18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
I went deeper into leverage into the bell, buying ALJ. As my equity rises, so does my buying power. Hence, I made ALJ a 3% position today, with the intent to add to it. Crack spreads are improving. But more importantly, the BRENT-WTI spread is widening. There’s also a shot at some congressional epa type action that might ignite the sector on fire. If you don’t know what it is, I suggest spending this weekend doing some research, you lazy bums.
Fully recovered from yesterday’s barbaric losses of making just 0.3%, “The Fly”, ever so gallantly, sashayed (no HOMO, it was done with black coffee in tow) throughout his offices today, celebrating gains. His almighty positions in YELP and TRLA have, once again, yielding magnanimous results. All thanks and praise to the heavens and the Gods of stock for making these wins possible. I devour my enemies whole (no cannibal) in your honour.
I am pressing, mind you, ahead by 3% today. My good colleagues and peers over at 12631 and After Hours with Option Addict are basking in their own glory, as the company time machine is being used rather proficiently and without need for repair.
At the offices of Le Fly, as he’s famously known in France, the black coffee is flowing, rather freely. Gangster rap music is in abundance (extra bass), accompanied by the occasional symphony, preparing for the weekend ahead when unchecked hedonism will take place at The House of Fly. Prepare for healthy servings of the reddest meats and wines the world has to offer. As we unwind our positions, riches will be had for the explicit purposes of consumerism, the finest things in life (extra Treu).
Gentlemen, take your pocket squares out and prepare to use them to wipe the blood from your faces as we rip to shreds the very last bastion of pessimistic bearshitter, residing in the darkest corners of the earth.
Just terrific earnings out of GOOG and MS. I find zero reasons to sell stocks; therefore, I shall remain committed, at an honest and respectable 130% long of my assets under management.
I am certain there are some of you out there who believe I am being reckless by utilizing leverage. Many of you are scared pigeons, flying around without beaks. “The Fly” doesn’t subscribe to courses of action that are of the cowardice vein. I want my gains and I want them to be oversized. Leave me inside Obama’s matrix, where stocks do nothing but levitate, thanks to the computer program BERNANKE.
I will enjoy gains in several stocks today, namely my largest position, YELP; which, might I add, is trading at a paltry 25x sales.
In the after-hours, GOOG humiliated analysts estimates and broke the faces of short sellers in half. The stock is up more than $70, well on its way to $1,000. During yesterday’s session, I lost money by only making 0.3%. This is an unequivocal tragedia¡
Two of my top 5 positions are involved with the world wide web. YELP is trading cheaply, at just 25x sales, while TRLA trades at an astonishingly low 16x. From my mouth to God’s ears, both names will blow the barnyard doors off analyst estimates and toss subsequent short sellers, looking for a ‘quick fade’, into ‘fag boxes.’
From time to time, it’s easy to lose the faith, become fearful of losing money due to success. A great man once said: “success has defeated you.” I do not take my success lightly and will gallop towards the enemy with the same zeal as the brave soldiers who scalped to death the men who were under the command of General Custer.
I am very disappointed. I under-performed the S&P like hot shot hedge fund managers, Einhorn and Ackman, today. I finished up 0.3% (BASTARD YELP and BALT), giving up more than 2.5% from the morning highs. Back in the morning, I was bragging on Twitter about “making your annual salary” upon a 0.2% move in my funds. I was living high on the hog, a glutton of extreme measures. Now I’m just a John Paulson, pathetic loser, underachieving into decadence.
I missed out and will pay for my discretions.
“The Fly” has topped out today. Run for the hills.
I like my chances here, leveraged long, very long, into Halloween. That’s right, ladies and gents, “The Fly” is leveraged long at 130% of assets, pushing the envelope as far as he can, for the explicit purposes of gluttony. I want MOAR gains and I want them now. I don’t want to wait for them to fall into my lap; I want to snatch them, like a purse–from an elderly woman in a wheeled chair.
Don’t read any further than the next sentence. My largest positions are YELP, BALT,TRLA, MODN and NSTG.
Hip-hip-hooray, the homosexuals in congress opened the government and abandoned their hopes to default on our debt. How courageous of them! They’re all heroes.
More importantly, I want all of you to know that I’ve been drinking excessive quantities of coffee again, more so than early grey tea, believe it or not. Before you shame me with idle facts, such as: coffee is the preferred beverage of homeless men worldwide and how it dramatically lowers the dinstinguishability [sic] of the person in question. You must understand, my best returns were had during my most caffeinated moments. Ever since I switched to the earl grey, my returns softened and my will-power degradated. I rarely yelled at my underlings and I let people get away with murder.
Now that I’ve been drinking coffee again, I’ve been punching people in the face, threatening my neighbors with arson and crushing the market like a fat man atop a bag of twinkies. If I could mainline this stuff, I would. But I can’t, so I’ll settle for grotesquely large mugs of coffee, as black as the night, without sugar or effeminate creams. I accept my coffee like America likes its Presidents and criminals: decidedly black.
The markets have spoken. I am sure many of you will do the inverse of what the markets wants, for reasons unbeknownst to me.
I appreciated the theatre. Many of you are true entertainers, reminiscent of olde fashioned minstrel shows. But it’s time to get to work again, banking coin in the stock market like a thief in the night, inside of an unsecured museum of fine arts.
