Senior Iranian Oil Minister Trolls Trump on Tapping into SPR and Elevated Oil Prices

Ever since Trump decided to punish Iran and impose sanctions, the price of crude has been strong as shit — trending higher. While I welcome these elevated prices, mainly because it discouraged poor people from driving and crashing into other people whilst taking selfies of themselves in their piece of shit vehicles, it’s important to document any time a senior oil minister trolls Trump for daring to access America’s strategic oil reserves.

“My advice to you, Mr. President, is to avoid touching the SPR – to cool down and give up sanctioning Iranian oil,” Hossein Kazempour Ardebili, Iran’s representative to OPEC, said by email.

“Mr. President, as I have foreseen earlier, it seems you are resorting to the SPR due to the fact that there is no spare capacity to cover for Iranian exports – but there will be many repercussions,” Kazempour said.

“Saudi Arabia, the U.A.E and Russia pretended to be able to deliver 2.5 million barrels a day of Iranian exports,” Kazempour said. “That was a miscalculation, Mr. President: you have fallen in their trap, and prices will go up.”

It’s not the first time the Iranian official has responded to Trump’s policies. Earlier this month, Kazempour said that tweets by Trump criticizing the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries had pushed oil prices up by about $10 a barrel.

“If we in Iran were to stop our exports for just one month to show what it can bring to the world economy, you would have thought twice,” Kazempour said. “But we are a civilized nation, and a responsible government.”

Thank God Iran is such a civilized nation, otherwise we’d be hamstrung by $500 crude by now. Just think about all of them oil stocks soaring higher under $500 crude. There’s no way I’d lose money on gas consumption, since my market gains would far outpace the amount of money spent at the pump. Granted, the economy would be in shambles and poor people would freeze to death during the winter months, it would be a fine experience, something to tell the grandkids by the fireside on wintry Xmas time nights.

“Back in my day when Iran decided not to be civilized, we didn’t have oil or heat, or even gasoline — because it was too god damned expensive. Why, most people went back to burning firewood in their houses and driving horse and buggies. Those were the days — you should’ve been there.”