A Generation of Liars

Peering through news headlines and media content, I cringe while cherry picking the news items to display here on iBC. I made a personal promise to myself to avoid publishing content regarding politics or THE FUCKING HEADCUTTERS who live in middle earth. I did so, not because some of you pussies are upset by it. I did it to remain focused on what the stated goals are here: making money in the markets. In this day and age, it’s very easy to get distracted by things that we can never control.

You might like Clinton or Trump and that’s your prerogative. But you will NEVER effect change in this country, unless you wield power. You can do so, in my estimation, through five different paths.

1. Practice law.
2. Become a journalist/drive-by blogger like yours truly.
3. Become a dick sucking politician.
4. Become an activist.
5. Buy it.

If none of those titles appeal to you, then quit bellyaching about things. Your fucking votes are literally meaningless, as demonstrated by the fixed RNC/DNC primaries.

Now the problem with 4 out of those 5 sanctimonious roles (money only rules itself), in this late staged, weakened, western society, is they’re occupied by liars and thieves, sociopaths of the first magnitude–wholly and solely interested in telling very tall fucking lies, in order to promote an agenda and fuck thy neighbor. Today’s gems were based on the scurrilous notion that Trump would pull out of the race, based on pure conjecture, but worded like it was sourced from within the campaign. Naturally, the Trump people told everyone to fuck off and that it wasn’t true. But that didn’t stop the likes of Chuck “DNC Waterboy” Todd from spreading the lie. Look at the headlines on CNBC right now. This is all day, every day, on all of the finance sites I read for news. CNN, Bloomberg, CNBC and most of my Twitter feed have a fucking hard on for Hillary Clinton.

And look at the Popular Lies section.

This is soviet union styled propaganda, circa 1955. It’s the type of journalism that makes you want to unplug the teevee and throw it at someone. Then again, “The Fly” is plagued by violent thoughts, having established an ancient tribalistic mentality, growing up in the fucking sewers of Brooklyn, that must be very foreign to most of you iced cream suckers. I didn’t play tennis as a kid. We played asses up, with hard balls, and played knock out (fight club for kids!) with each other for fun.

This afternoon, the hosts on CNBC, including Drunkard Brian Sullivan, were talking shit all day about Trump. Seeing this, I was vexed and irritated, not because of their yellow journalism, but because these media organizations are allowing themselves to become distracted. They’re veering off the plantation, in order to support a candidate who wouldn’t squat and piss on their stupid heads if it were on fire.

Does this all make you very uneasy? Good.

For this, I regret veering off the plantation myself, wasting your time, discussing topics that aren’t core to the story and history of this site. But unlikes those ham and eggers, pig skinners and hog washers alike, “The Fly” keeps it 100. There isn’t another site out there like iBankCoin. All other finance sites are ridiculous refuse compared to us, not even worthy of my fire pit. I’d let you all burn in the woods, like Californian brush fires.

In a press release in the after hours, Canadian Pacific filed a massive, mind-fucking, secondary and disclosed that ‘Broadway’ Bill Ackman, Lord of Montauk, will be selling out of all his shares.

Pershing Square has been holding CP, a major winner for them, for years.

Canadian Pacific confirms the commencement of a public offering of 9,840,890 of common shares by certain funds managed by Pershing Square (147.28 +0.62)
8/3/2016, 5:20:30 PM ET

Canadian Pacific is not selling any common shares in the offering and will not receive any of the proceeds from the offering of common shares by the funds managed by Pershing Square. Upon the closing of today’s sale of 9,840,890 common shares, funds managed by Pershing Square will not own any common shares of Canadian Pacific.

CP is higher by 16% for 2016, far better than Bill’s other two rapish position, one in VRX (-78%) and his hot shot short (+25%).

No word on whether this spells the beginning of the end for House Ackman.

Miraculously, the company beat on both the top and bottom lines. I have no idea how they accomplished this, with day rates down, utilization in the ground, and drilling revenues down to $918 mln, compared to $1.11 bln in Q1.

Oh yeah, that’s because THE ESTIMATES WERE MADE BY SUBMENTAL MISCREANTS WITHOUT COGNITIVE ABILITIES.

Revenues fell by 50% from last year. Crude is saddled at 3 mo lows and the EPA wants companies like RIG to fuck off.

The company had this to say, regarding their pathetic excuse for a company.

“though we continue to face market headwinds, the combination of our industry-leading backlog, exceptional operating performance, and solid financial position ensures that we will maintain our position as the industry’s leading deepwater driller.”

You’d have to be psychotic to own this stock.

Listen to me. No one gives a shit about earnings anymore, especially for companies who make cars that are fueled by batteries made in a fucking giga factory. People don’t sell the stocks, that is run by a man, who wants to colonize the moon, build a hyperloop train and rid the planet of fossil fuels and replace it with one giant fucking solar panel.

Unil Musk messes up in as big way, like purchasing another one of his companies that was heading into bankruptcy, investors will give TSLA the benefit of the doubt. But it’s a bubble, no doubt about it.

Reports Q2 (Jun) loss of $1.06 per share, excluding non-recurring items, $0.41 worse than the Capital IQ Consensus of ($0.65); revenues rose 30.5% year/year to $1.56 bln vs the $1.65 bln Capital IQ Consensus.

Model S orders increased year over year. With the addition of Model X orders, total Q2 net new vehicle orders rose 67% from a year ago.
In Q2, we delivered 14,402 new vehicles consisting of 9,764 Model S and 4,638 Model X, which was slightly higher than what we stated in our July announcement. Model S remains the market share leader in North America and Europe among all comparably priced four-door sedans, and Model X is quickly gaining ground against similarly priced SUVs in all regions.

non-GAAP gross mrgin 20.8%

Outlook: Production and demand are on track to support deliveries of ~50,000 new Model S and Model X vehicles during the second half of 2016. Vehicle production efficiency is improving rapidly and we are now increasing our weekly production rate even further. Barring any further supply constraints, we plan to exit Q3 with a steady production rate of 2,200 vehicles per week, and plan to increase production to 2,400 vehicles per week in Q4. We anticipate that direct leasing will rise from 8% of deliveries in Q2 to about 15% of deliveries in Q3, as we have reached our funding limit with a banking partner. We anticipate adding new partners that will allow us to fund our planned growth in the future. We recognize revenue on directly leased deliveries as cash is received over the lease term of typically three years, on both a GAAP and non-GAAP basis. Model S and Model X cost reductions and improved vehicle manufacturing efficiency should offset the margin impact of the expected mix shift toward our 60 kWh configured vehicles and still drive additional gross margin increases throughout the year.

We expect GAAP and non-GAAP Automotive gross margins excluding ZEV credits to increase by 2-3 percentage points through Q3 and Q4 (previously called for 30% S and 25% X adj. gross margin). Total non-GAAP operating expenses should increase sequentially in Q3 and Q4, and we now expect full year 2016 total non-GAAP operating expenses to increase by about 30%. The increases come from engineering, design, and testing expenses related to Model 3 supplier contracts, and higher sales and service costs associated with expanding our geographic presence. Despite the disciplined pace of capital spending in the first half of this year, we still expect to invest about $2.25 billion in capital expenditures in 2016, in support of our accelerated production plan for Model 3.

“Some Model 3 production equipment is already on line, including initial capacity in our stamping and paint centers. Later this year, we plan to begin construction of new Model 3 body and general assembly centers. Gigafactory construction remains on target to support volume production of Model 3 in late 2017, and we recently accelerated construction to reach a rate of 35 GWh/year of cell production in 2018.”

Shares are up about 1% in the after hours.

Who said Jack Dorsey was a fascist ruler of news and information on Twitter? I certainly did not. Did you see what his other company just did? They beat earnings expectations and guided up, all the while @Jack grew his beard. In other words, the company grew faster than Jack’s beard.

For the quarter, Square lost a shit load of money, but grew the top line at a 54% clip. The company guided up, ever so slightly, also increasing EBITDA to $18-24m from $8-14m

Reports Q2 (Jun) loss of $0.08 per share, $0.04 better than the Capital IQ Consensus of ($0.12); revenues rose 54.1% year/year to $171 mln vs the $157.88 mln Capital IQ Consensus.

In 2Q16, it processed $12.5 bln in GPV, an increase of 42% from 2Q15. New-seller growth made up the majority of its GPV increase, while positive dollar-based retention from existing sellers also had a meaningful impact.

Co achieved positive EBITDA of $13 mln.

Extended $189 mln in Square Capital, up 123% year over year and 23% sequentially.

Co issues upside guidance for Q3, sees Q3 revs of $167-$171 mln vs. $164.19 mln Capital IQ Consensus Estimate. Expects Adjusted EBITDA of $5-$6 mln.

Co issues raises guidance for FY16, sees FY16 revs of $655-$670 mln, up 6% at the mid-point of its prior guidance, and vs. $641.98 mln Capital IQ Consensus Estimate. SQ expects Adjusted EBITDA to be in the range of $18-$24 million, up from its previously guided range of $8-$14 mln.

God bless Jack Vissarionovich Dorsey.

SQ is higher by 9% in the after-hours, and lower by a mere 17% over the past 3 months. Winning.

What a fucking insane sector. This stock has been beaten like an ugly toy during 2016, off by more than 25%.

The company just beat and guided up, so shorts might get kicked in the nuts in the AM.

Reports Q2 (Jun) earnings of $0.87 per share, excluding non-recurring items, $0.32 better than the Capital IQ Consensus of $0.55; revenues rose 4.2% year/year to $934 mln vs the $862.68 mln Capital IQ Consensus.
Co issues guidance for FY16, sees EPS of $4.20-4.50 (Prior $4.10-4.50), excluding non-recurring items, vs. $4.19 Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; sees FY16 revs of $3.8-4.0 bln vs. $3.86 bln Capital IQ Consensus Estimate.
Gross Margins 18.5-19.0% (Prior 18-19%)
Operating Expense $380-400 mln (Reaffirm)
Operating Cashe Flow $400-650 mln (Prior $500-700 mln)
CapEx $275-325 mln (Prior $300-400 mln)
Shipments 2.9-3.0 GW (Reaffirm)

Shares are up 2.5% in the after hours, adding to its 3% regular session gain.

When crude was going down, people said that was a good thing. Over the past 2,000 years, there has been a negative correlation between the flammable black liquid and stocks. But today’s 4% bounce also provided succor for stocks. Why does such fuckery exist in the world today?

Oxygen.

If we are to judge Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, Islamic terrorism, right wingers gone mad, Black Lives Matter demand for more pigs to roast, the one thing they all have in common is oxygen. Everyone breathes the stuff and is the only thing that everyone has in common.

People have been doing crazy shit for exactly 6,000 years, according to the bible. If we could just figure out how to get rid of the stuff, life as we know it would be far less chaotic and quiet.

Dow erected itself into the bell, 3:30 ramp style. Get ready for some oxygen fueled earnings.

Cranky old fucking bastard.

Well, to be fair, Bill is buying BBN and likes gold. Then again, only curmudgeons like gold.

Nonetheless, I figured some of the ladies out there, the B. Gross roadies, would appreciate a taste of Gross on this genteel afternoon.

Ah, it was all an ingenious plan to root out the system of weak players, bankers in the way of wanton success and prosperity. It’s funny to see these large bracket braindead people get on teevee and try to make sense of things, without ever thinking about the obvious.

He thinks the whole negative rate idea might be sheer genius to bankrupt the weak players, since Europe is ‘over-banked.’

My theory is governments did the math and figured out they would not be able to service the interest on their debt in a decade or two. Therefore, they put plans into action to make the servicing costs for the debt, not only affordable, BUT PROFITABLE!!! By issuing new debt at negative rates, western society can continue to lavish itself in splendor, drawing blood from the young to preserve the organs of the old and the rich, and make money doing it.

That’s what I call diabolical genius.

Someone get me some data on previous bull markets that not only didn’t include the banks, but also shit on them. WTI is spiking 3% this afternoon and markets are sashaying higher again. All the while, trolls from middle earth are clawing at the walls of Deutsche Bank, Credit Suisse and Barclay’s. The entire European banking system is in disarray, while ours is on permanent vacation. God willing the newly adorned Empress of America will punish them and their $3.50 ATM fees.

Naturally, if the shares of leading banks are down 20-50% for the year, credit is going to be tight. Banks cannot lend money out the door, whilst it’s being burned inside. Maybe it doesn’t matter anymore? Perhaps we’ve transcended the lucidity of balance sheets and have adapted to a world of smoke and mirrors, where share buybacks and central bank rigging is all we need?

DB is at fresh record lows.

Thoughts on the matter, good sirs?