Cramer’s VIX Guy: ‘The Worst is Behind Us’; Markets Are Poised to Take Off From Here

Cramer’s hairdresser, Sebastion, is an expert in analyzing the completely unpredictable and useless patterns in the VIX index, says the markets have bottomed because his VIX charts said so. In spite of the fact that volatility has been an infantile way to gauge the direction of stocks, bearing no mathematical correlation between it and the overall market, Cramer felt, in light of what he described as ‘Britain’s bonehead move to leave the EU’, promoting the advice of his hairdresser’s VIX opinions is, inexorably, the best course of action for him and the people who watch him every night–in search for clues as to what the market might do next.

After Cramer got done explaining what Sebastion thought of VIX, he pulled a triple lindy dive into the pool of stupidity and unveiled analysis on the VVIX–which is a derivative of the VIX. This is tantamount to playing with your own feces in the middle of the highway and then deciding to light yourself on fire in order to clean up after yourself.

Out of all the boneheaded decisions Cramer has made over the years, to borrow a phrase, this has to be the worst one of them all–maybe second only to his recommendation that Bear Stearns was fishing takeover bids–just prior to its demise.

Markets are set to fucking V shape the hell out of here.

The fucking Federales are out of control, indicative of a savage society in dire need of a northern wall.

Amnesty International is out with a scathing and riveting report on the many forms of abuse being committed by police and soldiers–mainly targeting indigent peoples living out their lives in squalor. Sixty four percent of people polled said they didn’t feel safe from torture. No wonder they want to come clean dishes in America. Their country is a cesspool.

Yecenia Armenta is describing her ordeal. “The [policemen] said they would bring my children, rape them and cut them up into pieces. After many hours of torture, and after they’d raped me, I said I would sign whatever they wanted. They took me down from where they had me hanging naked. I signed the confession – still blindfolded. I never read what I signed.”

Last year Ángel Colón walked free after 20,000 Amnesty activists sent messages to the Mexican authorities demanding his release. Ángel, a Honduran migrant seeking work to support his gravely ill son, had been picked up by the Mexican police and soldiers, and brutally tortured until he ‘confessed’ to crimes he did not commit. As a result, he spent five years in prison and while independent medics confirmed he was tortured, the authorities never investigated his claims. He is still seeking justice today.

Most of the women in prison who spoke to Amnesty International said they were sexually abused, beaten, electro-shocked, touched and groped during detention and interrogations. The vast majority have been accused of organized crime or drug related offences. Many were presented to the media as “criminals” straight after they were forced to “confess” to the crimes. Most come from low income backgrounds, which makes them less likely to be able to afford an effective defense.

Mónica, a 26-year-old mother of four, was gang-raped by six police officers, received electroshocks to her genitals, was suffocated with a plastic bag and had her head plunged into a bucket of water in the city of Torreón, Coahuila state in northern Mexico on 12 February 2013. Security officials tried to force her to confess to being part of a criminal gang. She was also forced to watch as her brother and husband were tortured in front of her.

After the torture, police took Mónica, her brother and her husband to the Federal Attorney General´s Office. On the way, her husband died in her arms as a result of the torture he had suffered. Afterwards, Mónica was forced to sign a “confession” saying she was part of a drug cartel.

Build the wall.

Gross margins at the largest make of rubber footware, produced by slaves, reported gross margins were down 30bps. Revenues were light at $8.24 bill v $8.28 bill. As a result, the stock is staggering lower–off by more than 6%, as investors get out of dodge.

But don’t worry lads, NKE bought back $540 million worth of stock in the 4th quarter alone, as part of their insane, four year, $12 billion excursion into wasteful corporate governance.

Others in their peer group, namely UA, DKS, FL and FINL should fall in kind.

I’ve discussed this issue before and have broached the matter of FL being a generational short, based upon NBA UN-popularity and woeful demographics that cater to an industry wrought with inexplicable inflation. At some point, pricing power becomes an issue. Nike’s core customer is the stock boy at Walmart, who is unable to buy their overpriced idiot shoes, without selling heroin on the side to subsidize his zealotry.

In my opinion, both FL and NKE are shorts.

Markets storm trooped higher today, climbing nearly 100 NASDAQS, in a fun filled session of profit and wanton excess. On the other side of the ledger were the bedraggled microbes who buy and sell VIX for a living. The volatility gauge was effectively and extraordinarily annihilated, falling by an astounding 20% to $19.12.

We’re in an era of decreased volatility, which is why XIV is the best long term investment ever created.

For those of you in the winners circle today, parked in your wheeled chair, holding a trophy with a dozen roses inside of it, GOOD LUCK MAKING MONEY TOMORROW.

At the end of the day, Le Fly is more than victorious; he is magnanimous.

THE ARK FLOATS. It always does. In case you’re unaware, go check your quotron to see what it did today. You’re more than welcomed to drive yourselves insane, absorbing direct blows from a financial system that is teetering on the brink of disaster–trading stocks like a fucking ape. Or, the alternative is to be inside of the gold mine, or atop the ark, free and safe from the troubles currently plaguing the world.

FYI: I ignored the Exodus OS signal flagged on Friday and yesterday, for the explicit reason that I do not believe a 10 day holding period would be worthwhile at this juncture. I will be updating my position on the markets by the end of this week and will be offering some actionable trades soon.

Here we go again. Fred Kempe from the Atlantic Council, which is a Washington DC think tank dedicated towards the “mission to encourage the continuation of cooperation between North America and Europe that began after World War II.” In other words, they are a globalist propaganda arm whose sole purpose is to draw intellectually persuasive arguments to subvert the will of the little people.

Kempe makes the case for Britain to ignore the BREXIT referendum, citing three previous instances in Denmark and Ireland where referendums were ignored. This, of course, will be at the vanguard of the “ignore BREXIT” talking points, trying to persuade people to delay or deny the referendum from ever seeing the light of day.

Expect to hear a lot more of this horseshit.

You know they’re getting desperate when the CEO of a major think tank comes on teevee to blatantly say it’s a good idea to completely ignore the will of the people for the ‘greater good.’ After all, Merkel needs to succeed in forming Germany’s 4th reich, a unified Europe to usher in a new era of prosperity.

Hello totalitarianism.

The market was oversold and it bounced today. The question that you have to ask yourself is will it be higher 3,5,10 days from now? More often than not, when you get shocks to the system like this, market advances are a process, rarely V-shaped. Ergo, chill out and wait for lower prices.

Cashin chimes in and gives his two cents on what we’re seeing. Aside from the low volume, he’s not impressed by the tepid sub 1% advance in the pound today.

After falling by half, shares of BCS are ripping higher to the tune of 2.99%. Additionally, LYG is higher by 7.55% and UBS is down–stupidly.

Over here in the states, JPM is higher by 2.1%, followed by Warren Buffett’s WFC, +1.3%.

After getting punched in the face, repeatedly, low brow commodity broker, FXCM, is bouncing higher by 3.8%. Goldman Ballsachs is 1.7% to the good.

Over in asset management land, LAZ is leading the fray, higher by 5.5%, followed by EVR, IVZ and AMG.

As a whole, finnies are higher by 1.3%. The big winners, naturally, are found in the oil and gas space–based on the prospects of harrowing debt deadlines, which loom large in 2017.

Farage gives zero fucks and doesn’t have an issue making those dogs uncomfortable.

Italian markets are meat balling higher, +4.5%. EUROSTOXX 50 is up 3.5% and WTI is 3% to the good. The British Pound is up 1.4% and U.S. futs are +200.

Before diving into the markets, headlong, ask yourselves this question: is it in the globalists interest to get back to business as usual post BREXIT? It’s not like we’re jumping to conclusions when we acknowledge the fact that markets are manipulated higher, when the ECB openly admits to creating 80 billion per month in order to artificially suppress sovereign and corporate bond yields. With that in mind, if markets went back to normal, other nations might fancy their way out of the EU; and we both know they can’t have that.

Nevertheless, stocks are setting up for a strong bounce today. Keep a close eye on the banks to see if the rally has legs or is setting up to disappoint.

Oh my God, how foolish I’ve been for thinking we’re heading towards recession. All this time, I thought we were barreling downhill towards an alligator infested Disney exhibition. Meanwhile, the economy was ripping tits.

After this super powerful GDP report, those Fed Governors might have to review their dovish stances and consider hiking rates, in order to fend off an overheating economy.

Gross domestic product increased at a 1.1 percent annual rate, rather than the 0.8 percent pace reported last month, the Commerce Department said on Tuesday in its third GDP estimate.
First-quarter GDP growth has now be revised higher by six-tenths of a point since the advance estimate was published in April. The economy grew at a rate of 1.4 percent in the fourth quarter. Economists polled by Reuters had expected first-quarter GDP growth would be revised up to a 1.0 percent rate.

There are signs the economy has regained momentum in the second quarter, with retail sales and home sales rising in both April and May, even though business spending continues to struggle and job growth has slowed.

Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen told lawmakers last week that data pointed to “a noticeable step-up” in GDP growth in the second quarter. The Atlanta Federal Reserve is currently estimating second-quarter GDP rising at a 2.6 percent rate.