Hard to explain what exactly transpired today. It started with missing out on a runner, SUNW went from 0.85 to $9 and I missed it by minutes yesterday. Today it gapped higher and a cadre of like minded alt energy stocks took off with it. What I thought I was seeing was the beginning of a trend, when in fact it was topping out. The malevolent nature of today’s chop-fest had a profound effect on the way I was thinking. I could feel the pressure in my stomach and head elevate, almost to the point of desperation. If you’ve ever had a truly large position go wayward on you, you know what I mean.
But it wasn’t just one position, although I did have a double down debacle of -17%. In total, I executed 67 trades and while I started to make some back mid-day, I ended up on the wrong end of the chop and acquiesced all of my positions for the sake of my own sanity. I had lost the confidence to take risk, after a foray of losses, so I opted out. In total, I lost 5.3% for the session — which is dreadful and my worst showing in many years for a single day. Month to date, I am still up 7%; but I imagine there is a much more profound thing to consider when looking at a loss of 5.3% for the day — such as people who followed me into these burning homes. I know for a fact, most people do not take positions sizes like me, of only 5%. I also fear their losses are considerably higher — if they mirrored me to the T — for that I am sorry.
Just yesterday, I boasted about being up 12 consecutive days, in a seamless end of wanton hedonism — the whir that made it all the more worthwhile is when gains were enjoyed at will. Such an occurrence is rare and indeed destined to revert back to the mean. Today I was ugly, a truly odious monster who ate himself for the sake of greed and avarice. I will not drink today because I do not like to drink when I am feeling bad. Instead, I head to the gym, lift until my fucking arms fall off, and then get an early start tomorrow.
If today’s tape tells me anything, it reeks of fragility — the manner of which the indices moved today and the stocks that led to the upside are possible signs of topping out. Then again, what the fuck do I know? Mr. -5.3% for the day.
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