Bears Get Trucked by Angry Money Managers

This has to be the most frustrating market of all time for bears. I imagine them sitting in a sandbox, playing with ghetto Jack in the boxes. Each time the rap song ends, the Jack in the box pops the fuck out with a 40 ounce of malt liquor and cracks it over their heads.

We have no business going higher; but who cares? The Empire always wins. You didn’t think misfits clad in burlap, like Zerohedge, would win, did you? Pffffffff. The government is shitting on you fuckers and will continue to do so until you are fresh out of cash.

As of right now, I am at new all time highs and we’re not even done with August. If you would have asked me three weeks ago if I thought I’d regain all of my lost coin, AND MORE, prior to September, I’d fucking laugh at you and spit sprite in your face. This is an impossible comeback for me. I was down 8% in early August and now show gains of 17%, up another 2 this morning.

More than that, for my personal account, I’m cutting dicks off (no homo, odd) with my DECK call position, now up more than 100%. In other words, fuck you little short bus fuckers, “The Fly” raises dominion over your ham sandwiches and slaps you with them.

As an aside, I am about to check the fuck out of this Amish hotel and head back towards civilization, which incidentally is under water, littered with assholes with boats. I swear to God, if I see anyone within a 50 yard radius of me kayaking through my neighborhood, I’m running them over with my Lexus. Fuck the consequences, those people need to die

It’s Darwinism coming into play here, gentlemen, in more ways than 1.

I just got an email from one of you little dicksuckers, decrying my pervious post regarding the hurricane. This woman/man/transexual lamented over my seemingly insensitive approach with regards to Hurricane Irene. What this 7th grade child didn’t comprehend is my post was dripping with sarcasm and was aimed at the idiots who minimized the storm as something worth laughing at.

In an attempt to stoop down to your 7th grade reading level, I will address you directly.

Friends of mine have lost their homes. That’s bad. Several friends of mine live up in the Catskills, where people are being evacuated from the rooftops, as small streams transform into raging rivers, totally wiping out towns. That’s also bad. My sister was trapped in a mandatory evacuation zone and my house is perched on Staten Island, a place hardest hit by the hurricane, and I have no idea if my house has a tree through it or not. Once again, I am against these occurrences.

Moreover, while most of you deviants drank yourselves to sleep, “The Fly” was up until 4am, posting relevant news and information for those who needed it.

If you fail to comprehend my wit, I strongly suggest leaving this site and never coming back again. Sir, you are a fucktard, on a very high level. I spit on people of you ilk and pray to the Gods for your instant liquidation from the matrix.

In other news, the markets are unaffected by the storm and look to trade higher, at least for now. Once again, with my money, I like refiners. I’d avoid tech stocks, since they are in the process of blowing up investors via horrendous eps cuts. If you want to buy dips, make sure your company or industry peer isn’t set  to post earnings. They’ve been arm, head, leg, arm, leg rippers.

UPDATE: For those interested in the events occurring in the Catskills. check out Watershed live blogging. She is doing a bang up job.

The hurricane barely killed a dozen people. Of course the hurricane was soooo overrated,  unless you were one of the unlucky dozen. Or, maybe you were one of those losers who fell victim to flash flooding and now find your homes under 5 feet of water.

Oh, and the media, OMGLMAO! The Geraldo Rivera’s of the world were so busy warning people that the storm would be dangerous, for no good reason. After all, tough men can fight mother nature with their own hands. When the flood waters threaten the homes of said tough guys, they throw cigars and beer cans at it and the water recedes.

I know several people whose homes have been rendered uninhabitable.  Trees slammed through the living rooms and water flooded to the top of their televisions. But who cares right? The media should be focused on Libya or the corrupt nature of Obama, instead of this bullshit hurricane Irene.

In closing, as I sift through my Twitter  and/or Facebook streams, I am so pleased to know there are so many brave men out there, unbending to the will of mother nature. These men are monuments to humanity and should be lauded for their bravery, albeit from their very dry and low end computer swivel chairs. Nevertheless, “The Fly” tips his top hat to you, brave man from the internet, and thanks you for being the backbone of this milquetoast society.

I am not there, so I get to skip over the apocalypse. Hurricane Irene is about to descend upon NYC at 950mb. In other words, this shit is going to fuck up my house, which stands on an island, slightly above sea level.

Last night I packed the bags and headed west to central Pennsylvania, where I am now mingling amongst the Amish, building dressers and shit. I just got off the phone with my retarded sister, who happens to be in a mandatory evacuation zone, who has decided with her boyfriend to “tough it out” with sub pumps and shit.

In the words of the great Shepherd (sp?) Smith, “you better know how to swim for a long, long time.”

I will be domiciled in central PA indefinitely, because I am not interested in being inconvenienced by power outtages or floods. Although my house is not in a flood zone, I fully expect it to be swept away by random and insidious tornadoes. I told my wife and kids, “the house is as good as gone. Let’s go live amongst the Amish.”

Fuck this shit. I can buy 10 more houses tomorrow and 100 new ones in this greatly depressed area of central PA.

If you are braving the storm in NYC, you’re a fucking ape and deserve to swim.

Let today serve as proof, once again, that Plutonium Petey zips through the sky in fucking space ships and crushes U.S. equity markets with absolute finality. While many out there got blown the fuck out during this recent sell off, I managed to pull rabbits out of my magic top hat and surge to annual highs, now +15%.

All of my positions are soaring and I still hold a 23% cash position. I intend, during the next PPT Overbought signal, to lighten up and celebrate vis a vis champagne and beluga caviar. So you know, none of you are invited to accompany me during such an occasion.

As some of you fuck up your portfolios, short banks like an extra special bearshitter, I am here to inform you, without equivocation, this market is going the fuck higher.

Mostly everyone got it wrong because they were scared. I am not hating on people who traded this tape wrong. However, I am calling out all of the dicksuckers who were so smug and giving me shit as the market knifed lower.

A great man once said “The Fly wins all the time, especially when he appears he is losing badly.” I believe such a line is preserved for days like today. Perhaps you should remember it for future reference.

Into the bell, I am not selling anything.

I am up over 4.5% right now, led by insane gains in DECK, WNR, VHC and GSVC. All of you small children who went into today short stock, thinking there was nothing THE GRAND EXALTED BEARDED CLAM could do, are now subject to bowling pins bouncing off your dog-brained head. Ben is throwing them shits at you, whilst puffing on his blunt, saying “I told you bitches I was gonna get you.”

“The Fly”, once again, reigns supreme over you goat fuckers, pushing ALL-TIME HIGHS, now up almost 15% year to date, off by only 1% from annual highs. I’ve been taught no lessons because I already knew the outcome. It’s winship on an industrial scale here, folks. Clearly, I’m not fucking around and I’m definitely not taking prisoners.

The PPT flagged OVERBOUGHT on 8/24, ask my members. Intra-day, it flagged OVERSOLD, with a score of 2.45, signaling a buy with both hands and cock. This is what some call SHOMP. I call it a sublime harmony of mathematical precision. None of you clowns are doing it like me and you know it.

In closing, “The Fly” is talking shit on a grande scale because he can.

I will be busy until mid-afternoon, but will be checking in throughout the morning. Have at it and try to avoid stepping into egregious murderholes.

What sort of fuckery was today? Buffett buys BAC shares, DAX flash crashes and our market dives lower ahead of Ben Bernanke’s speech tomorrow. Frankly, the drama, well, it’s too much. On top of that, Hurricane Irene is barreling towards NYC, threatening to fuck up my house. None of this shit makes any sense to me, seriously. The only thing that keeps me sane is my little PPT, where mathematical precision takes a front seat.

As of 3:41 pm, I am +1.5% for the day, so I’m really not feeling all desperate and shit like the rest of you tech buyers. Nevertheless, this is a dreadful, absolutely horrific, tape.

My only solace is knowing the refiners’ future has never looked better. Oh, by the way, I just sold out of that idiot MTG for a quick .17 loss. Preposterous.

Into the bell, I am just sort of sitting here in awe of this sell off, grateful that I am not bearing its brunt. However, there is always tomorrow! Plenty of time to make up for today’s miss then.

See you fuckers later.

UPDATE: I added to VHC.

I bought 10,000 MTG @ $2.45.

Disclaimer: If you buy MTG because of this post, your wife will find out you are cheating and cut your cock off. And, you may lose money.

That fucking bastard of a hurricane, the DEACON OF DEATH Irene, has radar on my ass and is gunning for NYC now. Remember, I was just in Turks and Caicos and missed her punches by just one day. It was, seemingly, the perfect trade. However, as fate would have it, mother nature has a bone to pick with me, rightfully so. I’ve been a big supporter of natural disasters for many years now, having placed large monetary bets on the sheer destruction of bullshit southern states.

But now she is gunning  for me. What to do?

Well, the good news is, I couldn’t care less about my current living quarters. May she enjoy ripping my house from the foundation and tossing it into the Atlantic. So you know, I’ve already secured dry quarters in central Pennsylvania and will enjoy watching Irene fuck up my house, from the luxury of a very dry and distinguished hotel room.

As this pertains to WNR: BUY, BUY, BUY (No Cramer).

Are you people fucking nuts, selling WNR ahead of a storm that is going to punch NYC in the nose? WOW. This is a refiners wet dream, due to safety of southern refineries, as prices are set to surge. In my estimation, this could be the tipping point for crack spreads, finally forcing asset managers to “get their share” of the billions to be made from fleecing the average shlub at the pump.

Thanks to VHC, GSVC and a benign WNR, I am +1.5% today—putting my year to date gains over 10%.