Two Days in a Row — Two Immensely Retarded Trades

For the second consecutive day, Le Fly, in all of his infinite wisdom, set out to defecate on stocks. Yesterday I ventured out and bought some QID — thinking the Nasdaq was bound to vomit. Then news came out that Trump was merely joking about Amazon and that all was well, truly, and people bought stocks. They bought them with vigor.

My face was subsequently ripped from my skull and I endured the rest of the day living off the memories of better times.

Then today came around and China’s retaliation against the United States tilted markets sideways and out. People were jumping off bridges and windows, windows, and into tunnels on the news. To be honest, it looked like the end of the world. Then Kudlow came out and said there was a pot of gold at the end of the trade war rainbow and people ate it up. They ventured out into the cold misty morning and bought equities with grace and zeal. Just before that happened, Le Fly, smartly, bought FXP — exclaiming “FUCK CHINA” after he’d done so — because his mind defaults to violence, an unfortunate side effect of hailing from a bloodline of middled class factory workers, bus drivers, and criminals.

Now everything I want is lost. The halcyon days of -500 Dow’d points is a memory, a faint whisper on the lips of gigantic orange gorillas. One is permitted to dream still, correct? Or is that too forbidden and considered an act of violence?

I stand before you a mixed man — one long a pastiche of small cap equities via Exodus Quant and doing well. The other is my tactical trading account, a farce, now long LEDS, ERY, QID, FXP and another stock too embarrassing to mention.

Pardon me as I go kill myself.