Stars Wars The Last Jedi Review: A Ridiculous Exercise in Absurdity

I had the fine opportunity to see the latest Star Wars this evening. We had a nice dinner before the show and made it to the theatre a solid 30 minutes before showing. After loading up on a healthy amount of popped corn and bottled waters, we entered an already packed theatre filled with fan boys/girls adorned in Star Wars pajamas and Jedi costumes.

Before the movie started, our AMC theatre aired the most absurd and poorly made movie trailers in the history of cinema. It was one eye roller after the next; and that feeling spilled into the featured presentation, which began, cornily, and continued to spew out one canned cliche after the next until the movie’s uninteresting climax.

I don’t want to give away spoilers here, but I can comfortably say this is the very worst Stars Wars movie of all time. The acting performed by Luke Skywalker, him and his broken man role, was both lazy and asinine.

Kylo Ren and Rey are both talented actors, but their roles and scripts left much to be desired.

God damn it, the entire plot was festooned with flaws and preposterous plot twists that I’d expect to see in a Disney made for teevee movie, not a blockbuster film with an unlimited budget. Even the CGI was weak and flimsy, creating an atmosphere of subhuman qualities in a franchise that is supposed to be the gold standard in America cinema.

By the way, having Kylo Ren not wear his mask the entire movie was a mistake of epic proportions. Then again, whoever made this movie are complete imbeciles, unable to determine the difference between interesting and lame.

Don’t even get me started on the ending scene with the boy and his stupid broom, gazing out into the sky with his idiotic crackerjack ring glowing for reasons unbeknownst to anyone.

One thing is certainly clear: whoever wrote this movie was on drugs, or is simply an untalented wench who should be fired from modern cinema and perhaps take up occupation in a traveling carnivale to spend the rest of his days juggling cans of flammable jugs that might oneway detonate and incinerate him into dust from which he came.