BEHOLD the Wonders of Allergy Season

I always quiz the landscapers if they’re allergic to the planet like I am and they never are. I suppose they wouldn’t be cutting grass and getting bit by ticks all day if they were. As a young boy, I’d always find myself getting sick around my birthday — May 25th. I recall countless times being in a haze while playing baseball around this time of year, always chalking it up to catching the flu or a cold.

The first year of being a stockbroker, I remember vividly opening 2 new accounts on my birthday and I was sick as a fucking dog. I went home early that day and celebrated over tequila and antibiotics.

Truth of that matter is, I was a fucking moron all of those years, succumbing to stupidity on a grandiose level. I was never sick, per se, but allergic to the planet, or pollen. I actually had to redpill a friend of mine about his seasonal sickness a few years ago and much to his surprise he felt better, almost immediately, following a dose of anti-histamines.

Last year was the only year in well over 15 that I did not suffer from debilitating allergies. Often times I am awoken by them and sneeze for an hour straight, scrambling like a fool on a stool for a Claritin pill to help me live like a normal human being. The reason why I escaped allergies last year is because I skipped gardening. Typically I buy $1,000 worth of plants per annum. I take said plants and toss them into holes I dig in my garden beds. I’d then water them and feel good about them for a few weeks, and then watch them die over the next 8 weeks because I get mad at the water bill, which makes me turn off the irrigation system and then I often forget to water them in time to save them.

I’m a busy guy and don’t have time to water fucking plants.

The secret to feeling better this time of year is to be a hermit, take an anti-histamine pill every single day, regardless of symptoms — and never, ever, fucking garden. I recall a story that was once told to me about Mr. T, during his prime, and how he moved into a very posh Chicago suburb. Like me, Mr. T, aka Clubber Lang, suffers from allergies and he wasn’t having none of that shit in his new suburban mansion. Word is, much to his neighbors dismay, he chopped down all of the trees on his property and had his entire backyard turned into a concrete jungle, in order to avoid sneezing during pollen season.

You can do that, or simply hole yourself up tight for the next month or so and only veer out into the public during rainy days and/or the night — just like a vampire.

NOTE: In honor of Le Fly’s upcoming 42nd bday, we’re doing free trials for Exodus this week. Email me at Flybroker at gmail dot com for access.