Do the Robot!

From the same people who invented the twist and the running man, I give you “the robot.”

To do this dance, you must first open up your bullshit online brokerage account. Then, once logged in, you will sit back on your “piker-esque” swivel chair and just click buy orders. That’s it. Everyone can do it, even Grandma.

In summary: lean back on your bullshit swivel chair, then click the buy button.

You will find, much to your delight, that by doing “the robot,” you will become rich as fuck. You can steal your neighbors wives and even buy their sloppy homes in foreclosure. Everyone is doing it and it works. Look at our biggest and finest banks: Citigroup Inc. [[c]] , JPMorgan Chase & Co. JPMorgan Chase & Co. [[jpm]] , Bank of America Corporation [[bac]] and Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[gs]] . They do “the robot” every fucking day, and as a result, and have made money every single day this year.

As for me: I’m feeling my GMX Resources Inc. [[GMXR]] , [[CBD]] and Eastman Chemical Company [[EMN]] positions, right about now.

NOTE: I bought 2,000 Ctrip.com International, Ltd. (ADR) [[CTRP]] at the open.

It’s official: the fetus soup lovers from the Orient are in a bear market, now down more than 20% for the year.

In other apocalyptic related news, the price of sugar is now in a fucking depression, as the entire world, in unison, kindly declines that second lump of sweet cancer at their local coffee shoppe.

Finally, just in case you missed it, Samsonite Hamburgalar’s take on the EU bail out.

Still feeling lucking, punk-bitch?

UPDATE: Get one. Indeud!

Resident gold bug/ United Parcel Service, Inc. [[UPS]] water carrier, Jakegint, deserves some accolades for his accurate commentary on gold. Since I am not interested in paying homage, I thought you might like to lick his heels and pay tribute for his “sageness.” You know it’s very rare for me to acknowledge another persons winship, since I am too busy focusing on my own.

As for me:

I am enjoying the “suckers rally” with great vigor, as my [[VXX]] , Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] and [[CBD]] positions melt up. Howsoever, Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] is becoming a bit of an albatross and needs to “buck up,” or get the fuck out. You know what I’m saying? Additionally, today’s intra-day buys of Eastman Chemical Company [[EMN]] , ON Semiconductor Corp. [[ONNN]] and SINA Corporation (USA) [[SINA]] have not afflicted grave harm to my person, just yet. However, let it be known, I expect grand moves out of the trio.

The issue at hand is: to believe or not to believe? With all of the western world partaking in quantitative easing, ask yourselves: where is the coin coming from?

Answer: from us.

My “Hugh Hendry Theory” is still very much alive, despite not having a [[TLT]] position. I do believe we will be “funneled” into treasuries, via adverse market conditions. Gold is trading on its own now, irrespective of the dollar. So, we have ourselves some end game situations coming upon us. What I mean by that is: confidence in all currencies are waning. Do not be surprised to see an orchestrated “fuck you, you’re dead” push lower, sending equity lovers into bonds.

In short: I’m as bearish as a motherfucker in a male only world. But, I am smart enough to avoid murderholes aka “short positions,” unlike many of you macabre blogging dick suckers.

NOTE: The PPT Overall Hybrid hit 3.00  today, with a record 70% of large cap stocks ranked buy. In my opinion, close enough to be considered OVERBOUGHT.

Everything I know to be true and just is irrelevant. As such, I delved into my cash horde and purchased more Eastman Chemical Company [[EMN]] , GMX Resources Inc. [[GMXR]] and Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . For the record, my basis in FTK is low 2.20’s.

At any rate,  today’s reversal is super impressive, especially since the breadth was so bad early on.

Enjoy the run while it lasts.

UPDATE: I bought 30,000 ON Semiconductor Corp. [[ONNN]] under $8 and 5,000  SINA Corporation (USA) [[SINA]] @ $34.04.

I bought 10,000 Eastman Chemical Company [[EMN]] between $64.70-64.91, 10,000 GMX Resources Inc. [[GMXR]] @ $6.85 and 10,000 Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] @ $1.75.

Disclaimer: Robots control your future.

Despite what I really think about stocks, the market is doing EXACTLY what it is supposed to do: digest yesterday’s gains. Even though the euro is getting poleaxed, the yen carry trade unraveling and gold and dollars up at the same time, stocks are hardly down—thanks in large part to computers with bullish marching orders.

From my vantage point, the internals look dreadful, with losses in all major industries sans trannies. Nevertheless, investors have been trained, like hungry dogs, to buy dips. As a result, investors are buying today’s dip: shocker.

As for me:

I am comfortable riding out my [[VXX]] journey, knowing full well it can see $20 in a flash. In my estimation, it’s worth the risk holding, while the euro is getting Greek fucked.

With my money, on a dip, I will add to my POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] and Eastman Chemical Company [[EMN]] positions, in order to balance out my longs versus [[VXX]] situation that I have going on over here. Also, I will look to lighten up on my [[VXX]] , north of $30.

“As soon as I am done assisting the Vatican with their gay priest matter, I shall ban the one known as VKING for offending the sanctity of the iBankCoin comments section.”

Mr. R.W. Pelican, Chairman and CEO, iBC Security Apparatus

I bet you thought the market was gonna go up forever, eh? As I sit here, sipping on a monstrous sized mug of coffee, I laugh at Europe.  I laugh at them because they are gay, stupid and entirely helpless to the wolf pack seeking their blood. You can say all you want, but at the end of the day, they have yet to implement austerity measures, nor have they raised the capital required to backstop PiiGS.

The bailout will fail because it’s too late.

As an aside, China is staring down the barrel of “fucked up” inflation, thanks in large part to their fraudulent banking system. Don’t look now, but the Chinese will make 22% less loans in 2010 and make drastic cut backs in telco spending. Nevertheless, no one wants to talk about “suchness,” as Mrs. Fly likes to say. You clam-fuckers are obsessed with inflation and how it pertains to your gold bricks. Let me be the first to tell you, deflation on a tragic scale lurks in the background, hidden behind heinous accounting fraud at the banks.

How do we trade such tragedies?

Answer: rub some [[VXX]] on your chest and pair that with some longs.

To be clear: I think the market should be 1,000 points lower from where we trade now. However, I am fully awake to the fact that the markets are being manipulated higher. So, with that in mind, I’ve decided to forgo the “big win,” in exchange for steady, eddy winship. If I can accomplish a 25% gain for 2010, I will be content.

In closing, the euro is falling and gold is a safe haven. Run for the fucking hills, Jack, or get toasted.

The bailout is still in a failing state.

All of you fuckers who think you have it all figured out and shit will get RAPED by cannon grape, on your way to your local bodega.

Good night.

The euro gave up all of its gains, while the dollar gained. Let me be the first to tell you, good sir, the European bailout has already failed. As a result, you must prepare yourself for widespread famine and pestilence.

While it’s true, the market bounced hard today. It’s also true, [[VXX]] is only down .75 from Thursday’s close. For the day, I am down nearly 3%, thanks in large part to [[VXX]] , Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] and other impotent longs. But, in the big scheme of things, I am actually winning. More on this later.

At the moment, my favorite longs are Eastman Chemical Company [[EMN]] , POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , [[CBD]] and Jarden Corporation [[JAH]] . I will not short anything due to the excess fuckery permeating out of western central banks. So, when it comes to investing, it’s either fuck or walk. My preference is to sit out the volatility, while—ironically—being long volatility. The key with the markets, short term, is how Europe follows through. It will be very hard for those fuckers to follow through on 9-14% daily gains. Spain is, without a doubt, completely devoid of reason.

Just remember, for it is your duty to do so: “The Fly” wins all the time, even during grotesque setbacks.

NOTE: Believe it or not, The PPT called the bottom again. Even I have reservations about “taking the leap of faith.” However, look at the fucking track record. Uncanny.