iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,444 Blog Posts

I Am a Genius, Again

All it took was for the NASDAQ to sperg out +400 to the upside in unabated buying for yours truly to, once again, feel like a genius. Instead of being downtrodden and thinking about the worst, I’m now leisurely sitting in my parlour listening to classical music — pretending I could, in fact, conduct the symphony if I so chose to do so. I could, in fact, do almost anything.

Now with gains of +66bps for the session, I have increased my gains for the week to nearly +4%. To idly suggest that I am back is of course a grotesque understatement. I now view the lot of you, my competitors, as bowling pins and I am holding what looks like a giant bowling ball. HOWEVER, I am not holding a bowling ball — but a fucking cannon ball and I am going to fire it at you and tear you to pieces!

I jest — relax — I’d never shred you to pieces, otherwise who’d come to read my missives every day?

Here is the bottom line: stocks are higher and oil is busting loose. There is presently an end of month fervor by the permanent bull class of investor who is interested in deals. I suspect the buying may continue; but I am cautious at 50% cash.

With a little more good fortune and confidence, I will next perform great feats that will both shock and amaze.

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WE GO HIGHER

I am talking my book here — because if I don’t — who the hell else will do it? I won’t bother offering picks — but overall direction which I feel is definitely up. For the bear-tards out there grappling with this new reality — consider it to be the “calm before the storm.” You can still dream of big fires and America’s financial system collapsing — even if it’s not happening. They can take everything away from you — but your dreams.

On Friday I depart for Boston to drop my daughter off at college. I will then rent a car and drive down to see family in NYC — where I intend to hate the place and its filth. Only people who live in NYC and cannot leave it like it. They will tell you about the wonderful food and the variety and how the theater is “so good” and this and that — as if retarded and not knowing those same things exist elsewhere sans the crime.

It really is over and the societies genteel MEN created have been disabused and ransacked, discarded by those who want more. They work towards its destruction because it reminds them of their failures and the vindictiveness of it all is bad for the soul. I left NYC because I felt it was bad for my family. All you had to do was look around, really look around, past the skyscrapers and the glitz, and the $100,000 cars and $5m apartments and see that there was nothing good happening there.

My family settled in NYC in the early 1900’s and they always “loved it” and suffered in poverty and raised their families under hard conditions — but they had pizza and bagels and the theatre, so it all made up for the endless night’s of pain.

As for markets — yes I believe we go higher and have positioned fully bullish. They tried to knock the market down in August and largely failed to rout it so it’s going back up. You may not like it, nor do I, but that’s just the way it is.

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I Feeeeeeel Like We have More to Go

Before we crash in September, I have a strong feeling of bullishness coursing through my veins now. I am uneasy and have been plagued with nightmares for weeks — but shares of $NVDA must go higher.

I’ve also SOLD MY $BTC — because the conditions of doom from which I bought it in no longer persists. The days of ‘Cash Sorting’ and regional bank runs are long past us and in the future we only have kinetic energy and tumult and toil and spin and yarn and entanglement and joy and sadness and horrors — but no bitcoins.

I have seen the future and in it is a gray landscape strewn with people flailing and scraping and clawing — all seeking for the same thing — the essence of life and truth without animosity — pleasure seekers misguided by the two faced devil.

I can see to it, and I am invested alongside the empire, that my personal fortunes will grow rapidly like a sunflower in late spring, only halted by my own apprehension and the cowardice of my desire for self preservation. After decades of trials and errors, I still manage to repeat the same trials with the same errors — but with less rapidity thanks to a far more persistent tenor to my drum beating.

Into the close and beyond it, I shall endeavor to give it my very best — into the fires and through it — no matter the expense. I am rich in this regard and maintain a magnanimous demeanor about myself — with a singular purpose to leave a trace of something, anything, of importance in my wake. I trade stocks and I blog and I read and I cook and I am a master barista and amateur bartender and I have a whole library of books that I read from and I attain what I consider to be important information about things and places and people — who had causes and feelings of love and hate and made a grand spectacle of themselves living.

I can think about all of this and ponder it very seriously over an estate pipe and whiskey or I can just fuck off and buy $NVDA and tweet all day and night memes about Biden and receive Elon Bucks, from which I can draw from and buy more $NVDA and live simply very wealthy and happy.

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What if You Only Traded Off the Stocklabs Oversold Signals?

Let’s pretend you gave up trading and resigned yourselves to only trade when Stocklabs flagged oversold. You’re old now, partially retarded, unable to trade like you once did. How would this system function for you?

Here are the signals YTD.

The data for buying and selling after 10 days.

3/10: +4.15%
4/5: 1%
4/25: 2%
6/23: +3.8%
8/16: +2.7%

If you only did 5 trades the entire year using the OS, you’d be up in the range of +14%. On the current signal you’d have 1 more day of holding until the cycle completes. Now let’s pretend you didn’t buy $SPY but instead bought $SOXL — because semis are the place to be in 2023 and everyone loves them.

SOXL price on OS/gains

3/10: $14.05 / $16.57 +17.9%
4/5: $15.92 / $15.2 -4.5%
4/25: $13.20 / $13.92 +5.5%
6/23: $21.89 / $24.32 +11.1%
8/16: $20.53 / $23.55 +14.6%

Total return: +44.6%

Think about how lazy a fuck you could be and how much money you could’ve made in 2023 if you only had a god damned Stocklabs membership at $99 per mo?

INDEUD

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WE ARE BACK — FUCK OFF

Look at me strutting into this fucking place — smacking people in the face who get in my way. I know what you’re thinking — “look at this internet son of a bitch.”

How can I prove otherwise? Should I meet you with pistols at dawn and demand satisfaction?

All you need to concern yourselves with is my winship.


LOOK AT IT

If you look closely you will see a $TSLA focus account, which likely gets you really mad — because Elon’s words make you really really upset.

Ha! Fuck off again.

Listen to me, my losing streak has concluded. It was fun to relate to some of you losers out there, feeling the pangs of defeat and being on the losing end of so many trades for the balance of August. But like all things in my life, things need to keep progressing from lower left to upper right. I will have you know, the Stocklabs algorithms called the bottom on 8/16 with an oversold signal. You’re probably skeptical of that too. Trust is a high IQ trait and people who do not trust their fellow man belongs, mostly, to an undesirable haplogroup.

In closing, FUCK OFF and congrats to me for making all of that money — extremely well deserved in light of the generosity I display each and every day.

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THE FLY BREAKS HIS TRADING SLUMP — HERE’S HOW

Good day —

Markets are soaring today and me with it. My gains are electric, +255bps in trading, +300bps in my longer term. I can discuss how I pick stocks — but that would be rote and seeing everything up like it is today — it is not rocket science to understand that I possess gains now with a fully long unhedged book.

The question is how did I come to keep a fully long book and break the disastrous slump? I will tell you now.

Since late July I began to grow a beard. I never keep a beard because I feel that men who don’t shave are slobs. But since I was on my 6th Civil War book and took a liking to Stonewall Fucking Jackson, I let facial hair grow. This was of course a mistake. I also had been trading in my library, which is fine — but I believe it ran out of luck.

Two days ago I shaved my fucking face clean and began trading in my living room. The results cannot be refuted.

Many of you small brained fucked for faces doubt the power of change on the psyche — but it is indeed real and the metaphysical cannot and will not be fully understood. My chart needs to constantly keep soaring from left to right and in times when I am heading lower or static — I feel somber — sad even. I of course have very high expectations for myself — especially since I am so special and unique, deserving even of the very best market returns possible.

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Decent Open; Awaiting to the Chopped

Market opened up 35 NASDAQs, enough to keep me long but not enough to allow me to sell. I, Myself and Me are up 41bps and I’m fully long and giving the market the benefit of the doubt — because I am such a gregarious type of person. The US 10yr is FLAT so my anxiety levels are low. If rates begin to tick up, my pink levels will increase to the point I will sell and run for cover.

Although this is all very nice and good, I fully expect, at some point, the market to be bludgeoned to death. I’d like it to behave and just go up, purely for selfish concerns of mine.

My dogs need to be walked now, so I am going to fuck off. While I am away, please keep your longs and do not sell. I’d hate to come back to wanton losses.

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Since I’m Already Guessing: I GUESS WE GO UP

I barely made it out alive +13bps at the close with a fully long and unhedged book. Look here chief. No one wants the market to crash more than me. But let’s face facts: this tranny govt is strong and they rig things to their liking.

Let’s look at the Stocklabs mean reversion algos, which flashed OS on the 16th of August.

We have gone fucking up and if you see the previous occasion — this fucker went straight to OB, castrating men who wanted to “bang” providing them vasectomy faces.

The way I see it, I have no idea what the fuck is happening out there anyway. I might as well throw darts or draw tickers from a hat. The reason why I’ve underperformed this month, DOWN 11%, is due to my flippe flopping from one bias to the next. I’d like to blame my POW camp styled diet and my TORN ACL for this disaster. However, if being honest, I’ve felt this way innumerable times in my trading career, a sense of deep dread and vacancy. I feeeeeeel as if I have no real direction, a nomad in a tranny world of people vaccinating themselves with poison and rooting for death and destruction — but at the same time profiting from it all via a clowned stock market.

In other news, I shaved my fucking beard — which may or may not change my recent fortunes.

It all makes for great theatre and curiosity.

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Are You Enjoying the Fucking Chop?

I am being spit out unto the pavement with the lot of you. We opened grande and then began to fold and then we ran straight the fuck up and now straight the fuck down. My gains have gone from +112bps to +31bps and I am bleeding out no matter what I do. If I sold everything and had 100% cash, I’d somehow manage to lose money.

This is what we’re dealing with now. I know that this sort of fucking verbiage gets me MUHHHHHH SHADOW BANNED on Twitter/X; but I simply don’t give a fuck. I remember back in the olden days when the troglodytes at Stocktwits used to censor me and email me about “4 letter words.” Seriously fuck yourself and grow the fuck up you invalids.

I am very upset and also perplexed. I was expecting to enjoy a slow day at the office, supremely successful in guessing the right direction for markets. Now I have to work and get real serious and begin to worry and plot and scheme. It’s all so tiresome, only because I fucking suck now.

+28bps at the close of this fucking blog.

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Are you Ready for the September Collapse Fatso?

On about August 1st 2023, I stepped onto the scale and saw I had gained some unwanted weight, in spite of my regularly physical activities. This is most likely due to my gluttonous behavior — eating cakes and cookies like a fat fuck. Angered by this dose of reality, I drastically cut without regards for muscle or being reasonable. Since then I’ve shed nearly 11lbs, as if I was a prisoner of war — more than the weight I need to lose.

While it’s true, there isn’t a night I do not go to bed hungry, it’s also true that life isn’t about having fun and pleasing myself — but instead an endurance challenge. I demolish obstacles and ignore with seething hatred the things that annoy me. Some people tell me of their diets, as if they’ve just re-invented the fucking sail boat. Look here, jackass, output more than you input. It’s that simple. What is your maintenance caloric intake vs the amount you ingest? I don’t need to count anymore — because I am full aware of what constitutes a chicken breast or a teaspoon of olive oil.

The bottom lie is you need to shut the fuck up and STOP EATING. Just fucking stop and when you get hungry like a little bitch — get angry for being such a pussy.

As for markets, I was fully long into the wonderful open and now sit with gains of +72bps, slightly hedged. It has been a cantankerous month for me, so I’m not pushing anything and will bide my time until the eventual and splendid collapse to come in September.

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