When in Doubt, Short Lehman

They suck. Not just because they play 2nd fiddle to [[MS]] and [[GS]]. They suck because they have massive exposure to mortgage paper, which they are not fully disclosing.

Plus anyway, they are “testing” the new Fed loan window. Back in the old days, any bank that went to the Fed window was sold, over and over again.

Just know this, the market is a place where emotions exaggerate the values of companies. Right now, as I sit here in my ridiculously expensive chair, I can tell you [[LEH]] is 10 bucks expensive.

On the long side, for a trade, I like Hong Kong, via [[EWH]]. And, thanks to the newly elected pro-Chinese President in Taiwan, I like [[EWT]].

On the short side, whenever I get bored, I short LEH. Plus, thus far, I’ve been buying both [[SKF]] and [[SRS]], hoping and praying to dear baby Jesus for a large gap lower in bank and commercial Re names.

Also, just in case inflation has not been destroyed by the Fed’s “tight monetary policy,” of only 75 bps cuts at a clip, I like gold, via [[DGP]] here.

If you’re short the market here, refrain from throwing good money after bad. If you want to add to down positions, wait until 3:00 to do such madness.

I bought 2,000 [[SKF]] @ $100.99.

Disclaimer: If you buy SKF because of this post, Jamie Dimon will up his bid for Bear to $50. And, you may lose money.

I covered my [[MOS]] short, buying 3,000 @ $94.60.

Do not fear anything, your government will make sure there is food on your plate and diamonds on your rims. The bear market is officially over, thanks to the ingenious plan of Jamie Dimon and the kids from Bear.

Not only did those rascals trick us into thinking [[BSC]] was worth $2, they even tricked the government. From what I understand, the U.S. Treasury sent Jamie Dimon to his room and told him to write on the blackboard: “I will never trick the government again,” 100 times.

Leading the market are the financials and “ag plays.” Despite being smoked out on my [[SMN]] position, I feel good—since the recession is over and people are going back to work.

Luckily for me, the “earnings masters” over at [[LEH]] are taking a breather today, allowing “simple Fly” to bank a little coin on his miniature short position.

As for general trading:

My bearish friends keep calling me, saying: “we will not get past 12,500 because…” As you can see, the sentence is incomplete because I keep hanging up on them in mid-sentence.

Instead of trading, today I will celebrate the new bull market, coupled with the first trading day of spring, by painting my office “government green.”

Developing…

Oh my, these fuckers are making Wall Street look like a Benny Hill comedy.

Read comedy here.

UPDATE: Jamie Dimon explains how he brokered the [[BSC]] deal.

I was literally dodging accidents along the way to my Easter destination. I’ll have you know, two cars crashed in front of me, sending one of them into a ball of flames. This all occurred on a bridge, mind you.

Then, shortly thereafter, I witnessed 4 more accidents—along my 40 mile trip. To top it off, an egregious motorcycle guy crashed into the bumper of an equally egregious motorist. When I passed the scene, things looked somewhat dire for the motorcycle guy—to say the least.

By the time I got to my destination, I was driving like an old man, scared of bumps and shit, thinking to myself “I’m next.” Paranoid like a crackhead in a rehab center.

However, as fate would have it, “The Fly” was spared from such inconveniences and proceeded to dine like a King—for the remainder of the evening.

As for the pending iBC news:

It has been delayed, unfortunately. Just know, I’m not going to start charging readers for my retarded rants. As a matter of fact, I should pay all of you, for allowing me to tee-off on you fuckers everyday. It’s very therapeutic.

And, I did not sell the site. Who would buy this shitbox anyway?

The news has little to do with you and your stupid lives— and more to do with my vanity.

As for the markets:

I have a slight bullish feeling, for some odd reason. I’m thinking about getting long emerging markets, for a trade. Also, the [[SMN]] may still work, since the commodity excess is being run off.

More on this later.

NOTE: I had the market data removed from the site, after learning many of you fuckers were not abiding by iBC’s strict dress code, which includes white gloves during trading hours.

Prepare for the most unbelievable development, ever to hit the internets.

Once again, BEHOLD.

Developing…

NOTE: Not to be outdone by the analyst featured in Barron’s this weekend, saying the Dow is going to 20,000, Dick Bove just said (I overheard him at a coffee shop) the Dow is “going to fucking rip through 50,000, by December of ’08—led by banks.”

Dick Bove, Bank Analyst, Punk Ziegel

“Buy the banks. They’re all yummy, down at these levels.”

Unlike the heathen “Juice,” “The Fly” is a God fearing man. So, out of respect for good Friday, I will refrain from using obscenities (even though God could care less about such minor offenses).

Apparently, the ungodly folks at S&P downgraded both [[LEH]] and [[GS]] today, citing a “rough” environment.

I’ll say.

“Market volatility and the possibility of further weakening of economic activity may result in a more substantial fall in revenues,” possibly resulting in one-notch downgrades, said Paul Coughlin, S&P’s head of corporate and government ratings, on a conference call.

Actions by the central bank “alleviate much of the concerns that we have about near-term liquidity conditions,” S&P analyst Scott Sprinzen said. “However, we still view the environment as rough near-term for the five broker-dealers.”

S&P said Goldman has very strong liquidity, but that its emphasis on trading and “aggressive” risk appetite expose it to potential for “major missteps.” It also said Lehman has a stable base of funding and strong fundamentals, but could suffer “severely” if the market turns against it.

Sprinzen said Goldman, Merrill and Morgan Stanley also have a “clear advantage” over Lehman, the largest U.S. mortgage underwriter, because they are more diversified.

Let me just say this: LEH is a quadruple sell, with hot mustard on it. Anyone who knows Wall Street understands and acknowledges freely, Lehman is a 2nd rate “high end” bucket shop—with losers at the helm and in the engine room.

Anyone care for a 13 week treasury?