On Friday, members of Exodus were alerted to the fact that “The Fly” had purchased ROKU at $97.94.
On Monday, those same members were also alerted that “The Fly” had sold his ROKU position at $102.51 for an overnight profit of 4.7% — or an annualized return of 1,187%.
See pal, that’s who I am and you’re nothing…
…GO HOME AND PLAY WITH YOUR KIDS.
Moving on, the market is southern molasses sleepy and tired, hemming and hawing — real tired — mighty fine tired. There is no need to do anything presently. Let’s just wait towards the end of this day, when the corn bread is stale and the grits are hardened to take a gander at another overnighter.
It’s like they don’t even exist. I am entitled to my own opinions, aren’t I not? I believe this isn’t something that should concern me — down 175 at the open — Mcplunging shares of DB — global crisis looming and all.
Then we have this information crossing the desk.
BlackRock lowered its global growth outlook, based on expectations that trade and geopolitical frictions will continue.
The firm said central banks are responding to the weaker outlook, and are loosening policy, creating a constructive environment for U.S. and European stocks.
BlackRock upgraded emerging market debt but no longer favors emerging market equities, lowering them to neutral from overweight as the outlook for global growth dimmed.
Whoa, would you look at dat!
And then there’s this.
Morgan Stanley tells clients that despite Wall Street’s confidence in easier Fed policy, investors haven’t fully priced in weaker GDP data.
“The positives of easier policy will be offset by the negatives of weaker growth,” wrote chief cross-asset strategist Andrew Sheets.
Sheets adds that over the next year, there is just 1% average upside to Morgan Stanley’s price targets for the S&P 500, MSCI Europe, MSCI EM and Topix Japan.
How’d do ya like that?
And then this (BAM!)
Economist Art Laffer says he doesn’t understand why the Federal Reserve remains independent.
President Trump has repeatedly and publicly criticized the Fed and its chairman for raising interest rates.
“You get this back and forth all the time,” Laffer says of the two.
FUCK OFF.
I am watching bonds, oil, and gold for key tells. It’s also worth noting, I finally sold my house — which might mean something ominous for markets. I haven’t thought about it yet.
Very scary headlines out tonight, as DB gets set to implode and fire everyone. Futures are in a hardened yawn session and the German futures are fucking higher. There are some out there who believe this news means something — but they’re wrong. It means nothing. As a matter of fact, it means less than nothing.
Deutsche Bank announced Sunday that it will pull out of its global equities sales and trading business as part of a sweeping restructuring plan to improve profitability.
The bank will also slash 18,000 jobs for a global headcount of around 74,000 employees by 2022. The bank aims to reduce costs by 6 billion euros.
Deutsche expects its restructuring plan to cost 7.4 billion euros by the end of 2022.
The German bank also expects to report a net loss of 2.8 billion euros in the second quarter of 2019. It will release its second quarter results on July 25.
No one gives a shit. Get out there and buy some fucking Bitcoins and tech stocks. If scared, buy some Tootsie Roll and leave me the fuck alone. It’s amateur hour out there. All of the important people are out fishing or skydiving. Junior at the turret isn’t allowed to sell anything, so don’t expect a big event before September 1st.
The Office (US & UK) Simpsons Veep All in the Family The Mary Tyler Moore Show Coupling Arrested Development Mash Curb Your Enthusiasm Seinfeld The Larry Sanders Show
Extras 30 Rock Frazier Everybody Loves Raymond Family Guy Community How I Met Your Mother Blackish Big Bang It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Louie Brooklyn 99 Modern Family Episodes I’m Sorry The Good Place
This of course is nonsense. Listen to me. I am an authority on entertainment and all things to do with humor. No one is funnier than me and no one has seen more movies and television than me. I consume information at an industrial rate. The fact that Barry thinks Seinfeld is funny isn’t his fault. He is merely a byproduct of his environment. He probably was raised in a housing tenement and never saw some of the other shows. If you only ate grilled cheese sandwiches for your entire life, how could you ever know the splendor of a thicc steak?
Here is my list, with authority.
Three comedies that are BETTER than Seinfeld: Eastbound and Down The Office Curb Your Enthusiasm
1. Band of Brothers 2. House 3. Game of Thrones (in spite of final season) 4. The Office (exponentially better than Seinfeld) 5. Peaky Blinders 6. Curb Your Enthusiasm 7. Deadwood 8. BREAKING FUCKING BAD 9. Better Call Saul 10. Downton Abbey (fuck off)
EASTBOUND AND DOWN The Wire Sherlock Rome Carnivale Boardwalk Empire Sopranos John Adams Silicon Valley Hannibal All in the Family Twilight Zone Honeymooners Luther 30 Rock
Lesser bloggers will ask for your lists to get the site some traffic. I don’t need that shit. I make like 15 bucks per month on ads for this shit hole. Keep your opinions to yourself. Your opinions and meaningless, since I am the authority.
What sort of monster posts headlines describing stock market gains as being ‘big dicked?’ This is supposed to be a family friendly website, welcoming, with open arms, all people and genders and races and age groups. In a world of hatred and violence, iBankCoin is supposed to be a redoubt of honor and dignity. Whoever is typing those headlines into the website needs to cut that shit out immediately.
Speaking of monster, look at what the absolute shit-head fools at CNBC headlined today.
Look, I don’t mean to come across as hateful or be sour guy with always something harmful to say — but for the love of Christ those fuckers at CNBC deserve the electric chair. I don’t even know where to start addressing this sudden claim that authoritarian regimes are overtaking democracies with their brands of capitalism. Oh, is that what China is — capitalist? I don’t think so fucked faces. Even more, is France capitalist? Is America a capitalist society? I think not. This shit is rigged from crown to stem.
Moving on to happier subjects. I received another offer for my house — albeit another low baller. What’s with fuckers who waste your time with low ball offers? Do they think I’m so desperate to escape NJ that I’lll acquiesce? Wrong guy. I’ll never acquiesce. I’ll stay in this tax hell for the rest of my life before I surrender.
Don’t talk to me about markets today. It’s a Saturday and it’s muggy outside and I still have allergies. I’m sure you’ll be fine and everything will shoot higher come Monday.
Looks like I booked two gains today, one for 3% and another of the bigger dick varietal for +7.1%. I’d tell you these things in advance — but the trades are for closers only and they’re most certainly not for degenerate readers who don’t even have the decency to support this fine institution via an Exodus membership.
I just got off the phone with my chief programmer. Pay attention, for this is a very important message.
Prices for Exodus 2.0 are going up. Believe me, I tried to fight it — but I lost out in the end. My new programmer hails from Germany and did the calculations and determined the new product would be ‘severely underpriced’ to the point of doing injury to yours truly, so prices are heading higher. But prices will not go up for current members or anyone who gets in before the cut off date.
When is said cut off date?
Unsure, presently. When I find out more — you’ll know. Trust me.
Markets were supposed to tank, but nothing can keep this shit lower. You fucking hear that? That’s the sound of short sellers getting flushed down the drain.
After talking to Rain Cajun, I am 99.99% certain that I will do a daily podcast, from 3-4pm called The Final Fucking Hour, which will be hosted by me and RC. I’ll interview some “really important people” and try to humiliate them best I can. Anyone who’s ever talked to me knows that I can carry a conversation for about 20 hours straight, so 1 hr will be a breeze, plus it’ll be fun. I have a face for radio, believe me.
You got to buy something before the closing bell. We must assume stocks will continue to break necks to the upside. I just bought a really cool stock. It’ll be even cooler if the fucker should trade up 10% next week.
I’m very busy this morning. Very fucking busy. “The Fly” is somewhat moving past the life of toiling in front of the computer spitting out top tier blogs.
The reason why the market is McPlunging this morning is two fold.
1. The payrolls numbers were off the fucking chain. You’d have to be a fucking lunatic to cut rates into this economy.
2. The market is trying to price in zero retarded rate cuts now.
Nonfarm payrolls rose 224,000 in June, well above market expectations of 165,000, according to the Labor Department.
The unemployment rate hedged higher to 3.7% but was still near 50-year lows.
Wage growth was 3.1% year over year, one-tenth of a point below market expectations.
Stocks opened lower on the news and government bond yields surged.
The question you’ve got to ask yourself, all of us should be asking, is why the fuck was the market pricing in rate cuts in the first place? None of it matters now — only price.
So the whole dynamic of soaring stocks coupled with gold and everything else is now to shit. To complete shit. The new dynamic, get this, is HIGHER rates, lower gold, and fucked up stocks. Try to keep up here fuckers — this is about to kill a lot of people.
I’m getting absolutely poleaxed today, so I sold my OSTK trade for a +3%. I had to sell it — because I’ve been booking loss after loss the past week. I needed the win. Now that I’ve got that base covered, I can go out now and not really give a fuck about stocks for the next 3-4 hours. It’s Friday, post 4th of July, and everything is hung over. Something tells me we’ll survive.
I was in NYC last night doing pizza reviews with the fam and an old friend. Joe and Pat’s on E.12th and 1st avenue blew Sauce out of the fucking swimming pool. Plus, at Joe and Pat’s — you can have beer and that got me warmed up for today’s degeneracy.
What am I planning to do today?
Several things. You have to understand, I am “The Fly” and you’re just readers — so the things that I do here will vary much differently from what you’re going to do. For example, most of you will probably drink some swill, light a few fire bombs, and fall asleep in front of the teevee, sloppily and fat.
I intend to thoroughly clean my house from basement to the fucking attic again. You have to understand, this is my life now with the house being for sale and all. The house must be in tip top shape at all times. All fucking times. At any given moment someone can request a showing and I have to file everyone the fuck out of here and pray to God they’ll buy the house — so that I can finally become a southern gentleman and get the hell out of here.
That’s number one.
Number two, I’m going to drink a lot. But I’m not drinking swill. I’m drinking Chimay, good, quality, European, Belgian European, beer. I’m sure most of you don’t know what I’m talking about and I don’t expect you to. That shit is expensive at $15 per bottle and it would relegate most into the poorhouse.
Number three, I’m going to BBQ a lot. I’m making burgers and brats. But not just ordinary brats. We have a place nearby called Brick Farms and they slaughter their own animals and turn them into sausages. We’ll be eating that and high quality, grass fed, burgers. I will top them off with provolone, also from Brick Farms, where they milk their own cows and turn that shit into cheese.
Number four, I will light a lot of fireworks. Since the explosive bombs are illegal here, I’ll be lighting colorful pussy shit. I know some of you are intent on blowing off your fingers or searing off your eyebrows with errant mortar shells to the face. “The Fly” doesn’t do shit like that. I’m too important and valuable to end up in jail or without fingers. Otherwise, how would I type blogs?
Number five, clean up and bathe and go to sleep at a decent time. If you want to be productive, you can’t stay up all night. Cut the shit out already, you’re not a teenager anymore. Go to sleep and wake up with the fucking roosters.
All in all, it should be a great night. We’re going to celebrate America and all of her fucking glory, whether that bothers the neighbors or not. This is our day to shine and act like fucking assholes, get drunk, fat — but in a distinguished way.
Cheers.
NOTE: I’m thinking about starting a podcast titled “The Final Fucking Hour” — discussing markets and events from 3-4pm daily. Thoughts?
July 4th is a day for white trash to bask in their undignified glory. For those of you living that sort of lifestyle, oblivious to how one might throw a proper white trash 4th of July party, “The Fly” is here to help. With the assistance of my readership, as well as many other people who I’ve met growing up in Brooklyn, this is your “how-to” guide on having an ‘un-gentlemanly” Independence Day.
When you wake up in the afternoon, after a solid night of drunken debauchery, you should feed the children something sugary, like Captain Crunch cereal and/or frozen panned cakes (extra syrup).
Now that your parenting for the day is done, you can prepare for the 4th of July BBQ and drinking extravaganza!
Head on over to the local liquor store and buy a few kegs of beer, several bottles of Jack Daniels and a whole lot of cases of budweiser (CANS ONLY!!!).
After hauling in your treasure, prepare the old charcoal BBQ by spraying massive doses of lighter fluids on it. Have the kids throw things at the flames and play with the fire. Prepare to welcome some of your guests.
After your guest walks through the open screen door, welcome them by saying “what’s up bro” or “yo, man, have a bud”, then carelessly throw a frozen aluminum can of budwesier at him. Every once in awhile you will errantly strike his girlfriend in the head/face with it, so have an extra frozen can aside for the purposes of suppressing swollen bumps about the face and head.
As the party progresses, it’s time to serve your guests of dishonor food. Grab some styrofoam plates and slap a few hotted dogs on them, preferably with bun. If, by chance, you do not have buns, as they weren’t within your budget, feel free to use Wonder Bread as a substitute. Some people actually prefer good olde fashioned white bread anyways. Be sure to douse all hotted dogs with copious amounts of generic ketchup.
As the day drifts on, and the beer cans begin to pile up around the house and yard, ask the children to pick up the cans and place them into the giant black garbage bag that you have hanging off the side of your metal fence. The kid who picks up the most cans of bud gets to drink a can of their own!
FIREWORKS TIME!
You and your friends should now head on over to the front of the house to light some fireworks. It’s important that 90% of your fireworks be of the deafening loud, explosive, variety and not that “color crap.” You will light all fireworks with a lit cigarette butt and be sure to let the children light and toss M-80’s too, as it is their right of passage to do so.
After the fireworks, the real party begins. Parenting is over and has been over since breakfast, so feel free to let the kids roam off into the woods or nearby junkyard for a little childhood curiosity. You and your friends will begin, in earnest, drinking excessive quantities of Jack Daniels, while decrying how “fucked up” this country has become, especially honing in on the immigration issue and how people who don’t speak english should be deported and/or killed.
After 1am is the witching hour. By now, you and your guests should be comfortably buzzed. But it’s time to take it to the next level. Marijuana filled “joints” should be passed around at this time and a side table filled with lines of cocaine should be displayed, for all those interested. Shots of tequila with slices of lemon are appropriate chasers after “partying”, so be sure to have that in stock.
By 3am, 70% of your guests will be asleep (including the children), strewn out across the yard and furniture. Now would be an excellent time to partake in a little innocent adultery. Anything that transpires now is subject to denial and is easily excused, as everyone was “so wasted” that he or she could barely remember what happened.
By 11am on July 5th, most of your guests have woken up and should be asking for coffee. DO NOT PROVIDE THEM WITH COFFEE. By failing to provide them with coffee, they will be forced to leave your residence and find it elsewhere.
The party is now over. It’s now time for you and the kids to clean up the vomit and bottles of Jack Daniels and prepare for the hangover to come.
FUN TIP: Storing beer in aluminum trash cans is good, but getting rid of the water can be a hassle. ENTER BATH TUB.
I thought gold was going to skyrocket today — but it’s kind of a disappointment. I knew in my guts this shit would happen, which is why I didn’t want to talk too much shit last night. That’s how it works — doesn’t it? Big overnight move dissipates into a puddle of piss by morning and everyone shits their pantaloons.
I’m fucking sneezing nonstop this morning. I hate allergy season.
Big move in Bitcoins now, firmly over $11,000. Markets have that July 4th sleepy vibe. Absolutely no one is coming to see my fucking house — because of the holiday. I can’t give away this fucking house — after endless upgrades. Fuck this shit. Most of my stocks are doing dick and now I have to figure out if I want to buy a bunch of new stuff or stick with what I have.
Anyway — lots of things to look at now, but BTC is definitely impressive and gold…not so much.
