iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,430 Blog Posts

VEGANS GET BTFO — $BYND CRASHED — THEY CAN’T STOP THE SELLING

Vegans woke up today to a bowl of mueslix and apples — thinking they too would make money in their BYND positions. Nothing could be further from the truth.

As we speak, a cordon of fate is wrapped around the vegan share price and a collapse is almost an assured outcome. Trading at 51x sales, one could make a strong beefy argument for a 90% decline in the share price. Not only is this stock over priced, but the entire concept is faux.

Once the shroud of hypo-feminine brainwashing is lifted from men and they realize being a vegan is literally the worst lifestyle any person could manage to conceptualize, they’ll throw away those Alpo smelling dog food “burgers” and reclaim their positions on this flat planet as fierce eating alpha male Apex predator carnivores.

It’s not important to spare the lives of animals, since they are inferior to man. We can eat them because they haven’t invented the wheel yet. Along that thinking, Europeans sacked America because the Natives hadn’t invented the wheel either. If the English were hungry enough and needed to survive, they would’ve ate all of the natives in America instead of just wasting their meat in senseless massacres.

What I’m trying to say is BYND got ramshackled today and the selling has only just begun. I’d expect shares to immediately slide into the $60s this week, led by tall and muscular men eating beef jerkies, imposing their will on the weaker Vegan underclass — who might as well be considered ‘virtual meat’ for the market now — to be eaten at discretion.

If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter

13 comments

  1. fidel cash grow
    fidel cash grow

    Agreed. Also Roku is prepping for the $100 roll

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  2. cancel19

    I grilled my first fake meat burgers and yep didn’t enjoy the smell of real dog food.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  3. mad marsupial

    ” the shroud of hypo-feminine brainwashing” – classic.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  4. numbersgame

    This stock deserved to be crushed, the sooner the better, as it teaches important lessons to millenial investors: price matters.

    However, lab meat is here to stay. It has nothing to do with the superiority of people vs animals, but more to do with not enough animals to keep pace with the demand for meat. It seems that cannibalism would be the alternate solution (Americans would command a high price due to their high fat content). So it’s either fake meat or soylent green in the future.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  5. mx2101

    It’s all fun and games until you are north of age 60

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  6. og

    People acting like eating Beyond Meat will make your balls drop off.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  7. mx2101

    numbersgame– re: population. Besides often cited things that could cause world population to fall, consider this: what if radiofrequency electromagnetic radiation (RF) from handheld cell phones and household devices turn out to cause fatal cancer that kicks in 25 years later. Lots of things were “perfectly safe” in the past 100 years,that turned out to be killers.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  8. mx2101

    Yes, they put our lives in perspective. If you mean something else about the stars, OK.
    I mean to say our lifestyle choices are root cause of our collective situation.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  9. juice

    That picture of old blue eyes is KRAZY! I can’t believe how much he looks like Woody Allen’s son https://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-arts-and-culture/148527/ronan-farrow-sinatra

    who woulda thunk it!? 😛

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  10. flea

    Can’t f’ing stop laughing. And there happens to be no one, at all, that can compare to Frankie.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"