CLEAN UP IN AISLE 3

I am sure most of you know the story by now. There was a glitch in the EBT card system that led to ‘unlimited’ spending limits, which led to an all out assault on the white owned corporation of Walmart. As you readily know, the Walmart family fortune is in excess of $115 billion, so don’t feel sorry for them at all. Instead, feel sorry for the people who felt they were getting over by stealing food and provisions from their community store. After the glitch was fixed, these sub-humans left their shopping carts, filled to the brim, with goods.

The net result was a horrible burden left upon the underpaid workers at Walmart to put everything back.

Gentlemen, the solution to the poverty problem is simple: RAISE their taxes. The more you make, the lower your tax rate. Reward success and penalize failure. And, most importantly, by no means should welfare be granted to able bodied men under the age of 65.

NOTE: Latest news from Washington suggests a debt ceiling deal is near.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU3w8AmUFj0

I’m rolling over these bears today, ripping out their large intestines with the wheels from my 1980’s style stretched limo. The truth is, I thought we’d default. I was so convinced of this eventuality I went to an oversized cash position and braced myself for the gloom. However, after seeing Secretary Lew’s amazing performance, chastising the republican idiots into chequemate, I knew the mood changed. As such, I re-committed myself towards the explicit task of basking in the Obama led Gilded era, where the middle class deteriorates into the mud and my calash speeds over them at frightening speeds.

Today’s lotto winners are found in the Chinese burrito sector, namely VISN. I was looking to speculate in that stock at $2.20; now that it’s above $8, I feel like I missed the boat, just a tad.

Look here, lady, I know you’re upset because the bull market marches on. You’d like to see the economy in shambles to justify your meager existence. But you’re going to have to wait for that, so be patient and keep your mood elevated.

Life is a game of chess and you’re playing video games.

Top picks: YY, YELP, TRLA

I really despise that statement: “back at the turret.” Don’t you? It’s a blanket insult to all men in the armed forces who’ve manned a turret before. My job is simply annoying, which is why I choose to ignore it sometimes. Those of you in the business know exactly what I speak of. It’s hard to be an over-achiever 365 days a year. Every so often, one fancies to do nothing but exercise and  listen to gangster rap music, while one’s wife becomes irate over the explicit content of such songs.

Look, the market is beyond annoying right now, fixed on every congressional press release, detached from reality. I’ve made my bed, long and leveraged at 130%, so I am lying in it.

That’s all there is to it.

Whether I will be proven right or wrong is immaterial. Of course I should be proven correct, since my bet is the high probability trade. I go with the percentages and this is my call. If you don’t like it, leave.

Oh, I hope you short sellers rather enjoyed today’s reversal.

Before I delve into the corruptness that is the US congress, I wanted to give you an update on my latest venture. Aside from the Orbital Space Cannon (OSC), “The Fly” has been working hard at the gym, learning and implementing strategies pertaining to the creation of muscle and brute strength, to be used at a later date–strictly for offensive measures only.

Thus far, my plans are working, swimmingly, as I’ve cut body fat down to 12%, while doubling strength. By 11/1/13, I intend to begin the “bulk phase” of my programme, which should last until May, at which point another “cutting” phase will commence through the summer. For those of you who are too lazy to figure this stuff out, just know, 70% of the effort is diet.

Back to the markets: Congress hasn’t done anything yet. Therefore, the markets are getting nervous, and so should you. The retard himself, Ted Cruz, has seized control of our government, like a cheap Mexican coup and has unleashed his policia on the populous (absolutely no racism in that statement!). Brace yourselves for the incredible, for these Palin “Tea Party” extremists mean to take down the nation, in order to rebuild it in the Lord’s vision.

A profound danger lies ahead for us stock market plungers. One could only hope for sanity to infect the small minds of the Congressional brain-trust, so that we, the small people of America, could go about our piddly lives banking millions of dollars off of speculative high beta Chinese accounting fraud trades.

Did I just say that? Something bad is going to happen, isn’t it!

A very common theme I’ve learned to understand is that people tend to gamble their own money like sailors, but prefer to be stewards of austerity when it comes to inheritance or gifts. They will buy Chinese burrito accounting scams in their own accounts on margin, but Disney for their stupid grandkids. If you really think about it, the exact opposite should occur, being that the stupid grandkids are considerably younger and have many years of earnings ahead.

Nevertheless, I understand the sentiment of wanting to gift the kids with something that will be around and can grow for an extended period of time.

There are several prerequisites one must apply when screening for these stocks, the first being dividends. Your choices MUST pay dividends. Do not force me to explain why; instead, why don’t you take my word for it? The second and third are minimum market cap of $1 billion and earnings per share profitability. Discard with the high beta money losers. After all, these securities are for your stupid grandkids.

Lastly, I like to screen for growth when I can. I’ve placed in a minimum growth metric of 15% for revenues and 5% for earnings. In addition, I’ve taken into consideration return on equity, a true measure of a companies vibrancy.

Here are my picks and this is my screen.

QCOM

AMT

INTU

EMN

WLP

ETN

IACI

BX

MTB

BKH

This was designed to be implemented as a portfolio, not singular picks. I’ve found, in my many years of experience, managing money professionally, that having the larger picture in mind is always preferred to the degeneracy of the short lived piker day trader bastard.

I closed the day +1.2%, leveraged at 130% of assets, smoking my pipe filled with the remains of my enemies.

I am not required to say anything else; therefore, I will not.

Good day.

I added to my TRLA position.

The 300 point rally cracked the cement heads of Tea Party republicans to strike a deal. Although nothing has been announced yet, I am fairly certain something will be announced within a week. Now the focus will shift to earnings, then holiday sales. For the most part, retail sales have been lackluster. But, many retail stocks have been hammered in recent months. There is opportunity in the sector.

Gold is being destroyed today because stupid people own it.

I like my chances at adding to gains today. Optimism should continue into the weekend. I can’t think of a reason to be short right now. It is a recipe for capital losses.

Top picks: BALT, YELP, YY, SUNE.

Your mother is a goat-sucking whore! If my stocks go down tomorrow because of you, I am going to fill this fancy box with your testicles (maniacal laugh…OVER).
-SKELETOR