Thattaboy

You little devils fell right into the trap.

Enjoy the luxuries of the vice, for the remainder of the day.

Developing…

I want to squeeze some of you short sellers for pagan X-mas. Please, I insist that you believe all of the nonsense disseminated by men who have NO FUCKING IDEA what they are doing in the market, by way of short selling equities, right here. The internet is a fascinating place, if you are into low-end think tanks that only focus on negativity. Tell me, how many of these so called financial bloggers have been bullish throughout 2009?

Answer: Only iBankCoin.

I will have you know, there are strict standards upheld here on iBankCoin. Gone are the days when strange men, dressed as male hookers, grabbed an opportunity to blog here. During 2010, I will have this blog audited for performance standards. Granted, none of this information will be disseminated to you, the internet moron. Instead, it will be for my eyes only, in order to properly monitor the advice given on the site. Mediocrity will not be tolerated.

It’s simply not good enough to tell people what you are doing. If you want to write for this site, bring your fucking A game or go home.

I like oil/gas stocks here, specifically my top squeeze play ATPG , which has been #1 rated on The PPT all week long.

Also, at these levels, I like PKX , SHLD , SD, GMCR, FLS and GROW. If gold rebounds, GROW will rip the tits off of those who sold it short.

iBankCoin is launching its second premium service this Sunday, just in time for pagan X-mas. Like The PPT, The Power Dip System relies on the laws of mathematics to cherry pick stock ideas.

Over the next several days, we will update you with details about the system, with regards to pricing and how cool it will make you look when hanging out at your local Starbucks while sucking down some bullshit coffee— surfing the PDS “open picks” page.

Here are today’s picks, courtesy of Mr. Woodshedder aka HOLLY-Wood.

RC is hosting the “3rd annual madstocks contests” (whatever the fuck that means). Go make your predictions and win a really crappy gift in 2011, as a result.

The market shall NEVER breach today’s lows, for the remainder of 2009. From here, we shall shoot up and stomp mud holes in the bears, while eating caviar and slapping our underlings with live lobsters. We shall all be rich and walk around with canes and top hats, offering polite greetings, like: “Good day to you Sir,” while mumbling “fuckface motherfucker” very subtly to our neighbors passing by. Not to mention, we shall throw apples, in secret, at firetrucks who park in front of grocery stores.

The shopping mall will become a place where we go to unwind, via purchasing wasteful bullshit at Fendi and Gucci, mainly out of sheer love for overpriced fashion.

Ladies and Gents, prepare for BROKEN ROBOTS.

Having my largest position, Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] , up on a day while gold is getting eviscerated is making me blush. People are approaching me, congratulating me for defeating Professor Gint; but to be honest, it isn’t necessary. Please, I insist, no autographs. “The Fly” is as humble in defeat, as he is in victory.

My predictions of higher natty, lower gold and higher Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] was pure luck. I was simply taking shots in the dark, while playing with my molasses bottles.

As an aside, I know what you dipshit dollar lovers are thinking. You don’t like the dollar. No, you are far more nefarious than that. You hate America and want to see it destroyed, so that your miserable existence can be justified. After all, misery loves company.

The good news: some stocks are becoming attractive again, like POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , Mechel OAO (ADR) [[MTL]] and Flowserve Corporation [[FLS]] . On this dip, I will use The PPT to time new buys, when the score hits the mid 2.20’s. If you are wondering where the score is now, fuck off and chalk up enough dough for a subscription.

In short, “The Fly” is winning, even when down for the day, which should be no surprise to any of you. I look forward to defeating future enemies or friends in other inane pointless challenges, all here on the fucking internet.

It’s too much to bear. The opera singers, who short stocks dressed in burlap dresses, are cheering on the dollar, in order to kill the rally. How ironic, no?

These fucking bears will do and say anything to send stocks lower. Dickbags, like Rick Santelli, are sucking the dollar’s dick, not for God and country, but for TIMBERRRRRR trading action in stocks. What the fuck is wrong with you assholes? First, you idiots want the dollar dead, due to your belief that it will rape stocks. Then, after seeing that strategy fail, you root for dollar strength. Fuck off, coffin stuffers.

By the way, is anyone else having problems with Blackberry email service? This phone is a piece of shit, no wonder Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]] is a piece of offal.

[[YONG]] priced a secondary and many of you are scurrying about with questions. Let me make this clear for you: I do not trade one position at a time. In order to understand my methods, you need to have a bigger dick and a lot of testosterone. Sell offs do not scare me, nor do they encourage me to do something stupid, like double down. Granted, I fucked up with Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . But, I am entitled to make mistakes, especially after taking into account my track record. It is a sign of ingratitude and disrespect for any of you assholes to mention it to me, considering I have lost a lot of money in the stock. The next one who mentions it, even to make a point, will fall victim to “expeditious mustache removal,” via jelly donut punch to the face.

I’m not buying this dip, because I don’t need to. Whatever is happening today, you know with the sell off and all, is temporary.

Off to buy a few more Keurigs.

Ben Bernanke and company saved the economy from assured collapse in 2008. Many of you— libertarian brain-dead type— hate the Fed and their money printing ways, for a variety of “independent” reasons. However, when thinking about what the Fed did, ask yourself this question:

If you were diagnosed with terminal cancer and was given 3 months to live, unless you took an experimental drug that could prolong your life indefinitely, what would you choose, death or hope?

It really is that simple. Argue all you want about the banks mugging people in broad daylight or how Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] fucked Earth something awful. You know damn well, during the height of the credit crisis, when shipping rates plunged 99%, fuckers were going to start starving then rioting. Call me crazy, but I prefer an orderly death, to the tune of 80%+ personal (long only) stock market gains.

I bought 10,000 Lennar Corporation [[LEN]] @ $12.60.

Disclaimer: If you buy LEN because of this post, someone will steal all of your gold bars when you are fast asleep. And, you may lose money.

“The Fly,” with the begrudging help of his underlings, has been preparing for a BROKEN ROBOT X-MAS trading session. I declared: “The fucking robots are going to break down ok, PREPARE for that eventuality.” People just sort of looked at me like “WTF should I do now?” It pains me that no one else sees the writing on the wall. “Thank God for KING COCK,” famous words spoken by many at the dinner table.

America needs capital gains. The government wants you to swim in gains, until 12/31/09, so that they can take a percentage of them from you during tax season. They are going to throw the kitchen sink AND MORE at this market, in the name of generating revenue.

Let it be no surprise iBankCoiners, when the fucking robots break down for X-mas, you will know what to do.

Personally, I’ve established positions in shoddy retailers, like Sears Holdings Corporation [[SHLD]] , mainly because there are scores of people—and I mean scores, short the name for the holidays. ‘Tis not the season to be short, fa la la, la la, la, la la la la or some shit.

At the moment, my Chinese slavery plays, [[YONG]] and [[HEAT]] are taking a breather; but that’s okay. They don’t believe in X-mas anyway. We’ll worry about them later.

For now, I must embrace positions like ATP Oil & Gas Corporation [[ATPG]] , Sears Holdings Corporation [[SHLD]] , Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] , Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] , SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] , Flowserve Corporation [[FLS]] and even U.S. Global Investors, Inc. [[GROW]] , because Santa Claus is a big fan of said names.

Okay, “The Fly” must go now. He has many things to do and people to belittle, in real life.

See you Sears suckers in about 2-3 hours.

UPDATE: A word on gold.