iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,083 Blog Posts

Bulls are My Bowling Pins

I’m just bowling on you bullish fuckers—throwing cannon balls and shit at you “do-gooders.” All day, I was leaning on [[LEH]], much to the chagrin of CNBC. Hopefully, some of you ingrates banked a little coin on it.

By the way, I’m not covering my LEH short. As a matter of fact, I greatly increased it today, as rumors run wild of their imminent demise.

Soon enough, you bottom calling fuckers will frantically exclaim: “where’d the bottom go”?

It’s not very difficult to trade a bear market people. When the market is knifing lower, reduce your leverage and raise cash. When it is spiking, increase your downside bets and leverage on extreme up days.

I know this confuses many of you, who are pre-programmed to always be bullish. I need you to understand something: “The Fly” needs you to stay bullish.

I need you fuckers to fuel my cash machine, by placing you and your stupid longs into my turbine. Without you, I would not be able to short LEH @ $49, or [[MON]] @ $114.

Regarding today’s welfare handout to the investment banks:

The brokerage asshats took 86 billion in free U.S. Sovereign Wealth Fund (FED) money. In my opinion, that’s an absolute flaming red flag. Expect many of the brokers to announce significant write downs, now that they have this money.

Finally, it’s worth noting “The Fly” is on the comeback trail, in iBC’s Final Four contest.

You didn’t think I was going to lose, did you? “The Fly” wins all the time, even when he appears to be losing badly.

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Fly Buy: DGP

I bought 1,000 [[DGP]] @ $24.33.

Disclaimer: If you buy DGP because of this post, when you die, you will be subjected to that Indian Wisdom Tree ETF commercial, for all eternity. And, you may lose money.

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Re-Breaking News: CNBC to the Rescue

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChokGbJdeSM 450 300]

Take that bulls bears!

For fear of closing in the red, I couldn’t wait, until 3:45, to re-release this news.

You’re welcome.

UPDATE: The investment banks only took in 86 billion in free money from the Fed. Hell, that’s fucking great news. That means they only have 86 billion in write downs left, no? Even more good news.

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A CNBC Led Rally

We can do it, folks.

Come one gang, let’s run the market higher, so that we may preserve CNBC’s ratings.

Do it for CNBC!

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Today, for Fun, I am a Bull

Did you see those GDP numbers? Fucking smoking, man.

And, the market is so oversold, you just have to get long the banks. I mean, how low will [[LEH]] go, zero?

I don’t think so. Big investment banks NEVER go to zero. They go to $10.

Aside from the banks, solar looks sweet here. Look at [[SOLF]], [[FSLR]] and [[CSIQ]]. How could anyone deny the power of the solar panel (pun intended)? In due time, all of us will drive solar powered cars, circa 1980’s news broadcasts.

Anyway, should this market be down by 3:45 today, I have a special surprise to “jack it” higher.

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No Stock Advice For You

Today, I refuse to share financial advice with strange lurkers from the internets. Quite honestly, “The Fly” is not interested in today’s tape. Sure, the market will go up and down, bankrupting fucktarded goat fuckers along the way. But that’s the natural order of things, no?

By helping you, I am disturbing nature. As you well know, “The Fly” is a HUGE fan of nature, with all of its trees and shit. The last thing I want on my conscience is to melt down some fucking iceberg, because my pristine financial advice helped some moron from the internets build an oil refinery in the North Pole. That is unacceptable.

So, with that being said, I have numerous cups of “low-end” Dunkin’ Donuts coffee to consume, while deciding my next attack.

Developing…

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Classic CNBC

Stupid fucking bitches.

NOTE: No offense to bitches.

Hat tip: Some moron in the comments section.

UPDATE: Don’t look now, the “bullet proof” Chinese stock market is out of control bleeding red, ahead of the Godly Olympics. Who would have thought?

Short the spirits out of [[LFC]]. Those assholes have ridiculous equity exposure.

Time Machine Flashback: Fuck the Banks.

UPDATE II: It has come to my attention that an “iBC resident,” Boca, has an interesting Ebay auction going. Inadvertently,  Danny bumped into her auction of Bear Stearns squeezable bears.

Go get one.

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