More Predictions From the Man Behind the Mask

Great floods will be avoided this winter, as the rivers and the lakes freeze into solid mass. The hurricane season will be non-existant by November, as the country prepares to feast on large birds and seasonal squash. The Turkey Gods will make an appearance on the NYSE and swallow one trader whole, as is the custom during that time of year. Shortly thereafter, a buying frenzy of discretionary goods will sweep the nation, with little children running about–asking men with giant white beards to buy them things.

Rumors of flying reindeers, with incandescent noses, will run rampant and the Coca-Cola corporation will propaganda the idea of strange fat men breaking and entering the homes of millions of Americans to be, not only an acceptable practice, but preferred.

And the stock market will trade up on most days, down on some. There will be periods of panic and greed, hedged by periods of consolidation. Men will be broken over the knees of Mother Market, like stale pretzel sticks, for not exhibiting patience. Persons of little to no experience will make great strides early on, then lose everything, AND MORE, during downturns.

This cycle will repeat itself for all of eternity.