“The Fly’s” Friday Surprise

As I stepped onto the dirty snow, on the way to my destination, a man with a long gray beard accosted me asking for twenty five cents, so that he could “buy some food.” Quickly, I shoved him away, exclaiming “go get a job you homeless bum.”

I entered the building, my destination, which looked like an old widget factory, prior to when workers had rights. The walls were painted dark blue and the ground was covered with grease. A young man, with a 3 day old beard, approached. He asked: “How can I assist you?”

I told him my business and how he could be of assistance. He complied, but informed me that his services would cost a great sum and it may take awhile to complete.

I was anxious and had little time to fuck around with idiots. I shot back: “Fine, but be sure to do it right.”

This was all happening around noon. The streets were covered with snow and crowded with obese people, who were constantly feeding themselves heart clogging slop, while talking on telephone machines. I chose to stay inside of the dreary building, instead of outside where the fat people roamed. After all, I had business to conduct.

There were machines running non-stop and underpaid workers scurrying back and forth, desperate to complete their task. I was amazed by the working conditions, which were sub-standard by any measure, sans the lower income factories in Bangkok.

Four hours passed and the job was not complete.

I approached the boss (Bob) of the operation and quizzed him: “Hey you, when will it be done? I have things to do, you know.”

For ten seconds, Bob ignored my statements. He was busy shuffling through papers and giving orders to his scrawny looking underlings. There was a certain destitute undertone to Bob’s voice, when he barked orders. Suddenly, he responded: “15 minutes.”

Content with his answer, anxiously, I waited in a small cigarette scented room, sitting in an aged Orwellian chair, watching the news of the day on a pre-LCD era tube.

Another hour passed. By now I was fuming with rage. I was checking my telephone machine for messages from work and the condition of my common stock portfolios. Much to my chagrin, the trading day had worked against me, in a very subtle, benign sort of way. It’s the type of day that can kill someone, without him even knowing it.

The greasy door swung open: it was Bob. He said: “It’s done. Follow me.” Obviously, Bob was a man of few words.

Before I had a chance to retort, the greasy door had shut. I opened it and followed Bob, like a dog chasing after a can attached to a bicycle, until he reached his desk.

Bob said: “you are lucky we could finish the job in this weather…”

Quickly, I interrupted Bob and slapped him in his face and roared: “give me my fucking car keys asshole.”

For 2009, I will make a sincere effort to cast away all inverse/upside etf’s. They are a disease on Wall Street. They represent everything that is stupid in finance, from the leverage to the asinine ways they are calculated.

While it’s true, being long 10,000 SRS on a 9 point day can be fun; it also can twist your stomach into knots when the opposite occurs, going up. For the love of large intestines and sanity, in 2009, “The Fly” will “go old school” and start short selling individual names directly, rather than through proxies.

Today is options expiration, so expect to get jerked around all day. The auto bailout is a fucking joke and the Treasury is about to steal another $350 billion from the U.S. tax payers.

What else is new?

As you know, I was supportive of the original TARP program. Many of you were against it and you were right. I thought the money would be used to provide liquidity and help the economy get going again. However, thus far, it appears the banks are hording the cash and/or using it for bonuses (GS) or to make acquisitions. And, to boot, there is no oversight. No one really knows where the money is going.

To put it plainly: Paulson and Co. are fucking ransacking the treasury and no one give two fucks and a gay fiddle about it, sans some dick head bloggers.

Into this strength, I want to short a little more XOM and KIM. In addition, into a significant oil charge, I will short more RIG.

The reason why I chose to short XOM, instead of a lesser name, is due to volatility. Shorting XOM, north of $81, represented little upside risk, whereas, shorting a stock like GMXR or NOV could easily rip my face off in a matter of hours.

The play on KIM is pretty straight forward: their tenants are liquidating. It’s just a matter of time until some of the lesser quality REITS run into some cash flow issues.

For now, I’ll just sit here and wait.

Unwind, go to cash and enjoy the -40 degree weather outside. I’ve had enough of the market. It’s like one big fucking soap opera, with rescues, panics and ponzi schemes. There are diabolical characters and heroes. Then, there is the innocent bystander who gets hit by a speeding Mack truck. Naturally, the driver is drunk, while doing lines of blow off the dashboard.

I’m selling more of my longs, in order to restock my cash position. Oil and other commodities are in the midst of a death spiral and there you are trying to catch the falling knife. Never catch the falling knife people, unless of course you are buying MVIS into CES.

My coolest position, by far, is short KIM. Within months, I believe that bitch KIM can find herself in a very bad vacancy situation, causing her shareholders to be maligned with greatly deserved grief.

At any rate, my take is to fade this rally. Then, go take a nap, wake up at 3pm, in order to buy a little FAZ into the close— like a rat in a cage made from sweet corn.

NOTE: My UNH is still working.

I just finished my 5th round of Christmas shopping, this time at Macy’s.

Everything was marked down 50%, with an extra 20% off, providing shoppers use their stupid credit cards. In the past, I was accustomed to long lines and stupid people at the registers. However, tonight, the lines were short, the cash slaves were smart (probably former Goldman Sachs traders) and the mood was grim.

But nothing beats the depressed nature of TJ Maxx. I went there a few weeks ago and was fucking astonished at what the cash slave said to me, and I quote: “sign up for a TJ Maxx credit card and get a free 2 liter bottle of Coke.”

I couldn’t resist the opportunity to zing her; I shot back: “Are you kidding me?” I continued: “You have no idea how bad it is out there. People are losing their jobs and you’re nuts for offering me 2 liter sodas.”

Shortly thereafter, I was escorted out of the store by Mrs. Fly, who was somewhat embarrassed by my outburst, to say the least.

How does this pertain to the stock market?

Fuck you. How about that?

Dude, it’s like 12:30 am and we have like 2 weeks left in the trading year. Do you think I want to spend my time giving stock picks, in a stupid tape? Please.

Everything is stupid anyway, with moronic red nosed clowns manning the trading turrets, at major shithole banks.. Here a bottom, there a bottom, everywhere a bottom—bottom.

Anyway, I am a huge believer in starting the new year with new ideas, which will lead to quick success. If you start the new year with a bad streak, it can become an albatross around your neck all year. Over the next two weeks, I will unveil my strategy for 2009, along with useless predictions, which is always fun. Furthermore, I will award the “Asshat of the Year Award.” If you recall, last years winner was Angelo Mozillo, deservedly so. Just so you know, I already have a winner in mind. None of you will ever guess who he is.

As for tomorrow:

It’s options expiration, so anything goes. Keep in mind, the bears are weak and old. They do not like to hold shorts over the weekend, since the God damned government likes to cut deals on Sunday night. Into any morning strength, I may slap on a few upside trades, possibly in TNA or FAS.

Or, maybe I’ll just do nothing and eat sandwiches all day long. You’ll just have to tune in to find out what “The Fly” is up to.

That fucker was on the teevee yesterday exclaiming the virtues of “Barack the Builder” and all of his grande [sic] infrastructure plans. After all, Barack is going to take his magic wand and turn everything new again.

You know that rusty tool box in the garage? Well, Barack will wave his wand and turn it shiny and shit again.

There is something to be said about how bad, and I mean this, that man (Cramer) is at picking stocks or timing the market. I know it’s very unbecoming of me to talk shit like this, but fuck it— it must be said. I am hating on him right now, in a very egregious way. Don Harrold seems to be on some sort of lazy man vacation, so I will fill the vacuum, needless to say.

Heck, Jim is so bad at picking stocks, one would think he was schooled at some place where wreckers of financial capitalism are made (rim shot!).

Into the close, I did nothing. I still own a shit load of longs, including GE, ABX and TNA. However, my shorts, newly “reinvigorated” more than made up for the long side deficits.

In summary, fuck crude and the fucking boats they ride in.

Pardon me for not blogging this afternoon, I was busy having my fucking files thumbed through, by some asshole auditor. Don’t worry, it is nothing to worry about; just your standard “fuck you, show me your files” annual audit.

I see the market shit the shower: good. I fucking hate the market and wish death upon those who believe in “cycles” or that oil is “cool at $37.” After all, XOM is making so much more money on their fucking crude, at $37 instead of that dreadful $145—in backwards world, that is.

In the morning, I sold out of my last FAS and loaded up on SRS, DUG and SMN. I bought a little more FAZ too. Hey, remind me to never buy 200% and 300% etf’s. Thanks.

In addition to etf’s, I shorted some RIG and KIM.

Into the close, I expect the market to knife lower, closing down between 200-300 points. There is a lot of pain being inflicted to the small men in leotards today, via a reversal in “Barack the Builder” stocks. The infrastructure story, although interesting, is entirely over hyped and will be crushed by municipalities going kaput.

Bottom line:If this market reverses again and goes higher, I may be forced to unload a few howitzer shells in my fucking face, if you know what I mean.

China’s economy is crashing, as evidenced by the incessant weakness in oil/coal. Soon, we will learn of pleasant news, such as California’s pending bankruptcy and sky rocketing unemployment—God willing.

Within commercial real estate, more than 125,000 stores will be boarded up in the first half of 2009. To fill that void, well, there is nothing but PNRA and a few local banks. For the most part, banks will not be opening up new branches, like in past recessions. And, SBUX is no longer in the business of opening new stores.

Let’s not forget big chains like Linen and Things and CC will soon be home to thousands of rodents and homeless dudes.

So, where will KIM, VNO and BXP make their money, if their fucking tenants are digging their own graves?

Answer: Government soup kitchens.

Look, men like Cramer are assholes. I really needed to express that. I mean, this old fucker was screaming for everyone to sell X @$27, right at the lows. Remember that? Now at $40+, he is telling you to “get on board the Obama infrastructure play.” WTF?

He is a fucking idiot, of the first order. He is always wrong and should be faded, 95% of the time—with the blessings of all of the stock Gods.

There is a danger listening to the “glass half full” crowd. Incidentally, they’ve been EXACTLY wrong about everything, from the beginning of this crisis, up until now. All of the crazy eyed bears, like “The Great Roubini” and Meredith Whitney, have been 100% right, thus far.

Why bet against them, now?

Nonetheless, I am sure the bulls have some more to throw at this thin tape, so be ready to get long for the scalp. However, in my opinion, until proven wrong, these rallies should be taken out to the back, in order to get its fucking brains blown out.

I sold short 5,000 XOM @ $82.13.

Disclaimer: If you short XOM because of this post, men with blue turbans will blow up your local gas station. And, you may lose money.

I sold 10,000 CBL @ $7.53.

I sold 10,000 FAS @ $26.95.

I sold 5,000 ABX @ $36.35.

I sold 20,000 URE @ $7.05

Today’s action is incredibly bullish. Soon to be defunct hedge funds are just throwing Haily Mary’s here, trying to save their careers with leveraged long trades. Fucktards, like Jim Cramer, are stoking the fire, in order to help these idiots stay in business, with dog mouthed bullish bullshit rhetoric.

Anyway, there is no point in fighting the current trend, no matter how much you hate it. Instead of bitching and whining, why not take some money from the midgets who are getting hit with shovels?

I told you the homos at M have a rock solid line of credit. Regrettably, I own all but a token position. Nonetheless, the stock looks poised for $12-13, near term.

Also, I like gold for a trade here, specifically GG, ABX and RGLD.

Some finacials can be bought here. You know those bastards will try to goose step C, up to $10. And, you know AFL can go higher, just based upon those idiotic commercials.

Despite hating “the inflation story,” UYM, MOS, CF and POT are working.

And, finally, oil stocks will not go down, despite $40 crude. I cannot get behind any oil stocks, so sorry.

Keep in mind, the fundamentals of the market are horrid. At all times, you should pair your longs with some shorts, like FAZ or even SRS. Or, if you are sick and tired of the 200% fuckery, get short VNO and WFC.

To sum up this article: get in the idiot box and scalp some longs.