THE DOGS OF HELL HAVE BEEN RELEASED ON VIX INSTRUMENT PRODUCT OWNERS

This didn’t turn out as you planned, did it mate? The dogs of hell have been released upon you. Markets are trending higher, despite earlier weakness in crude. In a nutshell, you’ve been had and now your face is a chew toy.

I believe this rally will continue till Wednesday, then reverse to retest the lows. Of course I’m just guessing, merely using my reservoir of vast experience to navigate these troubled waters, might I add, with sublime and harmonious precision. Then again, I am sure all of you predicted this would happen back in April, like me, calling for a major rally in TLT. Yes?

I didn’t think so.

As I write this my largest position is careening lower, based off some trial decision. God damn it, I hate the courts.

Nevertheless, the market still has lift in it and those TNA positions should profit over the next few days.

Off to deal with a crisis.

Post IBM, the market was supposed to crash. But it didn’t–boo-hoo.

Oil is lower, which makes me uneasy. For the moment, my FMSA purchase looks like an act of genius, as I am up 21% on the position since I purchased it on Thursday. It reminds me of when I was buying WNR, circa 2011. Do you remember that? I was on vacation in Turks and Caicos and the market cratered. My WNR went from $17 to $11 in a flash. I bought it up down there and before I knew it, I was selling it north of $20. That stock, eventually, went north of $40, where it resides today.

In addition to FMSA, I am up nicely on MBLY, AAPL, GILD, ICPT and SGEN–just to name a few.

My top 5 positions are TRN, FMSA, MBLY, CYBR and CLR. Only TRN is greater than 10% of my assets, so everything is pretty drawn out, diversified over many sectors, and market caps.

I’d like the market to not give back the 275 pieces it gained on Friday. That would be a pleasant start to the week. On Friday, I was up 1.9% for the session and right now I am up 0.9%, down about 1% from my intra-day highs. I’d like to keep these gains too.

There is winship brewing in this market. You just can’t see it yet.

Great floods will be avoided this winter, as the rivers and the lakes freeze into solid mass. The hurricane season will be non-existant by November, as the country prepares to feast on large birds and seasonal squash. The Turkey Gods will make an appearance on the NYSE and swallow one trader whole, as is the custom during that time of year. Shortly thereafter, a buying frenzy of discretionary goods will sweep the nation, with little children running about–asking men with giant white beards to buy them things.

Rumors of flying reindeers, with incandescent noses, will run rampant and the Coca-Cola corporation will propaganda the idea of strange fat men breaking and entering the homes of millions of Americans to be, not only an acceptable practice, but preferred.

And the stock market will trade up on most days, down on some. There will be periods of panic and greed, hedged by periods of consolidation. Men will be broken over the knees of Mother Market, like stale pretzel sticks, for not exhibiting patience. Persons of little to no experience will make great strides early on, then lose everything, AND MORE, during downturns.

This cycle will repeat itself for all of eternity.

The recent downturn in the market, coupled with the surge of VIX instrument users, has motivated me to conduct research into what is causing people to behave in such an irrational manner. Despite the irrefutible evidence, empirical in nature, stating that 99.9% of VIX trades will result in horrendous capital losses, I took it upon myself to understand why the Twitter, the Stocktwits, and The iBankCoin comments section was littered with ‘kamikaze’ styled traders who believed ‘this time would be different.’

Without further delay, I am proud to announce my findings.

At first I thought there was a chemical imbalance in the brain that led to irrational behavior. I examined levels of serotonin in my subjects (do not concern yourself, I am a Doctor); but this study proved to be inconclusive. I then experimented with electric pulses and the “amygdala” part of the brain, the part responsible for fear. Regrettably, our research ran into significant road-blocks here too.

We then experimented with neurotransmitters and became emboldened by our findings.

In 97% of our subjects, persons exhibiting ‘acute mental disorders’ emanating from a malady in the pre-frontal cortex, we found they executed VIX instrument product trades when left to their own volition–despite empirical evidence stating this was detrimental to their financial well-being.

What does this mean?

This means, through proper surgical means and partial removal of this part of the brain, the subject may, at some point in time, lead a normal life. Naturally, of course, our research is in its nascency and there are aspects of this illness that we are becoming acquainted with each and every day. But, I am pleased to inform you that electro-shock therapy is no longer needed as treatment and we are now on the cusp of revolutionary, break-through, treatments–that will benefit the good of mankind for centuries to come.

Dr. Fly, 2014.

After the gym, instead of drinking a glass filled with chalky protein powder, I will drink an entire, mind you, bottle of red wine (white is for women). As of late, I’ve been getting into the Nebbiolo grape, instead of my preferred Bordeaux. To pair the red, I will grill up a 2 1/2 inch thick ribeye, heavily salted, lightly peppered, served medium rare.

Do you know why I am going to do this, aside from the fact that I can? It’s because the mother-fucking market tried to rape me this week–but I escaped intact. At the open of yesterday’s trade, I was at the lows, down another 2.5%. But I closed up almost 3%. This morning, I gapped up 4%.

These are significant returns, lads. I didn’t endure the sort of fucked up draw-downs that many of your neighbors had, because I was old manned up in utilities and REITs.

So, having said that, still up 1.9% for the session, I deserve to celebrate the great feat of avoiding my own rape.

I know it’s a hard time to invite you, but I will do so nevertheless. Come out to Vegas this November 8th and join the crew, hosted by Ragin Cajun, Jeff Macke, and Howard Lindzon, with keynote speeches by our very own Option Addict. Now more than ever, it’s important that we figure out these puzzles, whilst throwing people off balconies, for the sake humanity and all that is good with capitalism. We endeavor to assist you in this quest.

In other news, the good folks at iBankCoin have just about finished their first Income Report, soon to be release to the massing hordes. This report will be given gratis to all of those attending the November 8th investors conference. The contents of the report have been thoroughly curated by Caine Thaler, trained mathematician, a gent who works until midnight, each and every night, on the 9th floor.

Here is a sneak peek.

This report will be a premium service of iBankCoin, issued quarterly for the explicit purposes of analyzing companies for their dividends.

I was out all day, as promised. I left up 4% for the day. Now I am barely up. Sharp reversals everywhere, yet the market is still up more than 200. During that time, Obama appointed an ‘Ebola Czar”, who has zero medical experience for a disease that has afflicted a handful of people in the United States.

This is a process. I don’t expect it will be easy.

Take a look at CLR. It was up 3 points in the morning; but now it’s down. The fundamentals suggest it’s worth more than $75. So should I be concerned with just one day’s trading action? If I was a neanderthal and had just two pennies to rub together, than I’d be beguiled with today’s misfitted action. But gents, need I remind you to never bet against Le Fly, for he wins even during defeat?

This process will play out. We might even retest the lows. But, rest assured, this market will be supported by our friends at the central banks and we will hit new all-time highs before the year is out.

I know I am buying this into a frenzied rally. But I’ve been wanting to own this stock since it came public. If it dips 10% from my basis, I will double my position.

I bet you thought you’d come to iBankCoin this morning and “that rascal”, Le Fly, would be having conniption fits over the S&P futures. I imagine you thought I’d be plotting acts of cannibalism against my fellow man, tossing empty coffee mugs onto my neighbors front lawn, cordially asking the wife to “move out the way, atta girl.” But you’d be wrong. As a point in fact, today’s melt up means absolutely nothing to me. If you could see me now, I have zero emotions running through my body. I am not scared of Ebola, happy about stocks, or even mad at the world for spinning.

I graciously accept today’s gifts from Mother Market and tip my hat to her. If she chooses to rescind said gifts, I understand and will not take it personal.

I posted 11 blogs yesterday and over a hundred tweets from my scabrous account there, all done spontaneously like a loose jawed bedlamite.

As for my fellow friends who happen to be long VIX related products, I wish you the best of luck. This market is hard enough. You don’t need to come here and be taunted for genetical inadequacies, pertaining to intelligence quotient, all because of an investment choice.

We all are free to decide where our hard earned dollars should be placed. Most people hate the stock market and opt for real estate or bonds instead. What we do here, each and every day, is hard and requires discipline and healthy habits. It’s important to exercise, eat well, and try to laugh at set-backs, instead of stressing out over them. Otherwise, you will not last very long in this business.

In short, the market looks to want higher this morning and I am just the man to like it that way. I will not sell into the rally, nor buy. Rather, I am going to read a book, listen to some Beethoven, and relax. After all, it’s been a crazy weak and I deserve a little peace and quiet.

All of your reasons for lower stock prices are so stupid I cannot even get myself to address them. I am going to mug you tomorrow, then toss you into my fireplace to provide me with the fuel that I need to warm my parlour. There is a difference, however, between those of you who genuinely hate America and would like to see her crumble– and the guy, mind you, WHO IS BUYING VIX INSTRUMENTS INTO THE FUCKING HOLE. The latter is an abomination of humanity, the ISIS of investors, and shall be upbraided.

You, my friends, are going to endure heinous market losses, 20-50% inside of a single session. Your parvenu ways will be no more.

In all seriousness, I expect the market to rally for 3-5 more days, then drift lower, eventually retesting the lows. Bottoming is a process and there isn’t anything to justify a V-shaped recovery.

So the game plan is simple: skin the shorts alive and eat their livers over the next week, then sell out and wait for the hammer to drop. The new found volatility is going to work itself up into a frenzy then collapse. At that time, I will have my revenge on you VXX nerds.

Oil, biotech, social media and chinese burritos will lead the way. Just remember to bail out before Thursday of next week.

The energy reflation trade is underway. I have no idea if it will stick by tomorrow. But I do know this: we aren’t selling off these gains today. The breadth is phenomenal and the percentage gains outrageous.

Leading the way are frac sand companies EMES, SLCA, HCLP and FMSA. I already own SLCA; but I decided to also start a position in FMSA today. They just came public and it could not have happened at a worse time. There wasn’t any institutional support to defend its shares from the brutal downtick. As a result, it fell flat from $17 to $10. Over the past week alone it is down 30%. I am sure analyst coverage will come out with higher price targets and if the oil patch dead-cat bounces, it’s good for $15.

Dividend rich pipeline stocks are also moving today, with the sector up more than 4.5%. Like frac sand, I like a lot of pipeline plays–too many to mention in passing.

Rails are recovering, especially since they move the crude around. My favorites are GBX and TRN. TRN is my largest holding.

And, finally, small cap oil are moving fastest. Stocks like EOX, WRES, REXX and BAS are embracing the lift.

If you like oil here, buy up whatever dropped the most over the past month. It’s that simple. The initial move is always knee-jerk and has little to do with fundamentals. If you’re cautious, take this bounce and run with the money. I suspect this trade will either be the biggest and best trade of 2014, or it will succumb to the black hole that was encapsulating it over the past month. One way or another, it’s gonna be fun to watch.

NOTE: Alternative energy and solar stocks are an even nuttier way to play it. Names like SOL, CSIQ, PEIX and GPRE will move faster than your average independent oil and gas stocks.