The Important Matter of Drinking Coffee Like a Man

It pains me to see other men order homofied cups of coffee. Whenever I am at my local Starbucks, I cringe at the orders blurted out by other men. “Yes, may I have a super, duper latte espresso with whipped cream and caramel.” If you are a man, you are NOT ALLOWED to EVER order coffee with whipped cream in it, unless of course you intend to use the whipped cream as some sort of diabolical weapon or to be dispatched (immediately) into the face of an idle enemy. Secondly, you are NOT ALLOWED to put caramel in your coffee. What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t get me started with steamed milk!

Lastly, you are not supposed to put too much sugar in your coffee and NEVER use sugar alternatives. If you put splenda in your cup of mud, you might as well do so while wearing your favorite ballerina outfit.

Coffee is something that needs to be respected. Do not dilute “the bean,” with womanly condiments. It’s bad enough that you wear bullshit jackets, with all of them zippers on it; don’t demean yourself further by defiling the last manly beverage left on Earth (beer has been overrun by homofied micro-brewers).

For 1 day, I will put aside my grievances with the stock market and call it like I see it. Money is fleeing safety (bonds) and going into risky investments, namely commodity plays. Moreover, money is targeting, specifically, stocks with large short positions, in order to cause pain and anguish to short sellers.

Within the tech space, I am seeing melt ups in a variety of semis, thanks to a huge ramp up in end user demand. When I say “end user demand,” I mean dumbass people, living month to month off credit cards, are buying iPads, Macs, smartphones and big ass teevees. Because of this, semiconductor foundries are smoking hot. Remember when I told you foundry utilization was at 30% last year? Well, fast forward, we are nearing 90% and in some cases 95%, forcing the price of chips higher, especially DRAM and Flash.

The whole semiconductor food chain benefits from higher demand/prices. However, I like to play the chain at the root, where shit it made and tested.

My favorite plays are TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] , Amkor Technology, Inc. [[AMKR]] , Advanced Semiconductor Engineering (ADR) [[ASX]] , Cadence Design Systems, Inc. [[CDNS]] , MEMC Electronic Materials, Inc. [[WFR]] and [[SPIL]] . So you know, on The PPT, I have the entire foundry watchlist for public perusal.

Anyway, thanks to this melt-up, my [[TLT]] and [[VXX]] positions are melting down, like cheap candles in whorehouse. But, I am making up for said losses, thanks to sharp advances in POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , ICICI Bank Limited (ADR) [[IBN]] , TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] , General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] and Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . With regards to SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] , it will be a slow roll back to respectability. However, without a doubt, acquiring Arena Resources, Inc. [[ARD]] will greatly diversify their business into proven oil fields and double free cash flow. Long term, if the deal can get done at $40, I think SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] will kick ass.

Downtrodden SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] is acquiring one of my favorite independent oil and gas companies, Arena Resources, Inc. [[ARD]] , for $40 per share—representing just a 17% premium to Thursday’s close. Due to the deal, I expect arb players to short the shit out of SD’s shares—limiting any upside breakout. However, long term, if they can close this deal without a larger outfit stepping in with a better offer, this will change the way Wall Street looks at the share price. Ultimately, SD is going much, much higher.

I got you guys with the black smoke, didn’t I?

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

We do nothing but go up. Proceed with your exotic lifestyle and decadent lunches.

The rally, built from marshmallows, cream puffs and robot grease, is coming to an end, at least on an intra-day basis. Let it be known, you will get exactly what you deserve, AND MORE.

On the great eyes of Ulysses, I shall have my way, vis a vis large purchases of common stock through your margin liquidation. You can feel the pinch already, can’t you?

Today’s small purchases of TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] and General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] were simply to fill holes, as I have been a net seller of stocks for weeks now. As you know by now, I fucking hate this candy-ass market, with all of its cavity inducing sweeteners, and feel it is my duty to bring it down, brick my brick—stone by stone.

You should see me now, walking around the office, drinking from a dark/sinister mug, brimming with black smoke. You should try a little. It tastes like brimstone.

Top picks: Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , [[TLT]] , black smoke, and urrrr, [[VXX]] .

I bought 20,000 TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] @ $7.14 and 10,000 General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] just north of $27.55.

Disclaimer: Seasonality trends here people. Nothing to see. Carry on.

I hope you enjoyed our little April Fool’s day prank. So you know, iBC will always observe April Fool’s day with the same seriousness and dedication as Christmas.

God has ordered the market higher today, to make up for yesterday’s sins. The data was fine, yadda,yadda, yadda.

Back to my positions.

Finally, the funding crisis for Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] is over, albeit with horrendous terms. However, they now have a lifeline through 2012 (just in time for the end of the world). There is absolutely no reason, whatsoever, for the stock to remain in the 1’s. With the new cash, the company can focus on its chemicals and drilling parts businesses.

Out of my longs, I favor [[CBD]] , SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] , Adobe Systems Incorporated [[ADBE]] and Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] the most, based upon valuation. My [[TLT]] position just paid another .38 divvy and [[VXX]] is the biggest piece of shit known to mankind, even more so than [[SRS]] .

It’s April! The sun is out and the trees are fixing to drive people crazy, via egregious bouts of allergy attacks. Seasonally speaking, Weatherford International Ltd. [[WFT]] , TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] , Southwestern Energy Company [[SWN]] , Ultra Petroleum Corp. [[UPL]] , Sociedad Quimica y Minera (ADR) [[SQM]] , amongst others, should outperform over the course of the next 30 days. Somehow, someway, I will put my pessimism aside and add a few positions to my current “pastiche.”

BREAKING: After being escorted from the iBC HQ, Mr. R.W. Pelican was seen partaking in the most egregious actions possible.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arpIBn7AH_0 616 500]

You’re fucking fired.

Reason: Ruining April Fools’ day, amongst other abominations.

Developing…

I really need to get something off my chest. You stupid fuckers on twitter make me want to go out with flamethrowers, throw sauce on people, then start some “Q-ing.” Some of you are pretty good and deserve to gloat a little, especially if that means making others look stupid. However, the large majority of you are fucking retarded goat fuckers— who thought Ford Motor Company [[F]] was “cheap” at $14 and BSC was a “steal” at $99.

STOP GIVING REASONS TO BUY STOCKS. Don’t you fuckers get it? It does not matter. Does it make sense that Clean Energy Fuels Corp. [[CLNE]] is pole-vaulting higher everyday or Massey Energy Company [[MEE]] or Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] ?

Answer: of course not.

Stocks are nothing more than “trading shells” these days. The good shells are favored by the investment community, while the bad shells are spit upon. Fundamentals do not matter, when banks are permitted to hide their losses and inflate their gains. So, the next time you find yourself sucking your own cock, for nailing a trade, give proper thanks to the real dick-suckers at some of our largest investment banks.

On a side note, [[TLT]] is trading strong, ahead of the monthly dividend. And, going with the Obama drilling initiative, take a look at some drilling plays.

UPDATE: Dog versus Cop car

I’ve been in executive meetings all morning with Mr. R.W. Pelican, discussing the current state of iBC affairs and how it correlates with the delivery of fresh fish in Manhattan. Being CEO of iBC Security Forces, Mr. R.W. Pelican has taken it upon himself to implement some “sweeping changes” to the iBC “look and feel.”

As you know by now, our liberal President wants to partake in offshore drilling, further solidifying my belief that George Bush and Barack Obama are actually the same person, disguised using alien space masking technology. Is it really so unbelievable?

With the bad ADP data this morning, expect the market to go up another 40-45 points today, as it is God’s will. God loves three things: the Yankees, Goldman Sachs’ trading robots and organic arugula. Prove me wrong.

How much should the market be down today?

Answer: anywhere between 150 and 900 points. Nevertheless, get your dumbasses in line for your daily 40.