Attention Newbie Gym People: You Are Amazingly Interesting

At first I was dreading the annual stampede of new members into the gym.  I am a local, and as a local the idea of the crowd seemed a bit off putting–swiping my machine and what have you.  Yesterday I caught a slow pocket via the local football club being on the telé, as the kids say.  Today I voluntarily dropped in at peak 5pm rush, and was beyond entertained by how strange people are.

Every bench and training chair was occupied.  The already narrow pathways were filled with group training sessions.  Lungers were lunging down corridors that are vacant the rest of the year.  Other locals are freaking the fuck out, arguing with their lifting mates in full bro idiocy, “These new year, new you people took all the rope grips dude.  I want to kick someones ASS right now!”

The new folk, bless their hearts, are being super impatient and/or overly patient.  A boy watched me do 6 full sets of cable flies, saying nothing, poking away at his phone until I left.  Others are rage lifting way more poundage then they can handle, at breakneck speeds which assures maximum risk is achieved.  The burnouts, they happen all the time.  The burn rate is way too high.  It cannot be sustained.

Locals are way off their game.  The disruption to their mundane routine is having devastating effects on their psyche.  They lose focus, lift with bad form and risk injury.  So worried about everyone else.  Some start acting like apes, claiming large swaths of territory and defending it by flinging feces and snorting.

Yours truly was in a zen-like state and at times wholly absorbed in my own workout.  They say a good pump is like taking adderall and valium, I believe the mystics call it clairvoyance.  I realized it is in the best interest of society that all these people were present to witness greatness.  I ran my shiny muscles through the gamut with precise form.  If people would just take the time to learn the fundamentals.  Then be patient.  Finally, toss the ego and start with the little girl weights (and stick with them for a while).  Only then can they have longevity in this game.

What I realized, net-net, is this sort of thing happens everywhere.  You are all interesting people and sometimes you act funny, sometimes more than others.  And right now with everyone running around flaunting their clean slates, feeling their oats, is one of those times when foolishness is running hot.  If you want to separate yourself from the competition, realize the real competition is with yourself.  Get better at what you already do best.  And if you want to pump iron, always squeeze those weights until your knuckles turn white.