The Important Matter of the Scourge of Paper’d Plates

There’s something inherently wrong with people who insist on serving their dinner entrees on paper’d plates. I can understand the need for brevity during breakfast and maybe a quick afternoon snack. But, woe is me to tell you that serving dinner atop of a paper’d plate is not only wrong, it’s wholly degenerate.

Let me explain.

Back when the Pilgrims came to America, they prepared their 200 calorie suppers on wooden plates and ate with their hands, like savage animals. The natives were even worse, opting to eat from the carcasses of dead animals and the skulls of enemy tribesmen. Then England began to export proper dinnerware and the rest is history.

The Pilgrims would soon farm better and learn how to kill animals in a more efficient way. It wasn’t long before 1,000 calories were enjoyed by all during supper. To celebrate this great and most fortunate bounty, they took their old wooden plates and cracked them over the heads of the natives for looking at them sideways, and then started to eat on the plates imported by their motherland.

Dinner was not only a time of sustenance, but a celebration of bounty and the creativity of mankind. Traveling across the dangerous waters and into savage territory, dodging arrows and spears whilst trying to farm, was an arduous task and it took many men and guns to solidify European dominance over the barren lands of N. America.

This is why, when sitting at the supper table, you should not sully it with cheap and piece of shit paper’d plates; which, by the way, is a derivative of the wooden ones used by the original Pilgrims. If you’re taking the time to cook a good meal, and by this I mean a properly prepared meal, serve it on a nice dish — god damn it. Pageantry is everything and you’re only here for a finite amount of suppers and your forefathers cracked those wooden bowls over the heads of the natives to establish your way of life here — gently cavorting around this giant mass of land in your faggot pants, hooked into your electric devices.

I know what you’re thinking. How does demographics play into this fine thinking?

“What about me — I am from China, or Brazil, or Saudi Arabia, and don’t give a shit about English settlers and their dinnerware in infant, baby America.”

You don’t have to be a distant relative of the original settlers in America to appreciate the sentiment. As I understand it, over in Asia — if you’re caught eating a fine meal on a paper’d plate, they cut your fingers off. In the Middle East, dinner on the birthday of the King cannot ever be served on paper’d plates. Those found doing so will be decapitated.

And let’s not get into what they do to you in Brazil. It’s too grisly a punishment for this PG-13 rated blog.

The next time your wife or husband serves you supper on a paper plate, take my advice, believe me, and simply get up from the table and throw it in the trash, telling her/him ‘I refuse to sully the efforts of my forefathers by dining on this flimsy piece of wood. It is a meal best designed for a reprobate. GOOD DAY TO YOU.”

Thank me later.

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Let’s make this simple.

1. Dollar strength. This spells doom.

2. China trade war.
3. Riskiest stocks heading fast towards recent lows.

4. Catching knives is fucking retarded.
5. Traders have hard-ons for retesting lows.

We’re 400 NASDAQs away from recent lows and the breadth is terrible today. If we gap higher on Monday, I’ll likely switch my bias again. Bear with me as I figure this out. But as I do, I’m doing it with a small portion of my investable dollars. Heading into today, I was 55% cash. Closing out the day, I am 70%. Perhaps that’s what you should take from me most today, uncertainty.

Admittedly, I had it all planned out. I was going to preside over my Thanksgiving table, which would be festooned with festive flowers, and rich foods and meats, proudly declaring to be thankful for having accurately “NAILED THE FUCKING RAM TO THE WALL”, making bounties worth of coin in the stock market. I’d viciously rip into a turkey leg with my teeth and declare the feast to be live and ongoing. While my kids cringed at the moment and slinked into their chairs and below the table, I’d produce a properly frapped champagne and pop the cork into the face of my least favorite guest — by accident of course, and then wildly splash the wine all over the table and over my head. Then I’d crash out of the window, onto the yard below — running off into the sunset en route to the green fields of Romania to spend the balance of my days there, tending to goats and mountain people.

Instead of all that shit happening, I sold out of my SAAS plays now. Losses ranged between -2.5 to -9%. Stop losses will be adhere to at all times.

With some of the proceeds, I bought 3x ark, long TMF — because markets are crashing again and America is a safer haven. Our military might will see to it all buy our bonds, one way or another.

Presently, I am long CANG, TMF, LABD, DBX, DOCU, and TLRY. My cash position is 70%.

My theory: markets crater next week and retest and make new lows. Then we’ll bounce off the lows and rally into Turkey Day.

PROVE ME WRONG, FUCKERS.

I bought some LABD today, because FUCK SCIENCE.

The earth is of course flat and the moon is an alien planet base, hollow and advanced, which will one day fly away and leave our oceans to flood and destroy the planet, just like it did in the times of Noah. You’re gonna need an ark young man, believe me.

Everything is bad, except TLRY. It seems to be behaving very well.

So what the fuck is going on with this chart of the Nasdaq?

I’ll tell you what the fuck is going on. This market is fixing to retest those god damned lows. Any idea how painful that will be? Believe me, a lot. Now we can change all of that shit, with a little verve and positive energy. Everyone form a circle and hold hands. While you do that, I’ll sacrifice the  baby goat and pour its virgin blood over your heads and then light a chicken on fire. Very delicious, believe me. After that, I have these Jim Cramer voodoo dolls that I bought in Haiti. We can stick pins in them and pray to, err “The Gods”, for stock prices to reverse crescendo and lift, the fuck, higher.

I’m getting my cock chipped away at with TLRY. I was up 30 points and now I’m down 5. ‘Tis is life. One second you’re on top of the world, the next a homeless bum seeking out cigarette butts.

Look, I realize you’re confused and do not know what to do. Relax, no one really knows what to do and we’re all guessing and making bets based upon assumption. But you can control a few things, such as position sizes and stop losses. Do not let the smoke from the fires blind you to where you’re trying to go.

Still long a bunch of declining stocks, and also DBX — 60% cash.

My issues look to be somewhat resolved in Exodus. We have a brand new API for data and the latency is very low, and clean, and beautiful. I was out all day, cavorting around Princeton in my corduroys and vest, Americano in tow. I’m not a dandy, mind you. Look at me sideways and I’ll bust your jaw for you.

I see stocks were down and tech down miserably. I sold out of SQ today for a 7% loss and my cash position is now 60%.

I gave back much of my praised and glorious winship in TLRY today. I’d like to blame it on the fact that I was literally not at my desk for a single minute today; but that’s no excuse. I merely looked at it, saw it was only 5% of my portfolio, and decided to let it ride. Had I been at the desk, I would’ve sold it — almost assuredly.

Tomorrow should be a normal day for me and I really do need to unwind a little bit. Between my poor sleep habits, stress at home and at work, Le Fly’s life expectancy is quickly barreling towards zero.

NOTE: Yesterday’s purchase were executed under the assumption that prices might come in. The idea was to be long from now until Turkey Day. That theorem still applies and I will use said cash to double down on my present positions.

Whenever I upload a video to Youtube with Cramer in it, the fagLORDS from NBC have it removed. I suppose Cramer is a very valuable person to attract ad dollars and NBC will be damned if the plebs get to enjoy his brand of propaganda anywhere but NBC. They own his ass.

The big news today: OIL ENTERS BEAR MARKET.

Cramer opines on that, providing some rationale, and paints a grim picture for crude.

Dare I say “BOTTOM”?

Day three of my crisis.

Dear diary

My quotes in Exodus aren’t operational, rendering most of the platform a useless piece of garbage. Since I am without tech, I am forced into the streets with a tin cup filled with money, offering it to the passerby codes-men to assist me. Every once in a while, I get someone to take some of my money — but they fail to fix it. My subscribers are getting restless and soon, I suspect, will begin picking at the castle walls with their rakes and shovels. I’ve tried to temper them with comedic acts and winning stock ideas, and that has worked for a short while — but I can tell tensions are rising and they’re beginning to hate my guts.

At the moment, I have two codes-men having a look at it and one is trying hard, the other, not so much. He does have a real job, after all, and the money in my tin cup isn’t much interest to him.

For now, I press on — very sad and downtrodden. I haven’t eaten in 10 hours and refuse to find pleasure in most things, instead opting for a punitive existence.

I guess markets are resting after yesterday’s ejaculation. Maybe it’ll go to sleep now, wake up tomorrow, and then ejaculate again next week.

What a glorious day. See how much better I am than you, as far as investments are concerned? I’m probably a better writer, faster reader, cook, cocktail maker, joke teller, and have a better sense of fashion too. But that’s as far as I’ll go. I lost my hair a decade ago and that was really sad; but now I don’t give a shit. People ask me, ‘Fly, if they cured baldness, would you slap some hair on that there cue ball of yours?’

The answer is, inexorably, no. Fuck hair and fuck your shampoo. That shit has cancer in it. I wash may head with god damned soap, a big old bastard bar of soap. I’m not at the shave your head baldness yet, as I like to pretend there’s still something there to maintain. But I don’t use no god damned shampoo.

My TLRY is +22 points from this morning. None of you can hold a candle to me, zero.

That being said, I’m here to help, your stock monkey who toils away at the hot laptop spitting out outrageous stock picks for absolutely no reason at all.

In other news, Sessions is gone. Good news for Hillary haters. Finally, that bitch can find herself into a prison cell. Thank God. Also, maybe Trump has Mueller arrested too?

Remember who called this shit, you ingrates.

Good times!

My spirits are rising, with the good fortune of my stock purchases. Markets continue to rise, as predicted, heading towards, and herding tightly, Turkey Day.

I bought the following stocks this morning. Try and stop me. I’ll rip your arms and legs off.

SQ, TLRY, NEWR, HUBS, DOCU, DBX, TEAM.

Cash is 55%.