I’m In

I want you to say dumb shit like “I’ll take the other side of that trade” because that’s what makes it interesting. I will not take offense if you bet against me. Your active participation against my interests do not mark the sands of time. As a matter of fact, your money is so small– no one would notice your attempt to rape the markets, Mr. Small Dick, Big Mouth Fuckface.

I sold out of VXX, taking a 17% loss to the bank.

In addition, I bought YELP, RS, TDC, AKS and EXK.

My cash position is down to 25%.

Whether this attempt at winship will work is to be determined. However, if there is one thing I have learned in my career of ups and downs it is to trust my gut, especially when shit is going against me. Either way, my destiny has already been plotted out for me. I am going to trade the fuck higher, no matter what. It’s not a question of “if” but “when.” With regards to today’s action, I believe that time is now.

Nothing can stop stocks from edging higher, so I will not bother to highlight potential risks. At this stage, it’s ridiculous.

Apple is God’s stock and the market is the sandbox of generous Lords, whose sole purpose on this planet is to enrich the plebeians with electrifying stock market gains.

I too would like a piece of that pie. I intend to take great big bites out of it, with animalistic violence.

Whether or not we are heading for a correction is immaterial to me, at this point. The laws of gravity do not apply to equities. They are sublime, everything that is fair and equitable in this world. I will take it upon myself to buy a great deal of stocks today, even though I will be doing so against my better judgment.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gIynQPc-JA&feature=youtu.be 603 500]

Directed and produced by iBankCoin’s IT dept.

Cropped from the direct descent of actual leprechauns in Ireland, possessors of great wealth and fortune, it is my birthright to drink excessively today, as well as tomorrow. The House of Fly is dressed in green and the pantries are well stocked with stout, corned beef, potatoes and cabbage.

Dare I say, you don’t have to be Irish to enjoy this wonderful holiday. Immerse yourself in the splendour that is the culture of Ireland; get drunk and say something stupid.

All you other fuckers can go, naturally, fuck yourselves.

Cheers.

I started a long term position in YELP.

NOTE: This is one of three companies that I feel can be “the next big thing.”

I take a single day off to relax, clear my mind, spending my time and money at the fucking circus, and the great halls of iBankCoin get hijacked by a fucking Deejay, turning my place of prosper into a degenerate graveyard for the ill humored.

Effective immediately, all iBC personal employed in the IT department will cease and desist from interfering with God’s work here.

As you can see, most of the Costanza stocks that I chose last night are up sharply today. However, I forgot to mention one group: the fucking shippers. Everyone needs the boats to ship all of that shit back and forth between China and San Fransicko, regardless of a Chinese slowdown. Don’t you fucking see what’s going on here? Just do the opposite of what makes sense and you will become billionaires in no time.

Who needs boats when China is slowing?

We don’t.

But for the love of midgets in cannons, the stocks should trade UP on that news. Shares of FRO, OSG, TNK, TNP, FREE, just to name a few, have gone parabolic. I have a few that may run next, but will reserve suchness for the great domain that is The PPT, for now. It’s not like Umpire Fly will ever buy one; God forbid I invest money and lose it. My Lord, the horror and shame that would befall the residence of “The Fly.” I would be forced to live out the rest of my days like a vagabond.

The last thread was getting a bit laggy, on account of the dozens of YouTube embeds. Another hour or so of iBankCoin Radio STARTS NOW (with limited commercial interruption). Without further ado, here are more of your iBankCoin Radio listener requests (continued from PART ONE):

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From JG, to everyone who, like myself, harbors “ambitions az a ridah”:

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An overseas request from Korea, via Heather:

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jmcookjr echoes the epistemic justifications that must be brought to bear when associating oneself with the Dirty South:

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From Eric, “dedicated to all the haterz who think people can’t rap for Jesus”

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From rickybobby, dedicated to everybody working for the man.

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Another classic throwback, this time from surplusdroids:

BONUS: DJ’S Choice, new(er) Rakim w/ DJ Premier:

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Some RHCP (about time!) via iBankCoin co-founder and veteran blogger Woodshedder:

BONUS: I don’t know if Wood likes this song, but I think it’s his style. I like it, anyway…

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Digging the eclectic nature of iBankCoin Radio so far. Credit: Montrose

Sorry to disappoint, but Le Fly’s attending circus with his Kids right now. So guess who’s in charge of maintaining this highly-esteemed blog in his absence? THAT’S RIGHT, MINNESOTA’S FAVOURTIE SON, JEREMY THE IT GUY (aka “THE HOOD’S LAST HOPE”). But today you can call DJ Bilderberg, as I will be spinning iBankCoin reader requests all day. Post a YouTube song or video that you’re feeling in the comments section, and I’ll immortalize it on this here bloggery. I can even do personalized requests if you want to give shout-outs to your peoples via our command of the internet airwaves.

(airhorn airhorn airhorn, glassbreak, airhorn airhorn, glassbreak)

Also taking requests via Twitter: @jeremy_hartley

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From Anton and all of his co-workers at Wu-Tang Financial, reminding all of you Muppets out there to “diversify yo bonds.”

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From Raul3, going out to meth tweakers everywhere, I guess. I’m don’t like Dubstep, but iBankCoin is for the kids…

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From Cascadian, to the rest of the Breakfast Club:

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From grantisplantis to Jeremy and his ilk:

(LCD SOUNDSYSTEM D-D-D-DOUBLEPLAY!!)

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From Omeizer, to the borough of Brooklyn (aka the “borough that keeps it most thorough”):

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From Dishwasher, to all his co-workers at Denny’s:

…and from Dishwasher’s “MILF manager”:

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From Clint to the Prince of Monaco (who, as you know, is recovering from a proper NYC beating):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHkucr1jJpQ
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From pjdempsey to the Pelican Room:

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From Rob T to the everyone at Dubh Linn Irish Pub:

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From Bullish to the wholesome readers of iBankCoin:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wik2uc69WbU
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From Lydira to the Invincible Nations of iBankCoin:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbKXCzcBw4E
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From Trading_Nymph to *cough* *cough* …shit, I forgets…

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From @jeremy_hartley to Rustic Overtones (The song builds up. Listen to it in its entirety, please.):

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From pjdempsey to the UMD Bulldogs Hockey Team

http://www.umdbulldogs.com/teams-mens-hockey.php?id=6535&page=news (They won NCAA div. 1 for the first time last year, but I still think anything from Duluth is automatically an underdog.)
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Email request from longtime friend of iBankCoin @gapandyap to the weekend scene:

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Nas request from wilmer, going out to Queensbridge:

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And now, for something completely different…via muktukchuck

Fuck it. Who am I kidding, worrying about some sort of Chinese implosion. There is no such thing as implosion, just temporary stalemates. There is a certain subset of stocks that have been underperforming because of concerns over China. Plainly, after consuming 20 beers, I can see that my thinking is entirely irrational.

Lo and behold, here is, yet another, fucking watchlist that I’ve managed to conjure up. After all, I am all but unemployed now, professional blogger of sorts, umpire of the markets, slave to my wife and kids.

Here are stocks that have underperformed over the past 3 months, within the Industrial/Basic Material complex.

PCX -24%
XCO -24%
CRR -14%
ANR -13%
CNX -11%
ACI -11%
JRCC -10%
BTU -3%
CRS +3.6%
FCX +4.6%
CENX +5%
PKX +7%
TC +7%
TCK +7%
AKS +8.5%
IPI +9%

Basically, this is the Costanza trade, buying up anything that offers an iota of uncertainty on a macro-scale. Sure, the above companies are all fucked; but that shouldn’t get in the way of a good ‘rip your fucking eyeballs out like a muppet’ rally.

Pardon this blog post, as it will contain the harshest of verbiage and depict great acts of physical and mental violence.

The market is cheap because prices are going up. When prices were going down, stocks were expensive. When SHLD was going out of business, one month ago, the stock was expensive. Now that it has doubled in price, it is cheap. Apple is going to double in value because the fucking innovator of the company is dead and he was holding them back all along. Plus, Tim Cook is in possession of ‘Zombie Steve’ and he knows everything Jobs knew.

The fatness of America has no end, as demonstrated by the share price of CMG. And, let’s not forget, America loves a great fucking deal, via PCLN, even though the company specializes in surprise attacks on its users, sending them to “3 star” hotels rendered inhospitable to normal, decent, human beings.

The crack addict analyst at JPM said China is most certainly undergoing a hard landing. Well, that news is good for stocks, and Apple, because it means more free money. Can you imagine all of the fucking opportunities that will arise once Chinese counterfeit yuan hits the world stage?!? For the love of Christ on Xmas, it will be sublime. Those accounting fraud fuckers will be hoarding more oil, gold, copper and rare earths than ever before. Hell, the price of oil will likely hit $400 per barrel– once China starts their own version of QE.

All of this shit, AND MORE, means we have “no choice” but to buy stocks because bonds aren’t any good. We’ve all witnessed how terrible it is to be a Greek debt owner. For all I know, next time, it could be my head in the basket, long treasuries or other such instruments. I’d much rather keep my money parked in consumer sensitive stocks because when all of the QE hits the markets and commodities spike like fuck, we’re all gonna be rich somehow.

Also, please do not forget, this is an election year and stocks can’t trade down during an election year. This is biblical fact. If you ask me why stocks can’t trade down during an election year, I will just dismiss your question and say “they never do,” equal to the yankees making the playoffs on an annual basis.

ISRG will never trade lower again because we’re going to fire all of our domestic surgeons (another plus for the labor market) and have some Indian fuckers “do surgery” from 10,000 miles away, using “the robot arm.” God forbid they have a power outage in Mumbai…

At the end of the day, everything will trade up, with exception to coal and natural gas. I will explain this to you very simply.

Coal is going down because China is crashing, as we mentioned before. With China heading towards a deep depression, steel demand is nil, therefore, eliminating the need for met coal. As a result, coal stocks suck. On top of that, natural gas is sooooo cheap, causing our utilities to cease buying coal in favor for natural gas.

Why isn’t natural gas benefitting from this classic supply and demand divergence?

Well, I will have you know, we have RECORD amounts of natty and it will never trade up because, well, ummm, we keep drilling for it.

You ponder, “how can we keep drilling for something as it declines in value? And if we are still doing it, why?”

Well, to answer that question I will tell you that natural gas is the future and it is as American as apple pie, with a little fracking juice on top. The drillers are finding more natty everyday because it is going to be in all of our trucks soon.

You ponder “if this is the case, why hasn’t the price of natty traded up, even a little? And, when do you think we will have natural gas powered trucks?”

You are one tough interviewer, I must say. From what I gather, if Obama gets elected, then and only then will trucks run on natty. The other fuckers want to drill for oil inside of your reservoirs, pollute the planet and shit.