Merry Pagan X-Mas, iBankCoiners

I physically recoil from the pagan holidays, nefarious schemes designed by Hollywood and the Coca-Cola corporation to empty my coffers into the pockets of local retailers. Christmas hasn’t been an enjoyable experience for me since adulthood, especially since I’ve been a father since the delicate age of 20 years old.

Each and every year, “The Fly” toils about the shopping mall for weeks on end, searching for pagan gifts to bestow upon spoiled members of my family, close friends, and total and complete strangers that have been deemed worthy by authorities higher than me. The result of all this holiday cheer is a total collapse of personal virility. Life itself appears to be very bleak and I loathe for a future timeline when the pagan holidays have been eliminated from the human psyche.

That being said, the pageantry of the holidays are very nice. I do enjoy a nice living tree shedding like fucking mad inside of my home and, of course, the enormous electricity bill ‘enjoyed’ by the litany of lights festooned on both the outside and inside of my personal storage facility. Travel is always ‘to be looked forward to’, as I’ve always dreamt of enduring bumper to bumper traffic en route to Brooklyn (Mom). Since I’m always driving, drinking is strictly prohibited, as killing people with my oversized gas guzzler is, apparently, against the law.

After racing home on Xmas eve, just in time for Santa Claus, I am dispatched very early on xmas morning to lay the groundwork for festivities. A great feast is to be prepared and entertainment for our many guests must be established — in spite of feeling Jeb Bush’d, low energy, cucked out surrender monkey’d.

However, I do wish you and yours a very happy xmas and hope that your experience is, inexorably, worse than mine.

Pro-tip: Sirius satellite is playing old xmas classic broadcasts on channel 148 this week — beckoning back to a time in America when the Coca-Cola company was still rumored to imbue their poisonous soda water with actual cocaine, rendering its customers magnanimous super-humans — both invincible immortals and powerful geniuses of the first magnitude.

Tips hat.

Ever so quietly, retail stocks are being driven to their demise — leading all industries to the downside over the past month.

Some notable decliners include SHLD -33%, DDS -18%, M -18%, RH -16%, BBBY -11%, BOOT -24%, CROX -19%, DECK -17%, KORS -12%, GES -24%, DEST -22%, ANF -21%, EXPR -21%, FINL -18%, AEO -17%, URBN -17%, JWN -17%, GPS -13%, BGFV -14%, DKS -13%, VRA -24%, RL -21%, OXM -19%, PVH -17%, KATE -13%.

These losses come amidst the backdrop of the strongest consumer sentiment numbers in 12 years. The final December readings came in today at 98.2 — up from November’s reading of 93.8.

“Ongoing solid readings on consumer confidence reinforce our view that GDP growth should remain firm in the near term, and we see the level of confidence as consistent with ongoing strength in consumer spending,” said Blerina Uruci, economist at Barclays.

I find this divergence to be apropos of 2016, where the exact opposite occurred. This was, without question, a George Constanza year.

Gold is heading for its 7th consecutive weekly loss, making it the longest losing streak for the utterly retarded yellow metal since 2004. This rout has been spearheaded by President elect Donald J. Trump under the umbrella of a stronger dollar.

Over the past month, the dollar is higher by almost 8% — sending shockwaves throughout the precious metals and bond markets.

Gold is down 15% over the past 3 month, but gold miners have done much, much worse.

Here are some of the assholes currently plagued by a Trump induced bear market.

PPP -55%, SBGL -53%, RIC -46%, AUY -43%, GFI -42%, HMY -42%, GORO -41%.

When I say ‘ENTIRE PORTFOLIO’, I mean it. But it’s only a small portion of my net worth. I pulled most of my money out of the market a while ago. When I managed money, I viewed investing my own money as double dipping and eschewed the practice in order to avoid conflicts of interest and distractions.

Now that I’m a full time blogger, dedicated to dealing with imbeciles in the comments section and covering fake news articles, I have all the time in the world to dedicate towards trading. But I haven’t had the itch all year, up until now.

I went all in on $UEC, based off Trump’s comments on wanting to upgrade the nuclear arsenal, inviting an 1980s style arms race. God I love first strike scenarios.

Let it all play out.

NOTE: this is an extreme dice roll and fully expect to leave this trade without my limbs.

I sold it all. I don’t give a shit about the consequences, jinxes, or timing tops, bottoms or middles. I am, the fuck, out of these stocks — which included gold, $TLT, and a sundry of shorts. All out and gone.

I never want to see you again.

Having cleaned house, I just executed the craziest trade in a long time, which will be revealed shortly. I went all in on one stock — betting on meme magic to save the day.

Quite honestly, it’s all a crapshoot at this point in the year, a laughable farce.

May the farce be with you. Ooh, the farce is strong in that one.

Off for a sandwich.

Taking into consideration that Carl now has the ear of the President elect, who happens to hate China, I think this is a credible threat to the matrix.

Attack sentinels have been dispatched to liquidate Carl, immediately. Hopefully he is equipped with an EMP weapon.

source: CNBC

“If you have a trade war with China, by definition, I remember the days something like that would really knock the hell out of the market, but maybe if you’re going to do it, you should get it over with, right? So that’s a consideration, you have to just make up your mind, if that’s what you’re going to do, you go do it,” Icahn said.

“If you’re asking me am I concerned about the market on the short term. Yeah I’m concerned about it,” he said. “You can look at so many factors here that you have to worry about.

Obviously, if you get into a trade war with China, sooner or later, I think we’re going to have to come to grips with that, maybe it’s better to do it sooner, but that’s not my decision at all. I don’t get involved with that.”

Get your popcorn ready. Two thousand and seventeen will be interesting.

During his annual marathon q and a wing the press, Vladimir Putin fielded a few questions about the US elections and laid waste to the Democratic Party, mostly ridiculing them as shameless losers who weren’t able to comport themselves properly in defeat.

He mocked the assertion that Russia hacked the elections, bringing to light the fact that republicans have made gains elsewhere aside from the executive branch.

Source: Zerohedge

“the Democratic Party lost not only the presidential election, but also elections to the Senate and Congress, where the Republicans have the majority. What is that — also our, also my work?”

“Well, the issue is not who did it but what was revealed by those hackers,” he said. “They revealed the ways the Democratic Party was manipulating public opinion while choosing its candidate. … And after the data was released, the chief of the Democratic Party’s election committee resigned. That proves the fact that the data was true. That is what is most important — not who did it.”

Further twisting the knife into the dems, Putin said “the party that is called the Democrats has clearly forgotten the original meaning of that name” and added that “the use of administrative resources (by the Democrats) is absolutely shameless.”

He even went as far as to invoke FDR into the discussion, saying he’d be rolling over in his grave over the current state of the Democratic Party, clearly taking a jab at Obama who recently said Reagan would be rolling in his had he known many republicans supported Putin.

“outstanding figures in American history from the ranks of the Democratic Party would likely be turning in their graves. Roosevelt certainly would be. They (the Democrats) are losing on all fronts and looking elsewhere for things to blame. In my view this, how shall I say it, degrades their own dignity. You have to know how to lose with dignity.”

Lastly, Putin reminded democrats that “you need to learn how to lose gracefully,” which reminded me of the immortal GREG SOLOMON video which was the destination iBankCoin would send its banned readers for reeducation purposes.

BEHOLD

You wanted to get tough on Russia, yes? Well, maybe we’ll nuke them or perhaps spend them to death, via 1980s style nuclear arms race! Either way, our first strike capabilities must be improved. Indeud.

Much to Mika’s surprise and the fucking cucks at MSNBC (look at that photo of them), Trump doubled down on his tweet, calling for an expansion of the nuclear arsenal, suggesting we’d fuck up any and all who dared get in the way of our arms race greatness.

The United States must greatly strengthen and expand its nuclear capability until such time as the world comes to its senses regarding nukes

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 22, 2016

That tweet x 10,000=

This is actionable. For users of Exodus, stay tuned. I will be making a bold move today. If you’re not a member, take advantage of the free trial by clicking on one of the free trial ads on the side.

Maybe Donald Trump’s evil German twin brother negotiated this deal on behalf of the German bank. How in the world does the DOJ get low balled down to $3.1b from upwards of $14b?  Wait, how about I take a guess?

Total and complete horseshit in the first place.

I’ve always felt the DOJ were being assholes with $DB because of the EU’s outrageous penalty against $AAPL. Perhaps we’ll see some sort of moderation of Apple’s fine in the coming days and weeks ahead? Perhaps.

In the meantime, Deutsche Bank will pay a $3.1b civil fine, plus an additional $4.1b in relief to consumers. Considering the fact that Deutsche had set aside $5.2b for this case, I think it’s fair to say this ugliness is behind them. It’s time to move on towards new forms of ugliness, like Italian debt write downs.

“The financial consequences, if any, of the consumer relief are subject to the final terms of the settlement, and are not currently expected to have a material impact on 2016 financial results,” the bank said.

How wonderful.

Back in February of 2016, Zacks published this dandy of a news story, suggesting that total losses for RMBS were in the amount of precisely $3.1b.

U.S. District Judge Alison J. Nathan rejected Deutsche Bank’s plea to dismiss claims of Royal Park Investments SA/NV that the bank failed to undertake necessary action to push the loan sellers to replace or repurchase the bad loans. The concerned 10 trusts date between 2006 and 2007.

The lawsuit filed in June 2014 by Belgium-based Royal Park on behalf of other investors is seeking class-action status. It was alleged that Deutsche Bank National Trust Company breached contract and violated the 1939 U.S. Trust Indenture Act that specifies the duties of trustees. The bank was fully aware about the numerous deficiencies in underlying loans, including illegal loan servicing practices and noncompliance with underwriting guidelines.

Notably, the 2014 complaint stated, “due to Deutsche Bank’s inaction, the Covered Trusts have incurred losses that currently exceed $3.1 billion, and all of RPI’s (Royal Park) RMBS in the Covered Trusts are now completely worthless.”

Dax futs are flat. Shares of $DB are higher by 42% over the past 3 month. This news is already baked in.

How dare Brian Stelter, so called ‘journalist’ at CNN, retweet an obvious prank by some dipshit named Adam Saleh — over what he sensationalized to be ISLAMOPHOBIA at the hands of a fine American company called Delta Airlines.

The claim by the very flamboyant and effeminate Adam Saleh was that he was merely talking a barbarous version of Arabic to his Mother, to which was met with an unrelenting form of ISLAMOPHOBIA by the employees at Delta, who quickly ferreted him off the fucking plane for obvious fears that he was about to stage a terrorist event by way of hijacking or shoe bomb detonation.

Little did the plebian employees know that Adam was just an effete member of the youtube theatre, playing tricks on the people, hoping to cash in on his adsense ads via his stupid videos. In other words, he was full of shit. A simply cursory google search would’ve produced such valuable information, something the CNN journalist named BRIAN STELTER didn’t bother to do.

Mr. Stelter didn’t bother to do a cursory search on Adam Saleh, instead opting to RETWEET his salacious story, because he’s a very dumb man — a stone aged type of person with savage qualities occupying a very low station in life. Most of the time Mr. Stelter is busy putting out stories about FAKE NEWS, while at the same time creating his own FAKE NEWS. The main stream media today is an active practice of a nonsensical nature, very Kafkaesque for you literary and Orsen Welles aficionados.

Here’s Brian making fun of himself.

The bow-tie less Tucker Carlson calls out Mr. Stelter, and the media as a whole, for being very stupid, falling for the oldest tricks in the book.