Thou Shall Not Short

Giving into God’s will, I allocated some capital today, buying U.S. Global Investors, Inc. [[GROW]] , [[MWW]] and a little Bio-Rad Laboratories, Inc. [[BIO]] for the $100 rollski. I tried to time the top, by way of being a coward with a 60% cash position. However, that didn’t work. So, instead of doing that, I have decided to grab a long sword and charge the fields of Sterling, with my fellow compatriots, in order defeat the English and sack York. Seriously, this market is on demon drugs, chockablock of liquidity and 100% joy.

Listen you, I’ll be cursing in no time (10,500) at all, which will coincide, to the exact second, with the disappearance of words like “chockablock” or “darn” from my daily diatribes against people that are stupid. Poof, just like that, you’re a f****** C********* again.

At any rate, despite putting some coin back into the market, I really hope and pray for a pullback. On any dip, for the love of God, I will buy stocks.

Bottom line: Once again, Einstein, we are in a LONG ONLY market. Failure to adhere to these laws will result in the onset of a manic-depressive personality disorder, accompanied by very harsh bankruptcy proceedings—in addition to a divorce.

Be well

I bought 22,000 U.S. Global Investors, Inc. [[GROW]] , north of $13.55 And, I bought 5,000 [[MWW]] , north of $14.90.

UPDATE: I bought 2,000 Bio-Rad Laboratories, Inc. [[BIO]] , north of $99.50 for $100 roll

NOTE: Here is some background info on GROW.

(Chinese Professor crying (like a woman) over U.S. Dollar carry-trade)

China is complaining about the U.S. dollar carry trade.

It’s sort of ironic that the King of all currency manipulators is bemoaning our rightful place in the world as leader of the carry trade, master and commander of all things fiat.

Many of you worry about the carry trade, when, in fact, you should be embracing it, as if it was a winning lottery ticket— because it is!!!  The dollar can weaken to Bernanke’s delight, providing the good folks from Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. [[WMT]] keep the pantries of the proletariat stacked  with cheap goods. After all, we have our trading partners by the short hairs. All they need to do is shut up, manufacture “stuff” and finance our debt—indeud! Due to artificially low rates, coupled with an exceedingly weak currency, money shifters are borrowing dollars, in order to buy “things” (stocks, junk bonds, art, collectibles) and “stuff” (oil, wheat, sugar, corn, copper, gold) with it. Unlike the infamous “yen carry trade,” the dollar is supremely liquid and makes for a better weapon to combat any suggestion or hint of deflation. We are spend thrifts and we will not have it any other way.

Providing the dollar does not rally, commodity and equity markets will enjoy the splendor of speculative capital in search of a new home. As we all know by now, leaving it in cash is simply the wrong thing to do. If this relationship continues and the Fed is successful at keeping the game going, domestic and foreign real estate markets will be flooded with capital, causing rapid price appreciation, a boom of sorts—effectively bailing out underwater mortgage players and CDO lovers.

Now if things go awry and the dollar carry trade is unwound, well then, we’re just screwed. However, until that happens, let’s party like it’s 1927 or 2006, shall we? Pop champagne bottles and start eating colossal servings of carpaccio (trust me, you’ll like it). Let us remember, if the Fed didn’t inflate like a mother-you-know-what, by now, we’d be killing each other in streets for small overcooked pieces of bison meat.

Enjoy it while you can. God willing, by the time it unwinds, I will be residing in my permanent resting place: inside an egregious pineapple coffin.

I have no interest in chasing this rally, aside form my Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] purchase. So you understand where I am coming from, Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] is the Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] of coffee.

All in all, it was a great week for the bulls—and at the same time—a horrific one for the bears dressed in potato sack-like burlap bags.

Into the bell, I was rich. After the bell, I am still rich.

Any questions?

Top picks: Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] , W.W. Grainger, Inc. [[GWW]] and [[ENTR]]

NOTE: Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] posts earnings next week, Tuesday. God speed.

NOTE II: For you Hugh Hendry lovers, ZH has his latest market letter to his partners.

I initiated a position in Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] , buying 5,000 under $68.40.

Disclaimer: If you buy GMCR because of this post, someone will accidentally, spill a hot pot of coffee on your face. And, you may lose money.

We made changes to The PPT algorithms yesterday, which pushed the Overall hybrid score down to 2.24. And yet here we are, one day later, up 100 points. Hence the term applies: “The PPT” wins all the time, even when it’s not supposed to.

“The Fly” has been out all day, discussing the important matters of opera vs gangster rap and the effects they have on the “working class.” However, fast forward 1 hour from that, here I am talking to you, “the working class.” How ironic, no?

I am missing out on this rally, due to my “Simple Jack” 60% cash position. But do not fear for me, since I have the patience of an elephant. To be clear, it’s not like I am not making money today, with 40% of my capital long. However, I am making money “lite,” in a rather cowardly manner, which is something that I am not proud of. I am shamed.

The bears are a stupid class of people. All they do is philosophize over the economy and how the world will look like in 25 years, when America is under military command by greedy prison factory inventors from China. I spit on them, from 15 yards away.

With my money, I will buy something.

Stay tuned.

A leg down that is. I am not talking about an ordinary leg, of course. I mean gay opera dramatic crescendo type of finale, taking the air from your lungs and the teeth from your mouth.

Nah, just kidding.

But for real, if you don’t have at least 20% cash on the sidelines, you’re gonna be shining my shoes. I will Fedex them to you for proper servicing.

I have no stock recommendations for you tonight, mainly due to the fact that I am driving around in my space ship. You know, like a kid, I am going for a joyride, with every intention of throwing tomatoes at the pedestrians down below. In other news, I know someone who fell victim to a cow biting him in the face. How about that?

At any rate, don’t let cows bite you in the face and do not let this market sack you of your coin. Quit doing that, you fragile ham and eggers. Also, you should be pressing your rights with the upper class of your local social scene, by way of obnoxious looks and murderous glances, whenever someone says “hello” or “do you have the time?” You are far too important to partake in “small talk.” Save that sort of jargon for the birds and the southern tea party losers.

America is great, because we can do all sorts of egregious stuff.

Off to see about a large mug of Earl Grey tea.

Buy in the 2.20’s and sell above 3.00. The PPT wins again.

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.

Happy b-day iBC! Now go away.

Seeing that The PPT was right again and we are declining, I sold out of the balance of my Jarden Corporation [[JAH]] position and a few other loose ends, mainly for peace of mind. Frankly, holding midget positions is not my style. If I am going to lose, I might as well lose in size, like my Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] endeavor.

I have one final post for the day pending, then I am off for a ride in my 1980’s style limousine to throw blockbuster firecrackers at the pikers, down on Wall St.

As you can see, my timing to step aside is impeccable. However, I can’t take full credit for such market mastery. You see, I am assisted by the best analytic engine known to mankind, better known as The PPT. Many of you are too stupid to understand the intricacies or find the sub par newsletters of James Cramer or The Motley Fool to be a better alternative. However, as you unwind over a nice mug of steamed garbage, Le Fly is eating grapes and guzzling down champagne, as if it was Poland Spring water.

Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] posted good numbers and guided up. As a result, the shareholders are “enjoying” a nuclear winter today, down 10%. This is exactly what I was looking for, in order to initiate a position. Additionally, with 3Com Corporation [[COMS]] being bought out, people think Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] is no longer on the block. WRONG. Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] is a good buy down here.

What else do I like? Let see….

I like POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] under $110, [[CBD]] under $62, Mechel OAO (ADR) [[MTL]] in the low $19’s and U.S. Global Investors, Inc. [[GROW]] @ $12.

By the way, have you seen my W.W. Grainger, Inc. [[GWW]] today? It’s not really going down with the rest of the market, now is it?

I own 1,000 Ctrip.com International, Ltd. (ADR) [[CTRP]] from $55ish. I intend on holding those said shares indefinitely.

Finally, I want to make something clear. I am much more interested with the overall tone of the market, than specific names. I am timing the peaks and valleys of the Dow and s & p, in order to calibrate my buys into my favorite names. In short, with another 2.5% down, I will be ready to put my coin back to work. Until then, me and my coin will sit here, sipping on tall glasses of hot hot Earl Grey Tea, mixed with heavy cream, while chuckling at the buffoons on the teevee going “full retard” on this market.