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Monthly Archives: September 2017

Morning Poppers (it’s the Banksters turn edition)

Good morning lads, it looks like the cryptofags have been partying all night and have now taken to a morning champagne party, with all of the fashionable people. BTC is +5.6% and ETH is +3.1%.

Over in stockland, S&P futures are +6, Nasdaq futs +22 — literally nothing can stop the madness. I’ll be selling out of my idiotic YANG and UVXY positions today, and then proceed to buy something and then immediately begin to doubt it’s right to exist on the planet.

Europe is enjoying the pastoral views, +0.7% on the Eurostoxx 50.

Goldumbers beat down again, -0.7%, and copper is +0.9%.

The dollar is pressing its rights against the old world, +0.5% — and yields are sharply higher by 6bps on the 10yr to 2.29%.

Listen to me. Bank stocks are going to roar out of the gates, as the 2-10 spread is blowing out more than 5bps this morning. I cannot recall another occasion, aside from after the elections, when the spread blew out like this. We may very well get a monstrous rally in the financials, starting today.

Stocks moving in the pre-market:

AVGR +166.7%, CALI +18.5%, EDIT +7.4%, MU +5.9%, ZSAN +5.1%, LNDC +4.8%, FWP +4.8%, KEM +3.9%, SN +3.3%, SIX +3.1%, TWTR +2.2%, CTLT +2%, RH +1.6%, JD +1.3%, STL +1%, TMUS +0.6%, AMSC +0.5%

KRNT -24.2%, WLKP -8.7%, ITCI -7.2%, ASND -4%, NKE -3.5%, ARCW -2.1%, FINL -1.6%, SONC -1%, WBB -0.5%

And analyst moves.

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BOMB CUBA NOW

This story has amazed me since reading it a few months ago.


“Some countries don’t want any more FBI agents in their country than they have to — and that number could be zero,” said Leo Taddeo, a retired FBI supervisor who served abroad. Cuba is in that group.

For decades, the United States and Cuban diplomats have been shitting in each other’s toilets, breaking into each other’s homes and re-arranging furniture, smashing the headlights and fucking windshields, plates, dishes of each other, ripping clothes apart and kicking in televisions. You know, small harassments of one another — but rarely, if ever, hurting one another in a physical way.

Until now.

Last November, US diplomats in Cuba reported  feeling nauseous, dizzy, severe headaches — even losing their god damned hearing without a known cause. About 16 diplomates have suffered at the hands of secret Cuban sonic attacks, two of whom have lost their hearing. Forget about Russian meddling, these clown-fuckers are literally hitting our diplomats with sonic bombs.

We should annihilate the regime of Cuba, immediately.

Audiologists are puzzled by the attacks. Victims said they heard ‘loud, scraping noises’ outside their residences — likely concocted by a Tony Montana like figure doing lines of blow at 3am — fucking with highly educated US diplomats and their families for shits and giggles.

Cuban officials have warned the US to not rush to judgement on this, suggesting that perhaps all 16 diplomats might’ve been playing their radios too loud, or perhaps their televisions were on blast, whilst sticking chopsticks into their ear canals for fun.

 

“The Foreign Minister reaffirmed that the investigation to resolve this matter is still in progress,” the Cuban Foreign Ministry said in a statement, noting that “effective cooperation” of U.S. authorities was essential.

“It would be regrettable that a matter of this nature is politicized and that hasty decisions not supported by conclusive evidence and investigation results are taken.”

Maybe these super sonic weapons were Russian made — a diabolical scheme by Putin to use the worthless Cubans as a proxy to test out new weapons? Either way, I don’t see why we should wait, even a single minute, to drop the bombs on them, in an array that is commiserate with modern decorum of war. We could immediately seize their Rum distilleries and let the Italian mafia retake the costal casinos, making it a grande destination for Floridians and other gamblers in America who enjoy losing their money while inebriated.

North Korea has done nothing to draw my ire. But these fucking Cubans — they’ve had it coming for more than 60 years now. It’s time that we’ve taken action and answered their audio attacks with gigantic infernos sweeping through their cities, incinerating whole populations of miserable Communists, making room for Shake Shacks and Marriott Hotels.

 

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Markets Limp into the Close, Setting Up For a Wacky Wednesday of Wanton Losses

It’s over rampFags. Did you see how the market distributed towards the end of the day? This means, without question, that stocks are going to vomit out of the gates tomorrow. By the end of tomorrow’s session, you’ll be all but ruined.

Watch.

Fifty six percent of stocks traded higher today and it was a good day, all around, aside from the last 30 minutes of trade. I am going to bitterly cling onto that small morsel of weakness, the proverbial chink in the armor, and suggest that all is now lost for western markets. We’ve had our fun. Now it’s time to die.

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Stocks Tread Lightly and Higher; How Did It Come to This?

I had a perfectly fine portfolio filled with sparkling water and Chinese elementary school stocks before I had to get all fire and brimstone, clean out the whole thing, and replace it with UVXY and YANG. What the fuck was I thinking? Maybe I wasn’t.

Or, maybe, like so many of you, I’m trying to catch an inflection point in the market that hasn’t materialized since early 2016.

Either way, I’m dreadfully loathing today’s session, down by another 2.5%, only buoyed and buttressed by the fact that half my money is invested systemically, and it’s higher by 0.5%.

Everything I’ve ever done that ended up being worthwhile was hard. All of the garrulous trulls prattle away, fribbling and nibbling at the ends of the market — ingratiated most by their arch-ignorance.

I think to myself, ‘there has to be something that I can do to stop this’, some sort of diabolical doom cast upon the psyche of others. Maybe a spell using black magic, or a prayer to the Gods to deliver a tragedy of financial importance.

Notwithstanding, I don’t have any plans to conduct myself any other way. My roots have been planted and I intend to preside, like a gargoyle of immense proportions, over your graveyard. While today might be more of the same, mechanized march towards fresh record highs, I am hopeful and dedicated, like a servant of the devil, to the idea that an unseasonable hour is just around the bend.

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BREAKING: Yellen Admits Her ‘Dot Plot’ Fucking Failed

Fed’s Yellen just got finished with an interview, where she jabbered on a long while without saying anything. Reporters are trying to paint this as some sort of revealing interview, when it’s just nonsense.

Here’s a few tweets that sum up here long winded exchange.

She’s an animal, not of the human species. Yes, she acknowledged that inflation is non-existent and that her fucking dot plot failed by all measures — but she’s still going ahead with the December rate hike — fuckers — and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Currencies haven’t budged, but yields are rising. I suppose people are now pricing in more Fed hikes, while also jacking up stocks. The NASDAQ is now pressing ahead by 27, with purpose now, because that dastardly Yellen interview is out of the way. We really dodged a fucking bullet with that one, eh?

Back to yields, the 30yr isn’t even up 2bps, so it’s really a gigantic nothing-burger on a vegan grill. How many ways do I have to tell you people that the Yellen interview was stupid, irrelevant, and without purpose?

STOP TWEETING ABOUT IT.

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Are You Enjoying Your Nice Bounce Day?

I’ve been trying to find something wrong with today’s tape — because I’m biased like a fucker — hoping for the very worst of times — nuclear detonations over Tokyo — gigantic sea monsters stomping the Koreans out of North Korea. Alas, it’s a rather hard thing to do when things are going swimmingly. Admittedly, today looks like a very nice bounce day — the type of day that make you feel great to be an American — get down to the ground and kneel — grateful for the privilege to be long stocks.

My automated stocks aren’t an emotional wreck like my discretionary, which is now solely long UVXY and YANG, awaiting some sort of dreadful, black, doom. The market I had envisioned for today hasn’t panned out, just yet. I am, however, hopeful.

When you’re in a market that is being led by Snapchat, you know you’re in a good one. Stick around, wait for all of the colors to mesh, forming a wondrous rainbow of people and their money, celebrating life and the pursuit of happiness.

Nothing is notable, aside from the fact that GLD is enduring a lesser fate than your average earnings miss and warning. There isn’t a resolute base in gold, just a bunch of ham and eggers cavorting around wall, complaining about the Federal Reserve.

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Morning Poppers (NFL in Turmoil Edition)

Chaos is everywhere. You’d think all of this tumult would result in a much higher VIX index. Those darn money changers are keeping us all complacent and rich. Now that I’ve switched over to the darkside, if only for the day, I truly wish for a bastard day in the market to unfold today. Odds are, that’s not going to happen. Is it? We’re likely to rebound and glide higher, on the heels of our shoes, like nothing happened.

Nasdaq futs are +16. Over in Europe, the EuroStoxx 50 is flat. Gold is -0.4%, WTI flat, Copper +0.29%, BTC +0.29% and the dollar is +0.44% v the euro.

Pre-market, NVDA is +2.8%, FB +0.9%, AAPL +0.66%, NFLX +0.87% and BABA +1%.

My health situation continues to improve and, if I’m lucky enough, I’ll be heading back to the gym to bargain with some weights later on.

On the NFL front, I see agitators are attempting to push the NFL off a cliff for good — advocating that they should permit transgender cheerleaders into the league. This would complete the NFL’s destruction, as an organization, and remove whatever straight men are left watching the game from their ranks. As a society, we could only hope for such happenings, as professional sports have become something of a perverse novelty, undeserving of our time and money.

Here’s the other nonsense happening this morning, courtesy of my Twitter feed.

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Wall Street, Horribilis

There’s an idle decadence in the air, a shared feeling of invincibility that is always born in the very best of markets. Believe it or not, I was once a young man, filled with promise, fastidiously racing up and down Wall Street in search for extreme fortune. I had made a small score in late 1998 and was interested in another. The year being 2000 and all, markets at new highs, the internet renewed the spirits of those looking to invest in innovative fields; there was very little in the way of us youngsters making our mark — to be loved and cherished by our well-to-do northeast clients who hailed from families rich with tradition and power.

My partner and I had done decent enough business to deserve an office, but not one with a window. Those were reserved for the other brokers, the one’s who were producing large sums of monthly commissions for a long time. We had only recently been big producers and my age was hardly something that was viewed as an asset back then — merely 23, wet behind the years, and I looked 18.

We had a small staff of cold callers, account openers, and even a secretary. I felt as if I could do nothing wrong, since I was a genius — a providential beneficiary of a roaring bull market — one that had seen the NASDAQ climb by 85% the year prior. All of my picks outshone the others. My hand for picking the very best stocks become known around the firm — which caused a small crowd of brokers to constantly populate outside our office to find out what we were buying next. Most of the other men were too interested in spending their money, rather than learning how to make it. Even the lowest producers were making $200,000 a year back then. Money was easy, spending it was easier, and making it was the easiest.

Until it ended on March 7th, 2000. Both the Dow and the Nasdaq tumbled hard. We were heavily leveraged, so we were scared, almost instantly. Accounts that were once up 100% for the year were teetering on break even. The selling didn’t let up and the margin calls started to become a regular chore. Clients would soon be popping into our office before 8am, deeply concerned about their accounts — begging to hear about our plan to get it all back.

In one particular case, the account had gone deep into negative equity. My partner had miraculously convinced him to send in $50k to get back to zero. This helped us avoid eating that loss, something that was happening with regularity by May of 2000.

The idea pitched to us, over and over again, by management and experts on the teevee, was that the downturn was temporary and that things would come back to the way they once were — only better. For if you were able to raise money to buy the blood that was flowing freely through the streets,  it was entirely possible that you’d make such a mark that your firm would let you choose whichever office you wanted, one even with a window.

Things never were the same after that. Markets didn’t really come back with vigor until early 2003, which lasted, tenuously, until it broke apart and shattered again in 2008. Like a dream, when it ends, it cannot be continued. The faineantise illusions we had painted for ourselves were cast in water colors, easily wiped away and erased with inclement conditions that older men, who had been though previous market squalls, understood and prepared for.

When this market cracks apart, and the seams from which it was built upon come undone, how will you respond? Will you, for example, chalk it up to another buying opp, loudly declaring to “buy the dip” — for the 3:30 algo Gods will surely save you? Or, perhaps take a different tact and prepare for something worse?

Ostensibly, one thing is evergreen in this regard, hindsight is the only unspoiled and unbiased truth laid bare, most often obvious to those who were too busy keeping their heads up their backside cavities while matters took a turn for the dreadful.

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WTI Blows Out, War Looms, Stocks Are An Elaborate Trap

WTI mudstomped bear shitters to a pulp today, higher by 3.1%. This move was due to the likelihood of armed conflict with N. Korea, not because of economic growth. The specter of something dreadful happening in the world increases each and every day, the ultimate end game in having to deal with a balance sheet that reeks with anguish, $20 trillion reasons to collapse society.

Today’s N. Korea press conference had an air of professionalism to it, which made traders think those fuckers might really be serious.

The sell off was muted, down just 56 NASDAQS. While the carnage was significantly more severe in the tech sector, with some names down 10%, today was, more or less, a probing exhibition. In my estimation, today was a warning to those playing with fire, long stocks at record highs, placed at all time high valuations.

So the only logical thing to do was to sell it all, go long UVXY and YANG, then wish for the worst.

I did this with the comfort of having an entirely different portfolio that was higher today. Even still, if forced to bet, I’d say, definitively, we’re heading into thick weeds navigate by apex predators. You weak-links will be foisted onto the cold ice and ripped apart, from crown to foot, for having only ignorance as apprentice to your actions.

I, “The Fly”, transcend your world and have been several steps ahead of the masses for two decades long. While the losses I took today were most unfortunate, they were both necessary and vital in preserving my innate instincts for survival. I shall not be rocked to sleep by the homosexual operas playing in the foreground of this delicate market. Behind it all are people wholly interested in opportunity by way of destruction.

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GETTIN’ OUT OF DODGE: SHORT STOCKS INTO THE GRAVE

I sold out of all of my positions today, excluding my quant. This fucking market is just getting started on the downside, led lower by a tech sector that is fat and bloated, dying to get popped. FANG stocks are off by 3%, led lower by robotic Zuckerberg, mechanically taking losses like a true machine today.

I took action before the end of day bombing hits, buying both UVXY and YANG — a levered bet on volatility and short China, not once, or twice, but three times.

Look at that shit right there, poised, eagerly waiting with the energy of 10,000 thoroughbreds.

Betting on nuclear war with N. Korea is fun, considering the ancillary benefits — such as harrowing nuclear fallout in Beijing. We’ve got work to do here, getting ready for the broken elevator trading action. Complacency is still imbued in the air, thick with narcism, a false sense of entitlement thanks to 9 years of Federal Reserve assistance. All of that is ending now. A new beginning is beckoning, one formed with malice and built upon a pedestal made from weakened clay.

Prepare for bedlam.

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