18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,574 Blog Posts

Deutsche Bank is Doomed Again — Literal Non-Event

Very scary headlines out tonight, as DB gets set to implode and fire everyone. Futures are in a hardened yawn session and the German futures are fucking higher. There are some out there who believe this news means something — but they’re wrong. It means nothing. As a matter of fact, it means less than nothing.

Deutsche Bank announced Sunday that it will pull out of its global equities sales and trading business as part of a sweeping restructuring plan to improve profitability.

The bank will also slash 18,000 jobs for a global headcount of around 74,000 employees by 2022. The bank aims to reduce costs by 6 billion euros.

Deutsche expects its restructuring plan to cost 7.4 billion euros by the end of 2022.

The German bank also expects to report a net loss of 2.8 billion euros in the second quarter of 2019. It will release its second quarter results on July 25.

No one gives a shit. Get out there and buy some fucking Bitcoins and tech stocks. If scared, buy some Tootsie Roll and leave me the fuck alone. It’s amateur hour out there. All of the important people are out fishing or skydiving. Junior at the turret isn’t allowed to sell anything, so don’t expect a big event before September 1st.

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One comment

  1. juice

    and in a literal event — let’s see who Epstein is gonna take down


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