iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,471 Blog Posts

Morning Poppers (The Fat Fuck Edition REVIVED FROM DEAD)

Today is my first day of cutting, and attending the new gym. To reduce my body fat to a level that is both honorable and aesthetically pleasing, I’ll need to cut down about 12 lbs — which, inadvertently, will make me look like I’m on chemo. That last time I did this, got down to the low 150s, my wife’s friends asked if I had cancer.

“Hey is Fly all right — he really looks dreadful you know.”

Then I got to bulking, eating peanut buttered sandwiches and large canteens filled with whey protein, and they all shut the fuck up before long. Anyone with experience at the gym will know that cutting, although tiresome and taxing, is preferable to bulking. Eating a bunch of food, good food, isn’t as easy as it sounds. To meet my goals, -12lbs in 3 months, I’ll need to reduce my caloric intake to about 2,100 calories per day. When bulking, I’ll be eating 3,200 per day.

Speaking of fat fuck, it appears Nasdaq futures have firmed from last night’s spate of weakness and are now +26. Also, cryptos are up. Also, gold and oil are up.

We made a new Facebook page. Please like it.

We also made a new Instagram page. Follow that shit too.

I have an Instagram page, but I don’t use it anymore. It’s pretty stupid having an Instagram page when you’re anonymous. What am I supposed to do — post pictures of my fucking meals or selfies of myself clad with a fucking iron mask? I don’t have time for that sort of shit. The new pages will be used, at some point, for corporate advertising — in a wasteful attempt to indoctrinate others to our form of propaganda.

Apple is +4.5%, Snap is -17%, and GILD is off by 6%. That’ll teach them for curing hep c.

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10 comments

  1. mrcharlie

    Stay strong and vigilant Fly…none of that yo yo diet weight loss then gain it back nonsense! Good luck

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    • Dr. Fly

      Charlie

      One cannot get rid of fat without first cutting, no matter how skinny you are.

      Fat gone first, then you can work out for bulk.

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  2. infinitezuul

    These posts make me happy.

    I have eaten one RX protein bar, four hard-boiled eggs, and about 12oz of Greeked Yogurt so far this morning.

    Eat necessary food and tax your muscles until they hurt. Godspeed.

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    • Dr. Fly

      I like the idea of discussing health and diet here. We can cultivate a culture of muscle hardened psycho traders who can overthrow the government with just one snap (extra Thanos).

      I’ll be sharing more as I go along.

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  3. jacked rabbit

    Love the idea of a wolf and a bulk’d fly menacing the neighborhood on its daily walk…who gonna growl more?

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  4. juice

    Do some of your neighbors call you Fly?

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    • Dr. Fly

      No one has ever known I write for this site or write at all. Most just think I manage money or sell drugs.

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      • madness

        Manage money or sell drugs – which is the lesser evil? :-/

        Can we have a vote – No Russian collusion guaranteed (maybe)

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  5. lesurgeon

    Power lifting, huh?
    You know what would be a Power Move? Interactive Charts.

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  6. one-eighty

    I dropped 32 pounds and dropped my blood sugar from near diabetic to normal on 800 cals a day for 12 weeks, getting most of those carbs from fat and protein. Kept it off for a year and a half now.
    My wife and her friends said the same thing, wondering why I looked so “gaunt” while I wouldn’t mind dropping another 10.

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