Trump to Ban Mercedes Benzes From Driving Down 5th Avenue; Trump Slaps Mexico, Canada With Steel Tariffs — The Fun Continues

In today’s edition of fake news, Trump apparently told France’s Macron that he was going to stop those pesky Mercedes Benzes from driving down 5th avenue, implying he’d slap the shit out of Germany with tariffs.

The catamites at CNBC are quick to disseminate.

President Donald Trump is preparing to block German luxury carmakers from the U.S. market, according to an exclusive report by German magazine WirtschaftsWoche.

Citing several unnamed U.S. and European diplomats, the weekly business magazine reported that Trump told French President Emmanuel Macron last month he would maintain his trade policy with the aim of stopping Mercedes-Benz models from driving down Fifth Avenue in New York. The report didn’t give any further details on what polices would be used to effectively ban the premium carmakers.

The report comes less than two weeks after the U.S. Department of Commerce launched an investigation into automobile imports to determine whether they “threaten to impair the national security” of the U.S. That could lead to tariffs of up to 25 percent on the same “national security” grounds used to impose metal imports charges in March.

Europe’s autos sector was trading lower shortly after the report was published Thursday, with German automakers leading the losses during mid-morning deals. Shares of Daimler, Porsche and Volkswagen were all trading off around 1 percent on the news.

Volkswagen was not immediately available for comment when contacted by CNBC Thursday, while Daimler refused to issue a statement.

The White House did not immediately respond to CNBC’s request for comment.

In other news, Trump is also crushing the people of Mexico and Canada, by imposing evil taxes on steel and aluminum. It is widely rumored that both nations will need to find other things to do with their time now, such as farm for maple syrup or make pinatas in the shape of donkeys, in order to make ends meet.

The United States is likely to impose steel and aluminum tariffs on Canada, Mexico and the EU Thursday, according to a source familiar with the decision.

The source, who preferred to remain anonymous due to the sensitivity of the situation, said the tariff decision is coming this morning and is “99.9” percent done. The U.S. expects the EU will retaliate in due course.

Metal producers in the countries affected had been granted a temporary exemption from the tariffs earlier this year, but they are due to expire Friday.

The tariffs were originally announced on March 1 when President Donald Trump said that the United States was being treated unfairly.

“People have no idea how badly our country has been treated by other countries. By people representing us who didn’t have a clue,” Trump said, arguing that trade trends “destroyed” American steel and aluminum industries.

On Wednesday, a trade delegation led by U.S. Commerce Secretary, Wilbur Ross, met with European Union counterparts in Paris but those talks appear to have failed.

Prior to the expected announcement, the French Finance Minister, Bruno Le Maire, said Thursday that Europe would take “all necessary measures” to respond. The EU has previously said it will impose its own tariffs on U.S. products such as motorcycles and jeans.

Also, Morgan Stanley downgraded MU this morning — because they have no idea what they’re doing and wanted some press.

Nasdaq futs are +10, WTI -1%, Eurostoxx 50 +0.4% and the Euro is +0.3% — because the Italians have been put in their fucking place — back in the kitchen and the garden, where they belong.

I didn’t know him in real life — but I knew him here and inside the Pelican Room, where we had great times — swashbuckling thru these markets like pirates on a ship with a motor engine and Gatling gun. Regrettably, I was informed today he succumbed to cancer yesterday, a battle that he informed us about when he was diagnosed in February of 2018. First it was lung cancer, then brain — never did he utter a word of negativity or complain about his situation. God knows, had it been me, I’d be miserable and paralyzed from fear of the future.

But DMF was a different type of man and I liked him immediately. He emailed me a few times, excited about his trading success — hoping to do it full time. For most people, trading full time is a recipe for disaster — but I really think he could’ve pulled it off. Anyone who saw him trade in Exodus knows how good he was.

This post is the very least that I can do for a man who gave so much to our little community here. For whatever reason, he gravitated to me and the site and was a distinguished gentleman since 2016 — crushing trades the whole time. He was definitely one of the best traders in there and his contributions and positive demeanor will be sorely missed.

He contributed nearly 2,000 comments inside Exodus (sorry about the hyper links, it’s hard coded into the site whenever I write the word) — all of them professional, serious, and sometimes with a little well timed humor. If his children ever google their Dad’s name, David M. Flaherty, I want them to know he was a joy to have around and was a really good man. Everyone liked him.

Here are some comments I lifted from The Pelican Room from DMF that I thought you’d enjoy. RiP David.

His last comments inside The Pelican Room.

TGIR’s tribute to DMFracer hits the nail on the head.

Last but not least, and this is what I’ll remember him by from his time with us: HE FUCKING ESCAPED THE WRATH OF XIV and was able to avoid disaster, unlike myself and many others here.

See you on the other side brother. I hope you’re enjoying some boat drinks right now.

No one went to jail for the financial crisis. Barely anyone committed suicide. Rules were put in place to prevent it from happening again. Now those rules are being raped.

Welcome to Planet Goldman.

The Federal Reserve and other U.S. regulatory agencies proposed Wednesday to revise the Volcker Rule to apply to financial firms based on their trading activity.

“This proposed rule will tailor the Volcker rule’s requirements by focusing the most comprehensive compliance regime on the firms that do the most trading,” Fed Chair Jerome Powell said in a statement. “Firms that do more modest amounts of trading will face fewer requirements.”

The Volcker Rule was proposed during the financial crisis in an effort to prevent banks from speculating in markets. The rule went into effect four years ago and generally prevents banks from trading for their own profit or having stakes in a hedge fund or private equity fund.

Wednesday’s proposal allows banks to have stakes in those funds in order to hedge risks for customers that aren’t banks. The financial firms would also be able to trade for themselves on a limited basis, under the proposal.

To determine the level of necessary compliance, the proposal divides banks into three categories. Those with trading assets and liabilities of at least $10 billion would need to comply with the strictest rules. Banking entities with trading assets and liabilities of between $1 billion and $10 billion would be subject to “reduced compliance requirements and a more tailored approach.”

Firms with less than $1 billion in worldwide trading assets and liabilities would be presumed compliant with parts of the rule and not have to demonstrate compliance.

The proposal also said trading desks reporting an absolute daily net gain and loss for the past 90 days not exceeding $25 million would be presumed compliant with the prohibition on proprietary trading. “The banking entity would have no obligation to demonstrate that such trading desk’s activity complies with the rule on an ongoing basis.”

“All of that is to say, I view this proposal as an important milestone in comprehensive Volcker rule reform, but not the completion of our work,” the Fed’s vice chairman for supervision, Randal K. Quarles, said in a statement.

This is not a total revocation of the Volcker rule — because that would be scandalous and hard to explain to financial reporters. It is a backdoor to looser regulations, a precedent that will eventually pave the way for no regulations and Goldman Ballsachs trading like demons in an effort to self-aggrandize themselves — lavished with exorbitant bonuses.

Last week I doubled up on BILI because I knew it was trading higher. I knew it like a marksman knows he shot you in the ear, or how an ace pitcher knew he hit you in the helmet with his fastball on purpose.

With markets up 300 and the Italian people in EU prison, I like my chances pushing the envelope here with these SOY BOY stocks.

With BITA breaking resistance at $24, I gracefully and violently stepped in and bought MOAR.

I cannot be stopped. Fuck the Stock Gods. I’m in charge now.

NOTE: My $IQ is fucking soaring, as well as my SHAK.

This is the easiest trade in the world — even a dumb baby can do it.

Buy BITA here for the break above $24. If it fails, sell. If it breaks out above it, BUY MORE WITH COCK IN HAND AND EXTREME VIGOR.

BITA has been a straight up piece of shit for a long time; but no one cares anymore. Plus, look at my BILI and HUYA and IQ now. I cannot and will not be denied.

Salesforce dot com blew away numbers again — because the SAAS model cannot be stopped. Technologists and data analysts have hacked the human psyche and are using tech to buoy growth in a repeatable business approach that increases vertically with every dollar invested into it. These companies do not give a shit about the economy, for they have salesmen pounding the phones — making sure Mr. Jones buys.

This is the new boiler room and it’s very profitable and it’s very easy.

Ergo, I added to my SAAS portfolio, which right now only has ZEN, buying HUBS at these levels. Granted, Exodus flagged it oversold a short while ago, with haunting accuracy, I am buying here higher nonetheless because nothing can beat this business model. It cannot be stopped.

Other SAAS plays on the radar include NEWR, VEEV, TWOU, and SMAR.

The EU’s Budget Commissioner, Günther H. Oettinger, has drawn the ire of Italians after his comments depicting markets ‘teaching’ Italians who they should vote for, plainly stating they shouldn’t be voting for populist candidates.

EU’s Budget Commissioner, Günther H. Oettinger, Says Markets Will Teach Italians Who to Vote For pic.twitter.com/CQhbkMUI2J

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) May 30, 2018

EU Budget Commissioner Günther Oettinger’s comments to DW that market pressures could “play a role” in voting habits in Italy have landed him in hot water. https://t.co/EMcjLlBAR4 pic.twitter.com/h9aoVEuauc

— dwnews (@dwnews) May 29, 2018

This statement by the German EU commissioner #Oettinger will probably go down as one of the most infamous in European history. It caused an enormous media firestorm and was mentioned by both Salvini and Di Maio in their plea to fight German control over Italy. pic.twitter.com/YHstq9wkGL

— Alessandra Bocchi (@alessabocchi) May 30, 2018

As one would expect, these comments served as a dog whistle for anti-establishment Italian activists and politicians to take to twitter to voice their dismay.

Dear Commissioner #Oettinger repeat with us, with Italian people “The sovereignty belongs to the people”, not to European Commission, not to financial markets. #Italy is not a colony of Germany, no more!
We #M5SEuropa will defend italian democracy!#ilmiovotoconta

— Rosa D’Amato (@rosadamato634) May 29, 2018

There are only two viable options for @JunckerEU after #Oettinger ‘s outrageous words on Italy.
Either he asks for his resignation or rather he kicks him out of the @EU_Commission. Right away.

— Ignazio Corrao (@ignaziocorrao) May 29, 2018

Mr. Oettinger has since apologized.

I did not mean to be disrespectful and I apologize for this. Read my full statement on my remarks on #Italy in the @dwnews interview: https://t.co/oCDeGkK1gu @RiegertBernd #oettinger

— Günther H. Oettinger (@GOettingerEU) May 29, 2018

This might have something to do with his apology. Juncker distanced himself from the now rogue Oettinger.

The Commission has now put out an official statement by President Juncker disowning his budget chief Günther Oettinger’s comments about Italy. A highly unusual move that shows how seriously they’re taking this. pic.twitter.com/1jj2ZTnp7i

— Nick Gutteridge (@nick_gutteridge) May 29, 2018

There isn’t any cause for alarm. Foreign investors are going to be protected in Italy — because that’s the way things are and the Italians are too weak to do anything about it.

EU's Budget Commissioner, Günther H. Oettinger, Says Markets Will Teach Italians Who to Vote For pic.twitter.com/CQhbkMUI2J

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) May 30, 2018

EU Budget Commissioner Günther Oettinger's comments to DW that market pressures could "play a role" in voting habits in Italy have landed him in hot water. https://t.co/EMcjLlBAR4 pic.twitter.com/h9aoVEuauc

— dwnews (@dwnews) May 29, 2018

This statement by the German EU commissioner #Oettinger will probably go down as one of the most infamous in European history. It caused an enormous media firestorm and was mentioned by both Salvini and Di Maio in their plea to fight German control over Italy. pic.twitter.com/YHstq9wkGL

— Alessandra Bocchi (@alessabocchi) May 30, 2018

There are only two viable options for @JunckerEU after #Oettinger ‘s outrageous words on Italy.
Either he asks for his resignation or rather he kicks him out of the @EU_Commission. Right away.

— Ignazio Corrao (@ignaziocorrao) May 29, 2018

Italian markets are +1.7%, as their ‘caretaker’ Prime Minister eases tensions and subjugates Italians to the establishment yoke. The Italians will likely head back to the polls in July, in order to be ignored again and they’ll continue to head back to the polls until they get it right.

On Tuesday Five Star leader Luigi Di Maio called for a return to the polls “as soon as possible”. Italian media said the elections could be scheduled for as early as July. Mr Salvini and Mr Di Maio furiously denounced the presidential veto, blasting what they called meddling by Germany, debt ratings agencies, financial lobbies and even alleging lies from Mr Mattarella’s staff.

“Paolo Savona would not have taken us out of the euro. It’s a lie invented by Mattarella’s advisors,” Mr Di Maio said in a live video on Facebook. “The truth is that they don’t want us in government.”

Markets like this technocratic approach to rule. Dow futures are +160, WTI is +0.8%, and the Euro, of course the Euro, is +0.8%.

German markets have rejoiced as well, higher by 0.7%.

All is well.

Because the Italians can’t decide on what to do with their pathetic lives, the rest of the world suffers. When things get tough around the world and risk is decidedly off, no one suffers more than the Asians.

Men from the orient are accustomed to hard times, having grown up in the rice patties in very hot and horrible conditions. Some of these people sustain themselves off plastic rice — because the real stuff is too expensive. For protein, they make meals out of maggots and scorpions, devouring anything with moving legs.

In recent years, a great bull market has coerced many of these half naked savages out from the bush and into the big cities — to become stockbrokers or perhaps lawyers. The entire ecosystem is predicated on the world remaining solvent, western markets buying their wares, and people fat enough to avoid wanting to cut off the heads of their leaders.

This Italian business threatens all of that and if I was the leader of China, I’d tell Italy in no uncertain terms that I would send armies to attack them, should they dare mess up the status quo. Since Italians are stubborn and think very passionately with their guns, I doubt this conversation would end well. Whilst we believe the Italian business will rectify itself and the people of Italy will be told the STFU and continue sucking on Merkel’s great big German dick, there is an off chance it might not happen that way.

As such, Asian markets are sharply low, vagabond style. The Shanghai is off by 1.6%, Hang Seng -0.8%, and the NIKKEI -1.3%.

The only other notable occurrence is cryptos — they’re rallying hard and no one gives a shit.