume anything with conviction unless through experience.

Through my experience from then till now I’ve seen my government complete a pattern wholly intent on perpetuating more wars that do not serve our national interests. I’ve seen them destroy people who opposed this narrative and demonize nations who do not bend to their caprices.

In recent years I’ve seen them do incredibly divisive things and convert the crony but benign capitalistic society I grew up in to a tyrannical spiteful autocracy, converting the once peacenik Democratic Party into statist war mongers and the war hungry republicans into peaceniks.

There is a chasm very wide between what the people of America want and what the government is doing for and to them. I have no idea what follows next — but it seems to be spiraling down the path of peak individualism and turmoil against our institutions who’ve demonstrated bad faith against the people they govern.

I used to get angry on 9/11 Anniversaries because the government used this day as cover to fake patriotism and use it to rally people for their interests. Many innocent people died 22 years ago in a series of events that appear ridiculous with the benefit of some wisdom and research. They lied about how the buildings fell and the Pentagon, that much is clear. They seem to lie about every damned thing they talk about and the saddest part about the whole thing is no one is out there trying to speak for the people anymore, which is why so many gravitate towards Trump — because fuck you.

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With markets on the retreat, now is a good time to make a list of stocks on “the cheap” — because when markets eventually rebound the stocks down the most will recover the greatest.

Tera cap dealz (1MO RETURNS)

$TSM -7%, $JPM -8%, $ASML -10%, $BAC -11%, $TMO -6%, $AMD -6.3%, $NKE -11.5%, $DIS -6%, $UPS -11.5%, $UNP -8%, $BA -11%, $RY -8.5%, $QCOM -11%, $DE -7%, $SBUX -6%, $LMT -6%, $MDLZ -6%, $C -11.5%

Other shit, stocks over $5 (1mo returns)

$HE -66%, $AGTI -52%, $CUTR -46%, $MGNI -46%, $EBIX -44%, $CPSI -44%, $BIG -42%, $UPST -41%, $SSP -40%, $OSTK -36%, $PTON -35%, $MAXN -36%, $ENTA -35%, $LZ -35%, $COHR -34%, $JWN -33%, $RIOT -32%, $NIO -32%, $SYM -32%, $SKLZ -31%, $FL -30%, $WOLF -30%, $CHPT -29%, $CHWY -28%

If you’re stuck in a portfolio of shit stocks like the one’s above — you were both tricked and fooled. Just because stocks are down doesn’t mean they’re about to come back. It’s important for you fucking retards to remember that ALL MARKET crashes occur at technical weak points, not heights.

Let’s examine $GE prior to some of the worst market crashes of all time.







Be on guard for all eventualities.

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