HEAVILY COCAINED MARKETS EBBING TOWARDS EVEN MORE GLORY — BLOOD SACRIFICES WILL BE MADE

What more do you want of me? How about a nice story? The CTO of Ripple is a fucking subhuman ape.

He forgot the pw to his crypto wallet and now he cannot access over 7000 BTC valued at over $240m. Get fucked.

Almost a decade ago, Stefan Thomas, the former CTO at blockchain company Ripple Labs, was given 7,002 bitcoins worth $2-$6 each for making a cryptocurrency explainer video, reports the New York Times.

The bitcoin (BTC, +5.85%) had been stashed away in a digital wallet and Thomas has used eight of his most frequently used passwords in an attempt access his IronKey hard drive and his now multimillion-dollar fortune but has had no luck.

Two attempts now remain before the device auto-encrypts its contents, leaving Thomas’ fortune in limbo. Just call it Schrödinger’s bitcoin.

“I would just lay in bed and think about it,” Thomas told the New York Times. “Then I would go to the computer with some new strategy and it wouldn’t work, and I would be desperate again,” added Thomas.

Bitcoin prices have climbed from $10,000 to $41,000 over the past three months. The price of bitcoin was at $34,290 at the time of publication, making Thomas’ inaccessible stash worth an estimated $240 million.

I’m glad he’s awake at night, hoping to remember his pw. I suggest he might want to hire a hypnotist or perhaps a magi who can look into his soul and unlock the secrets of his mind, accessing all of that coin, accessing all of that happiness.

It’s true, money does not make you happy — but poverty sure as hell makes you sad. Do not believe in the fairy tales that life should be about fun and happiness and doing whatever the fuck you want. WRONG. You toil and then you toil some more. You fight and struggle and then you toil again. After you’ve become great at something — you leverage it and you toil again. You keep doing this until you’re in a pine box and then you can rest.