iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
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Stars Wars The Last Jedi Review: A Ridiculous Exercise in Absurdity

I had the fine opportunity to see the latest Star Wars this evening. We had a nice dinner before the show and made it to the theatre a solid 30 minutes before showing. After loading up on a healthy amount of popped corn and bottled waters, we entered an already packed theatre filled with fan boys/girls adorned in Star Wars pajamas and Jedi costumes.

Before the movie started, our AMC theatre aired the most absurd and poorly made movie trailers in the history of cinema. It was one eye roller after the next; and that feeling spilled into the featured presentation, which began, cornily, and continued to spew out one canned cliche after the next until the movie’s uninteresting climax.

I don’t want to give away spoilers here, but I can comfortably say this is the very worst Stars Wars movie of all time. The acting performed by Luke Skywalker, him and his broken man role, was both lazy and asinine.

Kylo Ren and Rey are both talented actors, but their roles and scripts left much to be desired.

God damn it, the entire plot was festooned with flaws and preposterous plot twists that I’d expect to see in a Disney made for teevee movie, not a blockbuster film with an unlimited budget. Even the CGI was weak and flimsy, creating an atmosphere of subhuman qualities in a franchise that is supposed to be the gold standard in America cinema.

By the way, having Kylo Ren not wear his mask the entire movie was a mistake of epic proportions. Then again, whoever made this movie are complete imbeciles, unable to determine the difference between interesting and lame.

Don’t even get me started on the ending scene with the boy and his stupid broom, gazing out into the sky with his idiotic crackerjack ring glowing for reasons unbeknownst to anyone.

One thing is certainly clear: whoever wrote this movie was on drugs, or is simply an untalented wench who should be fired from modern cinema and perhaps take up occupation in a traveling carnivale to spend the rest of his days juggling cans of flammable jugs that might oneway detonate and incinerate him into dust from which he came.

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15 comments

  1. probucks

    daaayyymmmmn. was it THAT bad?

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    • Dr. Fly

      Force awakens was a tour de force compared to this.

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      • derp

        Rian Johnson isn’t that bad of a director. I think it’s the Lucasfilm/Disney producers calling all the shots here.

        I mean this is the guy who made Looper.

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  2. stocksnblondes

    Thanks for this. I thought that The Force Awakens was super lame yet it won across-the-board accolades. Sometimes I wonder what planet I’m on. I won’t be goinf to the theatre to see this one.

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  3. john_galt

    pic looks gay

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  4. lapens

    I was at the local midnight screening, so I’m definitely a fanboy. I’m not going to argue with Fly’s post other than to say this is most certainly better than Episode 2 AOTC. This was way better than that pile of dog biscuits.

    Not really sure what movie the critics saw, as they seemed to love it. Rogue One was better than both of the latest instalments imo.

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  5. mad marsupial

    aaaaa if you don’t want to ‘engage’ Princess Leia, you shuldn’t be in the wimpish act of trading stocks. grow a oar.

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  6. hedge500

    Are you kidding? It was incredible.

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  7. Cricket

    Disney? Not surprised. What Disney is doing to the Star Wars franchise is a precursor to what is going to happen to Fox.

    As of late, and in stark contrast to the creative genius of Walt Disney, The Walt Disney Company has two achievements: 1) it has repeatedly and successfully lobbied to extend copyright law thereby never having to rely on original content and 2) it used the H1-B visa program to replace hundreds, if not thousands, of Americans with cheaper foreign-sourced labour.

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  8. tradingnymph

    I just saw it….I want a Porg! Kinda sick that Chewy was cooking one. Way too cute. Yep, Disney all the way.

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  9. joyous__ending

    >our AMC theatre aired the most absurd and poorly made movie trailers in the history of cinema
    In today’s world of premium pricing I wonder why a theater does not offer a showing with no previews at an elevated price. I would pay $35 to just sit down and go straight to one concession hype, a turn off the cell phone idiot message and then the film.

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  10. biffer

    I haven’t seen it but after that tirade i certainly have.

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